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She nodded, fighting her own tears. “He will be.”
I sighed, my head falling into my hands. “He’s studied lightning his whole life. And you know, it doesn’t scare him at all. He’ll run into a storm and lightning could rip the sky apart right over his head and he wouldn’t even flinch. And he knows when lightning’s gonna strike, Mum. He gets a funny taste in his mouth. It’s a thing that happens to some people who’ve been struck...” I let out a teary laugh. “You know, on the island, he told me to run. Not himself. He has no self-preservation skills at all. I mean, at all. And after Cyclone Hazer when he saved those two kids, I made him promise me that he had to start thinkin’ about me, and he couldn’t just run out into a freakin’ storm like that.”
I shook my head, not even sure what or who I was getting mad at.
“He told me to run. So at least he was thinking of me, I guess.”
Mum didn’t say anything, just listened and let me vent. I wasn’t making much sense, but god fucking dammit.
“I tell him I love him all the time,” I said. “But he’s never once said it back to me. I make jokes about it and try not to let it bother me, but...” I shrugged. “I told him last night, before I left. I said, ‘I love you,’ and he... he said nothing.”
“He wasn’t very well last night,” Mum said. “He was clearly not feeling well. I don’t think that’s anything to go by.”
Maybe not.
But still... I couldn’t stop thinking about it.
“He grew up so different to me. His whole life was... changed the day his mother died. And that’s understandable. Anyone’s life would be. I get that. But his mum died so publicly. He’s reminded of it every other day, and it follows him everywhere, especially at his job. And you know if the media finds out that he was struck by lightning, my god, they’ll have a field day.”
“Then we don’t let them find out. We protect him.”
I nodded slowly.
She took my hand. “Do you think he doesn’t love you?”
I couldn’t stop the tears then, and I tried to wipe my cheek but it seemed pointless.
“I think he does. I joke about it because what else can I do? And I know he’s not good with saying it. Talkin’ about his feelings was never really allowed when he was growing up. He can’t say stuff out loud, and I try to not let it bother me, but...” Fucking hell. “I guess it does.”
“Oh, Tully,” Mum whispered. “That man tells you he loves you every time he looks at you. You’re just not listening to his language.”
I wasn’t sure I followed. “What?”
“The way he looks at you,” she said with a gentle smile. “He might not be able to say the words, but the way he looks at you... just screams how much he loves you. You need to listen in other ways. Listen to his love language, Tully. It’s all right there. The way he looks at you when you’re not looking at him. The way he smiles when you laugh. If you could see that... Tully, it’s written all over his face.”
I knew this.
I wasn’t stupid, and I wasn’t blind.
I saw the way he smiled at me, the way he looked at me. I could count all the little things he did for me, the way he looked after me. The way he touched me...
I sighed and scrubbed my hands over my face again. I was tired and stressed and scared.
“Ignore me,” I mumbled. “I’m bein’ stupid.”
She patted my hand. “You’re not stupid, love.”
“It’s not his fault. I don’t blame him.” I looked at her then. “It’d just be nice to hear it one time, ya know?”
She smiled sadly at me. “I know.”
It took me a second to realise that someone was missing. “Where’s Dad?”
“He had to go into the yard to check everything was done. The engineers are coming back tomorrow, and you know he’s been waiting. He’ll be here when he can.”
Oh, work. I hadn’t given work a thought. “Yeah. Fair enough.”
“When does Jeremiah’s father get here?”
