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Asher lifted her glass. “Truer words have never been spoken. Now, on toother, hopefully better, topics.” She waggled her eyebrows, and I couldn’t keep from rolling my eyes. “How long have you been knockin’ boots with Mr. Fireman?”
“Knockin’ boots, Asher? Really?”
“Hey, I’m the one asking questions here. After all I’m the one who brought the donuts. Also, my mom’s ominous ‘I told you so’ suddenly makes a lot of sense.” Her eyes rounded on a gasp so large it nearly sucked all the air from the room. “Holy crap! You remember what she said months ago? About your guy being one of Owen’s friends?” Before I could get a word in, she squealed and clapped excitedly. “We’re going to be best friends married to best friends! This is so awesome!”
I held my hands up and waved my arms to stop her. “Okay, crazy, calm down. You’re putting the cartwaybefore the horse here. Owen doesn’t know anything about this, and we’d prefer to keep it that way.” I gave her a pointed look, to which she mimed zipping her lips, locking them, and throwing away the key. “And we’ve only been seeing each other for a couple weeks.”
Her brows went up. “What is this, junior high? What does ‘seeing each other’ even mean? Are you guys just dating? Is it serious?”
I chewed on my bottom lip as I tried to think of a way to best describe my relationship with Ford. “We haven’t technically been out on a date, so I don’t think you could refer to what we’re doing as dating.”
“So you’re just... having sex?”
To hear her put it like that made me wince. When I was with Ford, it felt like so much more than that. But I didn’t have the nerve to approach the topic, too scared to rock the boat and risk losing him. Once again, I’d turned into a woman I’d sworn to myself I’d never be, and I hated it.
I let out a sigh, the weight that had been on my shoulders since the night before pressing down harder. Lord knew the whole showdown with Keith earlier hadn’t helped any.
“Honestly, Ash. I don’t know what we are, and it’s starting to bother me. When I told him I couldn’t handle a no-strings or commitment kind of fling, he’d been so fast to tell me we were more than that. And when we’re together, it feels like we are. But then...”
“You’re falling in love with him.”
“I don’t—”
She held her hand up to stop me. “I saw you guys together last night, babe. How you were together, it was there. For both of you.”
I wanted to deny it. I wanted to tell her she was wrong and I was smarter than laying my heart out to be trampled on for a second time, but I couldn’t. “I went into this with my eyes open. I told myself I was smart enough to hold a part of myself back, because from the beginning I’ve heard this ticking in the back of my mind, like a clock counting down. When we started, I had one foot in and one foot out. I knew that was the safest way for me. But as some point, I went all in. I don’t know how it happened, but I pushed all the warnings away and ignored every red flag, and now I’m scared I’ve fucked up again.”
“You don’t know that for sure,” she said, trying her best to reassure me.
“No, you’re right. And when he touches me or looks at me, it feels... I don’t know how to describe it. I’ve never experienced it before. It’s like I’m all that matters. But something happened last night.”
I told her how Ford had acted when he first showed up last night and how it was as if he’d shut down to keep from feeling the panic I’d seen in his eyes and felt in his touch.
“He’s hiding something from me. I don’t know what, but I’ve felt it in my gut this whole time. He’s got a secret.”
Her features grew hard and intense. “Then find out,” she said seriously. “You deserve to know, and you also deserve to be happy. Not second-guessing every little thing. Demand what you’re worth, honey. Don’t settle for less.”
Her words emboldened something inside me. Or maybe that was the bottle of champagne, I couldn’t be sure. Either way, it was like a fire had been lit under my ass.
“Yeah, you’re right.”
“Damn right I’m right. You get your ass over there, and you demand answers!”
“Okay.” I stood up, suddenly feeling pumped. “Yeah! I’m going to do that. I’m going to go over there right now and demand answers.”
I started out of the kitchen when Asher shot to her feet to block my exit. “Ooh, maybe notrightthis very moment. Because you’re looking all kinds ofThe Walking Dead. You should go confront him after you take a shower. How’s that?”
I pointed my finger in her face. “That’s smart. You’re smart. I’m so glad you’re going to be my sister.”
She smiled. “Me too. Now go hop in the shower. I’m going to brew another pot of coffee, because I think you may need a bit of sobering up.”
25
FORD
My chest felt heavy as I walked into the house after my shift. Otis lifted his head from his doggy bed by the fireplace, barely acknowledging my presence until I dumped my bag in the living room and headed for the kitchen. For him, that meant food, but before I headed for the pantry, I stopped at the fridge and grabbed a beer. I twisted off the cap and tossed in into the sink without a care, then downed the whole thing in a few short swallows.
When I went in for my second, Otis quirked his head to the side, those beady little eyes watching me. “Don’t judge me,” I grunted as I uncapped the second beer. It was half gone before I started to feel slightly normal. And only then did I move to the pantry to get Otis his breakfast.
