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“Asher told me.” Well, shit. “Apparently, she caught you guys the night Hardin’s shed burned down. Hardin swore her to secrecy, but when I started to worry because my little sister has been a wreck for a week and a half now, and you’ve been a miserable asshole who’s forgotten how to answer his phone, she finally told me the truth. “So that punch wasalsofor breaking my sister’s heart. And unless you have a really good reason for doing it, I’m going to hit you again.”
I held up a hand to ward him off as I struggled to my feet. “All right, easy there, Ali. Give me a damn second and I’ll explain.”
Owen moved to the couch and made himself comfortable, like he hadn’t just knocked me on my ass. Otis, the traitor he was, curled up right beside him like he was the most affectionate dog in the world.
I hadn’t had the heart to put the picture of my wife and daughter back into the box since the day I ended things with Hardin. What she’d said had been spinning around in my brain for days, and as badly as it hurt to see their smiling faces every time I caught sight of that picture, the thought of locking them back up in that closet was even worse. They deserved better. I’d tarnished their memories for years because I was too weak to deal with the pain.
I grabbed the frame and handed it to Owen as I began to explain. “The only person I’ve spoken a word to about this is Hardin. She knows about my wife and daughter, and she knows I lost them both in a car crash back in Maryland a year before I moved here. What I didn’t tell her was I was one of the first responders on the scene.”
“Jesus,” Owen hissed, a look of disbelief on his face.
I lowered myself into the very chair Hardin sat in the day we ended. “I still have nightmares about that night. It had been raining and the guy in the other car had been texting. Some nights, the dreams are so bad, it feels like I’m back there on that road, staring at a car that’s been crushed to half its size. I thought I was moving on by leaving all that shit behind back in Maryland and starting over here, but all I was doing was running from the memories. I lost the two most precious people in my life.” My breath hitched as I talked about my family. Each word was like a splinter, but instead of embedding themselves deeper, they were working their way out.
“I loved Phoebe with everything I had. How you feel about Asher, that was what I had with my wife, and when I lost her, I convinced myself I’d never feel that way about another woman again. I’ll admit, I was drawn to Hardin from the first moment I moved here. It had been a year since I lost my family, and for the first time, I actually considered trying to date someone else. Then Hazel showed up at the pizzeria and ran right for her, calling her Mommy, and I froze. All I could think about was my little girl. I shut it down right then and there. I couldn’t do it. But that didn’t mean I stopped wanting her.”
“Shit,” he hissed, lifting his hands to scrub at his face like hearing me talk about wanting his sister was causing him physical pain.
“Then she went on that date with that douchebag Asher set her up with, and I kind of lost it. I couldn’t stand the thought of her moving on with someone else, so I made my move.”
He stared me down, his shrewd gaze drilling into me like he was searching for the slightest hint that I wasn’t being honest. “Okay, so what happened? If things were so good, why’d you go and break my sister’s heart?”
“The shed fire,” I confessed. “That call came in, and all I could think was ‘Not again. Please, God, not again.’”
“Holy shit. Ford, man...” He shook his head, momentarily lost for words. “I can’t imagine. Christ, I’m sorry.”
I shook my head. “Nothing for you to be sorry for. You didn’t fuck up. I did. But all I could think was that someone else I loved was being ripped away from me. I barely survived losing Phoebe and Naomi. If something were to happen to Hardin and Hazel, it would end me.”
“So you ended it because you thought that was how you’d get back the control you felt like you’d lost,” he said, practically reading my mind. “Tell me, brother, how’s that working out for you?”
I fell back into the chair, lifting my arms to rake them through my shaggy hair as I let out a brittle, humorless laugh. “Pretty sure you can tell by looking at me how it’s been going, but I’ll spare you the guessing game. I’m fucking miserable, man. I’m scared out of my mind but I miss her so goddamn bad; I feel like an elephant is sitting on my chest and I can’t take a full breath.”
He let out a knowing grunt. “I’m pretty familiar with that feeling myself. When Asher was about to marry that shithead and I thought I’d lost her for good, I felt like I was coming out of my skin.”
“So what you’re saying is we’re both pathetic,” I said, my lame attempt at a joke to lighten the tension swirling around us.
“Yeah, something like that,” he said before letting out a heavy sigh. “Look, Ford, I can’t begin to imagine what you went through when you lost your family. I’m gutted for you, no other way to describe it. I hate that you had to live through something like that.”
I turned my head to look over at him. “I’m sensing a ‘but’ coming on.”
One corner of his mouth hooked up in a smirk. “But,” he dragged out obnoxiously, “just because you’ve tried burying your head in the sand when it comes to your feelings for Hardin, doesn’t mean they’re going away. You think because you ended things that it’ll hurt less if something were to happen to her, but the way I see it, you’d only be worse off, because not only would you lose her, but you’d also lose out on all the wonderful times the two of you could have built together.”
He rose from the couch, giving Otis one last rub on the head before lowering the boom.
“You deserve great things, Ford, and one of those great things is my sister. If you can make each other happy, that’s all that matters to me. I wish I could tell you what to do, but you’re the only one who can decide whether happiness—however long or short it may be—is worth the risk. But for your sake, I hope it is.”
He started for the door, leaving me feeling like the rug had been pulled out from under me, but before he left, he gave me one last look over his shoulder.
“And for the love of God, man, take a shower. It’s ripe as hell in here.”
The door clicked shut behind him just as a burst of laughter exploded from my chest. It was the first time I’d laughed since Hardin walked out of my life, and I had to admit, it felt damn good.
28
HARDIN
“Hey, boss. Everything’s been shut down and locked up. You heading out soon?”
I looked up from my computer screen to where Penelope was standing in my office doorway. It was after eleven, closing time for Junior’s and I was still at it. Hazel was spending the night with my folks so I could work the extra hours, but it was all for a good reason.
