AllFreeNovel
Share Us
The first time I realized I was in love with my twin brother’s best friend Ledger, I was nine years old. During recess, the class bully set his eyes on me and pushed me off the monkey bars.
Except I didn’t need anyone to protect me. I was raised on a ranch with a brother I had to keep up with. I was tough, but sometimes it felt like I went from being a tomboy and dressing in his clothes to a girly girl who only wore dresses and heels overnight. I became obsessed with fashion, particularly designing my own.
After I fell to the ground, I was about to jump up and give that bully one hell of a fight. However, before I could, Ledger was right in his face, body checking his chest, completely squaring up to him. Let’s just say, from that moment forward, I was never picked on by anyone again.
Since we were all the same age and in the same grade, I often hung out with my brother and his friends. Chance and I were always close, and the truth was, he would forever be my best friend. People always said that twins shared a special connection formed in the womb.
In the case of Chance and I, it was true. We had a deep bond that most people didn’t understand. Sometimes we knew what each other was thinking without saying a word. Other times, we finished one another sentences. We even had our own language when we were kids, driving our parents insane, simply making it more amusing for us to continue to provoke them.
Chance was only two minutes older than me, and he never let me forget it. If Ledger hadn’t protected me that day, it would have been my brother. This led me back to just one of the many reasons I could never show or tell Ledger how I felt about him. Chance would shit a brick if his best friend ever laid eyes on me with anything other than sisterly affection.
I kept my feelings a secret from everyone except my journal. It was the only thing I had to sincerely express myself about my desire to feel Ledger’s lips on mine. I mean, don’t get me wrong. I dated a few guys over the years, but none of them held a torch to my brother’s best friend.
Writing my emotions on paper without worrying about Chance finding out was the only escape I had in a situation I had no control over. Because of that, I kept my distance from Ledger, never allowing him to get too close to me.
Of course, we were friends. I’d known him since I was four years old. There wasn’t much I hadn’t seen regarding our childhood and growing up together.
I was there when he had his first kiss with Maggie Cinabello at her thirteenth birthday party. They played Seven Minutes in Heaven, and according to everyone, Ledger also rounded second base that night.
I was there when he lost his virginity to Claire Uptom in the woods at the after-party of our ninth-grade homecoming dance. I still remembered the expression on his face as he walked out of the woods, hand in hand with her. If I thought watching him with Maggie hurt, witnessing him with Claire broke my fifteen-year-old heart in ways I never saw coming.
I was even there when he had his first threesome with Makayla and Tiffany after junior prom. Two cheerleaders, a brunette and blonde in the hotel suite we rented without our parents knowing. I slept on the pull-out couch, refusing to go anywhere near the bed where he did the deed.
I still remembered hearing them moan and the wall between us tremble from the relentless headboard banging against the thin wall. It was the first time I felt hatred for him. It took everything inside me not to leave that night and go back home, but then I’d be ruining my brother’s night too. He had his own chick in the other bedroom.
While Ledger had the power to piss me off like no one else could, he also had the ability to make me melt from a simple gesture. After he was done with his little party that night, he came out into the living room where I was trying to sleep, saying I could take the bed instead, and he’d crash on the couch.
I played it off like it didn’t affect me, but the last thing I wanted to do was sleep on that bed. Let alone have to be in that room where he just did God knows what. I told him I was fine, and before he walked back into his bedroom, he tossed me a blanket and kissed my forehead.
Ugh!
A kiss on the forehead was the death sentence in the friend zone.
The list of things I saw Ledger experience for the first time was endless.
Including his first beer.
His first car.
His first horse—a dark brown Quarter Bay stallion with a black mane and tail and a white stripe down his nose that he still rode to this day. While Ledger was a proud cowboy who wanted nothing more than to inherit his daddy’s ranch, I was the complete opposite. I wanted to run away from this small town and never look back.
My brother, on the other hand, was somewhere in the middle.
My knowledge of Ledger Beckham didn’t end there. Not only was I a bystander on most of his firsts but I also knew a lot about him. It came with the territory of growing up together. Some of the memories I cherished, others I despised.
“What are you thinking about over there?” Chance questioned, leaning against the doorframe of our shared bathroom.
We had Jack and Jill bedrooms our entire lives, living in the same house since the day we were born.
I smiled, looking at him through the mirror of my makeup vanity.
“I’m just finishing up getting ready for Ledger’s graduation party.”
He nodded, folding his arms over his chest.
According to most of the female population at all our schools, Chance was drop-dead gorgeous. He was quite the ladies’ man. He and Ledger were quite the dynamic duo. Ledger was the bad boy, so to speak, and my brother was my nice guy with an edge. The number of girls who threw themselves at them on the regular wasn’t lost on me.
“I can’t believe you leave for New York tomorrow,” he shared, tearing me away from my thoughts.
