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Laurent squints at his phone and carries on, totally lost in his monologue, like I’m not even here. “Then I have a six o’clock dinner with this new girl I met on an app. Shit—I can’t remember her name.” He gives his head a quick shake. “Anyway, I want to be on time for that. To make a good first impression, y’know? She has somehuge, gorgeous tits.” He holds his hands up in demonstration, then he chuckles to himself. “After that—I’ve got a late night booty call with Louisa from my office—and holy fuck—her blowjobs are spectacular, so I really don’t want to postpone that.” Finally, he sets down his phone. His eyes find mine before he takes my hand again and gives me a seductive smile. “So, Nadia, was it? If you’re okay with it, how about I cancel my barber appointment and slide you in at, let’s say 3:20-ish?”
Is he joking right now? I am so confused. I just blink owlishly, carefully extracting my hand from his grip.
His eyes flicker over my face like he’s trying to read whatever expression I must be making. “Is 3:25 better? 3:30 would really be pushing it, but…”
This man sitting across from me has switched on me so fast, I’m having a serious case of mental whiplash.
I fold my hands in my lap, trying to regain my composure. “I’m sorry. I’m not sure I am understanding this right. You already havethreedates for Saturday? And now you’re trying to ‘slide me in’ as your fourth?”
“Well, yeah.” He shrugs shamelessly. “I work late five days a week, and sometimes even Saturday mornings, so I have to stack my dating as best I can.”
“Stack your dating?!” I choke out.
Am I imagining this? Am I hallucinating? Is this cologne-poisoning? Probably cologne-poisoning.
“So basically, you’re out here just booking dates like a dentist scheduling teeth cleanings! Do you have an assistant who handles the foreplay for you, so you can slip in at the last minute, do your business and move on to the next?”
He shakes his head, like I’m being dense. “Nadia, you seem like a great lady and all, but I don’t think you realize that there’s competition out here. Especially for a man of my caliber. You have to get in where you fit in, honey.”
Well, damn.Why don’t you just pour a glass of ice water all over our meticulously-planned out future?!
“I can certainly hold my own with the competition,” I say, growing bold as my frustration mounts.
I have a successful career, a beautiful home, multiple degrees, and I’ve done it all on my own. Plus, I’ve got a bangin’ body if I do say so myself. With my curves, toned limbs and hourglass figure, I can definitely hold my own.
“We’ve been on one date! And you expect exclusivity?” He rolls those eyes that I thought were so mesmerizing just a few minutes ago. “I’m keeping my options open, and I’d like you to be my Saturday afternoon option, Nadia. Last call.”
He’s dead serious.
And so am I.
I rise to my feet, grabbing my purse along with me. I drape my coat over my forearm. “Thank you so much for the meal, Laurent. I respect your desire to keep your options open. But at this stage of my life, I’m not willing to be just one of the balls being juggled by a clown like you.”
And then I’m walking away from the table without a backward glance. I try to keep my gait steady—in case that asshole is staring after me—but I feel pretty damn wobbly on my feet. I think I’m swaying a little bit. Definitely cologne-poisoning.
Or maybe it’s the fact that,Mission: Find Someone To Spend My Life Withhas failed. Again.
Am Ievergoing to find my special person?
As I’m weaving through tables and heading for the restaurant exit, I pull out my cell phone and text my therapist.
ME: So, he is definitely NOT ‘The One’…
I tap out a speedy paragraph, giving her a rundown of what happened. She already knew I had a date today, so we can skip basics and get straight to the meat of it.
REGINA: Okay, tell me how you reacted
ME: I thanked him for lunch and bailed. I’m walking out now.
ME: Was that rash?
ME: Did I over-react?
ME: Are my standards too high?
Suddenly, I’m questioning everything.
REGINA: Well, you didn’t pour a boiling pot of tea down his pants, so I’d say you did just fine, Nadia
