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I blinked slowly, a record scratching in my mind. Was he kidding?
“Why do you hate the thought of hurting me, Holton?”
His chin jerked back, the confusion clear as day on his face. “I don’t understand the question.”
I let out a snort and rolled my eyes skyward. God, why were men so clueless all the damn time?
“Is it because you really can’t stand the thought of me being hurt, or because you can’t stand that someone might be upset withyou?” I jabbed my finger in his direction and let my question sit for a second, giving him the chance to ruminate. When he didn’t say anything else, I rolled by eyes in frustration.
“That apology wasn’t for me, Holt. Not really. You forced me into an uncomfortable situation I clearly didn’t want to be in just so you could have your shot at saying you were sorry to makeyourselffeel better.”
“Lyric—”
I gave the handle a hard yank, much harder than necessary, and shoved the door open. “I get that you’re the town good guy, Holt. You’re the Boy Scout who does no wrong, but the next time you feel the need to apologize to someone, make sure you’re doing it for their benefit, not your own.”
With that, I hopped down and slammed the door shut.
ChapterFive
HOLTON
I let outa frustrated growl and punched the pillow beneath my head. When that didn’t work, I flipped from my stomach to my back and blew out a huff.
I hadn’t slept for shit in weeks, and it was really starting to screw with me. However, tonight was even worse than normal.
For the past three weeks, memories of Lyric had been plaguing my thoughts and dreams. If I wasn’t remembering the hurt on her beautiful face, I was remembering the tight clench of her pussy and how it gripped my dick as I drove in and out of her.
I’d never had such amazing, earth-shifting sex in my life. Being inside of her, watching as she writhed beneath me, was like an out of body experience. Lyric Jackson was a gorgeous woman—I’d thought that from the first moment I saw her making a mess at Fred’s Fuel and Go—there was no disputing that. I’d seen the way men watched her wherever she went. But when she came... There was no sexier sight.
I’d lost count of how many times I’d jerked off to the memory of that night. I’d stroke my cock until I came with the image of her on the backs of my eyelids, and even then, my release was harder than I’d ever had with any other woman.
With Lyric, I’d been able to unleash that thing inside of me that had been clawing at my insides for as long as I could remember. I’d been able to let go and give in to those cravings that had always lingered. I didn’t have to be sweet and gentle with her. I’d been a goddamn animal, and she’d met my desires every single step of the way. In fact, she fed it, egging me on for more.
The intense reaction I had to her scared the hell out of me, as well as increased my hunger for her. I’d come so hard I couldn’t see straight, and I’dstillwanted more. That one time hadn’t been enough.
That had been a jarring feeling, to say the least.
I’d gone into Bad Alibi that night to drown my sorrows. The last thing I’d been looking for was a hookup, especially after the day I had.
All I’d ever wanted to do was protect people. It was something that had been inside me for as long as I could remember. That was the driving force behind my decision to join the sheriff’s department in the first place.
When I met Carla Sanford months back, I’d seen a woman who needed defending, and that drive to protect had reared up inside me. I wanted to help, but in the end, I’d failed her. I hadn’t been handling that failure well, and I’d been wallowing in the misery it caused when Lyric sat beside me in that bar.
She’d made me laugh when I was sure I wouldn’t be able to. She made me smile. When she talked about her brother, the sadness on her face made that protective instinct boil right back to the surface.
That was part of the problem.
I spent years feeding that instinct like an adrenaline junky looking for my next rush. But after Carla, I couldn’t trust myself. Then, to make matters worse, she’d made it feel like it was okay to forget, even for a little while, that I let someone down so profoundly.
When I was buried inside her, she was all that existed. There had been no guilt or shame, but I needed to hold on to those feelings to make sure I never let anyone down again. I couldn’t let my guard down like that ever again. That was why I ran. Why I’d gotten the fuck out of there as fast as I could. She made me want to forget. I couldn’t risk that happening.
So I pushed her away. And I hadn’t bothered correcting her when she suggested she wasn’t good enough, comparing herself to Deva.
The truth was, Deva had always been safe. I didn’t pursue her because of some longing or deep-seeded desire for her. I liked that it felt simple. And it was simple because she’d never once stirred the feelings inside me that Lyric had. Not even close.
It was those feelings that had me speaking before my brain could catch on to what the hell I was doing. Why I’d pushed to take her home earlier that evening when I knew I should have been keeping my distance.
I just wanted to be near her. Only, in the process, I managed to cause her pain all over again. I couldn’t stop picturing the look on her face, not only when I’d left her the morning after our night together, but also when I’d done her wrong by trying to force my apology on her. I couldn’t seem to quit fucking up where she was concerned.
