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Passionate, grabby, hurried sex didn’t fill the emotional aspect, and left her feeling empty. It carved a hole in her life with Asher because he didn’t understand what the problem was… and then when she got pregnant with Max? They discovered the high risk of Down Syndrome, and she refused to have an abortion.
It was completely over then.
She didn’t want to risk any of that with the person that she wanted to get to know better. He was the person that had asked her permission to kiss her, and the person that wanted to start with the ‘basics’… and that was holding her back.
Fear that something would go wrong – but she was starved for attention and knew it. She was so tired of being isolated, but scared to ruin something that had the potential to be so unbelievably good.
A droplet of water in the middle of the desert… that she was stubbornly refusing to drink because she was scared. It made no sense. He was here, trying so hard to befriend her, be kind to her, and she was pushing him away? She should be reaching for him, making memories to hold her over the unknown separation they were facing in just hours.
Throwing back the covers, she stood up and hesitated.
This was stupid.
She could sleep whenever he was gone, and this was a waste right now. Her heart hammered in her chest wildly, realizing that this could go so badly, so wrong, and be misinterpreted so many ways. If he pushed himself on her, tried to fool around, and was gone again… it would sever those gossamer threads that she felt were faintly strung between them.
Opening her bedroom door, she went to check on Max and hesitated. He was sound asleep in his crib, looking so peaceful and innocent, and she swallowed at the emotions within her.
Walking out of Max’s room, she stepped towards the living room and heard Trigger’s collar jostle noisily.
“Madison?” Eric said quietly. “Is something wrong?”
“Yes.”
“What is it?” he asked, sitting up quickly in the shadows that the nightlight cast in the living room. She could see his face, saw the dog tags laying against the fabric of his t-shirt on his chest, and noticed Trigger laying on the floor near the foot of the bed. “What’s wrong? Is it Max? Is something the matter?”
Just hearing that concern in his voice seemed to crack any shell or wall she had left remaining around her.
Who was this man?Could there be someone so kind, so good, out there in the world? Could she have actually found someone that was so incredibly wonderful… by sheer luck?
“Can we talk for a moment longer?” she hesitated, sitting down near the foot of the bed on the pullout couch, looking at him - and not waiting for his answer. “I resigned myself never to marry again… but never expected any of this.”
She saw him visibly tense as he nodded silently.
“I don’t know whatthisis, whatweare, or what is going to happen,” she whispered softly, looking at his immovable face as his eyes watched her. “But Ilikeit… and I’m scared, because I don’t want to end up hurt again.”
“Do you want me to leave?” he asked quietly. “I don’t want to hurt you, and if me being here bothers you, then…”
“That’s the problem,” she interrupted, her voice hoarse. “I know that my time with you here is limited, and you must leave in the morning to catch your flight. There’s not enough time for me to learn your quirks, your traits, your hobbies, and for us to learn…about us.”
“Ihaveto go,” he replied. “I have a duty, and I’m under contract for a while longer. They are expecting me to report in on Monday morning.”
“I know.”
“What would you have me do, Madison? I can’t stay, and I don’t think you are ready to deal with another person full-time.”
“Talk to me, write me, let’s get to know each other, and…”
“And?”
She didn’t say anything. She couldn’t. Anything she said at this moment would be incriminating herself and admitting that something was there between them.
“Madison?” his voice was achingly gentle and so patient.
“You should get some rest,” she said, retreating immediately and moving to stand up – only to see him lean forward, lightning fast, grabbing her wrist before tugging her back into a seated position… exceedingly close to him.
She met his eyes, stunned.
“Don’t shut me out,” he uttered in a tight voice. “Talk to me, pretend I’m just a friend, and tell me what’s going through your head.”
