AllFreeNovel
Share Us
I turn around, blazing, ready to inform him of just how far across the river I’m about to kick his ass. But the sound of screeching tires has me peering over his shoulder. A black SUV with tinted windows stops dead in the middle of the street.
Bambi jumps out of the vehicle, storming toward us, an accusatory finger wagging in the air. “I knew it!” Her booming voice echoes down my street. “I knew you were still in love with your ex!!”
Luke’s eyes widen like dinner plates. “What are you doing here, Alabama?” He hurries down the steps, meeting her in the middle of my brick walkway.
“Oh, so all of a sudden, I’m ‘Alabama’, huh?!” She waves her cellphone in the air. “I’ve been tracking you. I’ve seen your text messages to all those other girls. Now, this? You’re here on your ex’s doorstep, trying to worm your way into her house?!”
Luke opens his mouth to lie, but Alabama stops him with a hand held up in his face.
“Save it.” She snatches a pen out of the chest pocket of his dress shirt. “Lavalier microphone,” she informs him. “I tucked it into your pocket as you were leaving on your ‘business trip’ this morning. I heard every word you just said to Nadia.”
Luke stares at Bambi in astonishment.
“I know, I know,” she says, her tone bitter. “You were convinced that I was nothin’ but a pretty face, weren’t you? A nice little trophy to show off to the world. Newsflash—I’m a person. With a brain. And with feelings. For you.” She breaks down, sobbing into her hands. “How could you do this to me, Lukey? I dropped out of my pageant for you. I could have been representing my hometown in the Spring-to-Summer Farmer’s Market Fashion Queen Show right now! I gave it up for you!!”
What is this network TV daytime drama unfolding in my front yard?
My neighbors are peeking out their windows now. I can see curtains fluttering across the street. Someone even opens their door and sticks their head outside. It’s nothing short of a fucking spectacle.
I yelp when the angry woman jumps on him and starts raining blows down on his head. “Oh my god. Alabama! Stop!” I scream. Not because Luke doesn’t deserve all the pain karma has in store for him but because—jeez—not on my front lawn!
And I’m really not sure how it happens, but the next thing I know, my tall, broad, angry as hell husband is urgently charging up my driveway, his body language radiating the message that he’s ready for a fight.
Well, let’s turn the drama up to a ten, why don’t we?!
Harry’s arm darts around Alabama’s waist and he effortlessly lifts her off of Luke. “Calm down! Calm down, woman!” he says to Bambi who continues to yell and flail about like a banshee on crack.
I intervene, softly patting Bambi on the upper back and encouraging her to simmer down. She shocks the fuck out of me when she collapses into my arms and promptly dissolves into sobs, blubbering Luke’s name.
Harry takes in the whole scene with confusion in his expression. But then he seemingly begins to piece the situation together based on Bambi’s sobbing words and the eye daggers I’m shooting in Luke’s direction. His face grows hard and red with anger.
Luke is totally oblivious, though. “Thanks, man,” he says to Harry, and he has the nerve to stretch an arm out for a handshake.
Harry looks at that hand like he wants to plunge it inside an alligator’s mouth. Embarrassment quickly reddens Luke’s cheeks when Harry leaves him hanging. He realizes that Harry isn’t interested in a truce with him.
Luke huffs when he glances to where Bambi is sobbing in my arms. He rolls his eyes as he strolls right past us. “Both of you bitches suck,” he mumbles. “Neither of you even deserves me.”
Oh, Harry isnotabout to let that slide. He grabs Luke by the collar of his jacket and yanks him backward, turning my ex to face him. “Wanna repeat that, buddy?”
Luke’s mouth flaps open and closed without making any meaningful sounds.
“That’s what I fucking thought,” Harry grumbles, releasing Luke’s jacket.
“You and I don’t have a problem, man.” Luke attempts to diffuse the situation. He smooths down the front of his shirt and tries to sound cool and calm.
“Look, I don’t know you,” Harry says, seething. “But all signs point toward you being a piece of shit. Just sayin’.” He shrugs. “Anyway, this woman is the love of my life.” His territorial arm comes around my waist. “So when you try treating her like anything less than the goddess she is, you and I willautomaticallyhave a fucking problem.” My tummy twists, hearing my husband speak so fondly of me. After everything that’s happened. “So consider this your first and final warning to stay the fuck away from her. You hear me?”
Luke scoffs, clearly shocked to have anyone talking to him that way, especially in my defense. “Yes. Got it. Fine,” my ex rushes out, scrambling down the walkway toward his car. “There’s lots of pussy out there. I’m not about to stand here, fighting over some woman.”
“Idiot…” Harry barks, shaking his head. “You really don’t get it, do you? Here’s a word of advice—it’s not the number of notches on your bedpost that makes you a man. It’s the way you protect the woman in your life. It’s the way you love her. The things you’re willing to do to keep her happy and safe.Thatis the subtle art of swinging your big dick around.”
Confidence renewed with Harry by my side to defend me, I speak up. “Luke, I say this on behalf of myself and Bambi and every woman and potato who has ever had the misfortune of being your lover—FUCK YOU!”
Bambi ambles up on my other side. “And by the way, your dick is ugly.”
Harry flinches. “Ouch!” Then he grabs the bag of potatoes sitting among the grocery bags on my front step. He jogs down the pathway and slams it into Luke’s chest. “Here, bro. A little something to hold onto. Y’know, in case you feel lonely tonight.”
Luke shoots me a look of death as his arms come around the ten-pound bag pressed to his chest. “You told him about the potatoes?”
