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“Send?”
“It’s a just a pen pal I’ve had for several months now.”
“Just be careful; you never know anymore, and there are some real weirdos out there. I just want you to be safe.”
“Me too,” she smiled and hesitated. “Maria, can I ask you a question?”
“Sure.”
“If you could get something in the mail, what would you like? What would surprise you and give you warm fuzzies?”
“Is this for a guy or a girl?”
“A guy,” she admitted, blushing, and instantly regretted asking when she saw the other woman’s large, knowing smile.
“I would wow him royally. Send him something scandalous, like a magazine or panties.”
“WHAT?” Lily screeched in shock and fell off the stepstool she’d been standing on, catching herself before tumbling to the floor. The colorful décor she’d lined up on the desk went scattering to the ground, flying in every direction. “I can’t do that! Think of aniceguy – a friend, but notthatkind of friend! Oh, my goodness forget I asked,” she muttered, picking up the laminated stars that had gotten scattered to the ground.
“Well, then pick out something you think you’d like to receive.”
“I did that,” she said breathlessly, kneeling down and reaching for a star that slipped under her desk. “I sent a box with that a long time ago.”
“Tell me you didn’t send him Twinkies. You should have stock in those cakes by now,” Maria laughed riotously, her face in disbelief. Lily wished the floor would open up to swallow her just about now. What was wrong with that? “You didn’t?”
“You know, he liked the Twinkies. It was a creative thought too,” Lily argued defensively. “I wasn’t looking for judgement or criticism, just maybe a suggestion or two.”
“Look, you are a sweet lady,” Maria told her, and she felt defeat heavy on her shoulders. This was ridiculous. They were strangers and it would be best to keep things friendly or amicable. She was making too much of this and he was simply a lonely guy that didn’t have anyone – and that was absolutely no basis for starting anything more than friendship. “And sweet ladies don’t chase guys around. Send him a book or crossword puzzles, something to keep his mind going. Maybe a handheld video game with batteries for it? Have fun, but don’t put your heart into it – that is where you end up hurt, and I think you’ve dealt with enough hurt for the year, don’t you?”
“Of course,” she agreed, looking away. Maria was right, and it was stupid of her to imagine that there could ever be more. He was there, and she was here. He might not like curvy girls, or she might think he was short or rude. The odds of things going further or crossing past an amicable friendship were slim to none…so why did it hurt so much to think that? To have a wish decimated before it ever truly took root? She was a typical girl that wanted the fairytale dream, where prince charming swooped in and fell in love with her, just like in her books.
“I appreciate the advice, Maria and you’re right.” she admitted, feeling simply awful at the moment. She wanted her pajamas and a hot fudge sundae, or perhaps a bubble bath and a box of tissues. Mortified, her eyes began to water and she felt herself overwhelmed.
“I think I’m going to wrap up here in a bit. Thank you for asking if I needed anything,” she told her, effectively ending the conversation and hoping the other woman got the hint. If she started sniffling or sobbing, she wanted no one present to see her.
“You okay, sweetie?” she heard her ask, and flinched. “You are simply too soft hearted for the world, you know that?”
“I’m fine, thanks,” Lily replied and wished she would leave her alone. The waterworks were coming faster than she could try to calm herself down. It was hopeless. He would never, ever be her prince charming or sweep her off her feet, and she just needed to realize that sooner than later. He was nice, but that needed to be the end of it. If she was lonely, she needed to find someone here she could meet or talk to instead, of grasping at straws.
She looked over her shoulder and saw that Maria left. Grabbing her car keys and purse, she quickly left the building and got to her car before breaking down. She felt like all her hopes had been simply crushed by the truth of the matter. He was a stranger on the other side of the world and she was a desperate, plump dreamer that was hung up on a fantasy. Crying hot bitter tears, she hugged her steering wheel for several moments in mourning for an imaginary budding romance.
Wiping her eyes, she pulled out her phone to see if she was presentable in public. Her face did a weird thing when she cried. She would get these massive red splotches and her nose would turn bright purplish. Opening the camera, she rolled her eyes. Nope, she was going home first so she didn’t get stopped repeatedly by strangers thinking she was having an allergic reaction to something.
Once home, she put a cold washrag on her face and sat there on the couch for a while, resting and lost in thought.Think of happy things so you don’t start bawling again, she reminded herself silently. Maybe she’d go by the garden center and see if there were any new flowers, or perhaps she’d just spend the evening on Pinterest finding a new hobby or idea. She moved the rag to her forehead and scrolled through her phone, sighing. It always came back to John. She found a recipe for cake baked in a jar and vacuum sealed. It looked so simple, and it was something she would think was really cool to receive. Checking her face again, she sighed. Still red, just not as much.
She busied herself in looking to make sure she had the ingredients and was surprised to find that she did – including the canning jars. She’d made bread and butter pickles last summer for herself, leaving a small stash of jars and lids in her cabinet. Grabbing a mixing bowl, she whipped up enough cake batter for a few jars. She put them to bake in the water dish like directed and was shocked to see it actually worked. When she pulled the baking pan full of water from the oven an hour later, she saw that the jars had sealed and the batter had changed from a liquid to a solid, spongy consistency. Impressed, she carefully moved them to the counter to cool before heading to the store.
It was getting late, but what did it matter. It wasn’t like she had anyone waiting for her. She picked up the peanut butter, crackers and Kong toy – along with a box of plastic knives. As she was leaving the store, she spotted a photo booth and smiled.
It would be different,she thought. Inserting a dollar, she sat down, and before she knew it the light was flashing. She tried to make herself look nice or super pretty, but when the photos ejected, she sighed. Normal, plain-jane Lily.
She drove to the post office and fished around in the trunk of her car for a box to use. She’d mail one box now and the cakes tomorrow since she needed to get more bubble wrap. When she’d started mailing him stuff, she had picked up boxes here and there that would stand up to the abuse it took in shipping. She also used the packing tape she now kept in her car to seal the box. She had a regular little mailing station directly out of the trunk.
As she sealed the box, she threw the strip of photos inside haphazardly. She was who she was and there was no changing it. Falling for a stranger was a foolish notion anyhow and it was better she squashed any hopes now, rather than later on when she really felt something. She walked inside the barren post office and used the self-serve kiosk to mail it, dropping it inside the bin. The deed was done and photos of herself were on the way. Now, she had a hot date with a bubble bath.
8
September 2015
