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“If you haven’t noticed, you and Radar are smothering me just a bit. I’m not going to disappear or break if I leave your sight for a moment. I need to wrap a few presents and I can’t do it if you’re looking,” she explained.
“You don’t have to wrap anything, and you shouldn’t have bought me a gift.”
“Did you get something for me?” she asked immediately, and saw the flush creep up into his cheeks. “Okay, then. So, yes. I bought you something and I want it to be a surprise. John, look at me,” she ordered. His distraught hazel eyes bored into her own; she lay a hand on his cheek and one over his heart.
“I’m right here, and I’m okay because of you,” she told him softly, trying to soothe the wounded warrior in her arms. “I get that you need time to put what happened behind you, but I swear, I’m safe in my home with you. Radar barely lets me out of her sight and you’re hovering like a worried papa,” Lily caught her breath as the thought hit her mind, making her abdomen clench. He would be an amazing father someday if they were blessed with a child of their own in the future.
“I was so scared knowing you were there,” he admitted in a tone she’d never heard before. He barely spoke the words aloud, yet they’d sounded like a shout from the heart in the silence between them. His arms wrapped around her, cradling her protectively. “I’ve seen so much out there, and you are everything good in my life. The thought of you being injured or gone,” he hesitated, swallowing hard, and she saw a tear slip past his eyelashes.
“John, shhhh my love. I’m okay,” she whispered, kissing him softly.
“I know. But in that moment, everything that made me want to go on living was in jeopardy and I wasn’t just defending you – I was fighting for my very life. Lily, you are the very air I breathe and the reason I even smile in this world. You are the light, my heart and soul – and I want you to be with me always.”
“Don’t do this,” she said thickly, looking at his warm eyes. “I’m here and you don’t have to say these things to me because you want me to be here with you. I’m not going anywhere. I know that I’m supposed to be a part of your life. God guided me to you. I love you more than I’ve ever dreamed possible.”
“And I love you. Lily, I want you to marry me. I don’t want you to push me away or even answer right now. I just want you to know that I need everything from you. Your love, your heart, your hopes and dreams – and I intend to be the man to give those things to you.” John stepped back and released her with a soft smile, nodding. “Go wrap your presents sweetheart, and I will try to keep from clinging to you all the time like a lovesick fool.”
Stunned, she walked back to her bedroom alone where the gifts had been hidden with the wrapping paper. Instead of wrapping, she sat down on the bed, shell-shocked. He’d asked her to marry him and let her walk away without a word.
15
Lily felt like there was such an awkward silence between them. John had stayed out of her way and she’d finally gotten around to wrapping his gifts. They were awful looking because she was having such a hard time with the paper, scissors and tape with her injured right hand. She’d come out of her room and avoided eye contact with him, carefully placing the wrapped boxes under the tree. John didn’t say a word, he simply got up and went to the kitchen. She heard him opening cabinets and the fridge. Glancing in, she saw that he was preparing the roast for her.
“Sit down and let your hand rest. I can get this.”
Another order from her beloved soldier, she thought, but he was right. She was in no position to cut anything with her hand bandaged up like this. She sat down on the couch and propped her hand up on a throw cushion, watching him. Radar jumped on the couch next to her and shoved her nose under Lily’s hand blindly. Leaning forward, Lily propped her phone up against the candy dish she’d set out and dialed John’s mother on FaceTime.
“Hi Martha, its Lily. Merry Christmas to you!” she began cheerfully and saw John come out of the kitchen stunned as he heard his mother’s voice. He sat down hard next to her and smiled. Lily saw his eyes water as he grinned, marveling at the technology.
“Hey Mom, Merry Christmas. This is pretty cool, isn’t it?”
“Your Lily is a lovely girl.”
“Yes, she is. I wish we’d had this when we began talking when I was in Afghanistan,” John admitted, grabbing Lily’s hand and kissing it in front of his mother. He never released it, simply holding it in his own like a lifeline. He still struggled with the fact that he was starting over at times and that he wasn’t alone. He had people that cared for him, within reach. It was almost like he was afraid it was all a dream. She understood better than anyone, because she’d felt the same way when they’d met on stage.
They talked for about twenty minutes until the red battery light came on the display of her phone. Lily could see that John had his mother’s smile and asked that Martha promise to show her the photo albums if they ever came to visit. John rolled his eyes at that, but Lily could see she’d made a friend immediately. Hanging up, John quickly stood and announced he was going to get a shower before evening service before walking out the front door in a panicked rush. John didn’t even ask Radar to follow him, causing the two of them to look confusingly at each other by his actions. Lily plugged in her phone and quickly texted John to see if he was alright, to which he replied a curt ‘yes’.
Carefully, she changed her clothing and pulled on a plain green dress for the holiday. She had small tiny silver bow earrings but couldn’t bring herself to remove the blue tear drops John had given her. Instead, she pinned a silver snowflake to her dress and smiled at the simplicity of it. Pulling on her shoes, she heard a knock. Opening it, she felt her heart melt into her feet. John stood there looking completely and utterly serious in a devastating grey pinstripe suit and dark tie.
“Is everything okay?”
“It’s perfect. Are you ready or do you need any help? I imagine your hand is hurting you.”
Lily shook her head. Her hand was actually throbbing but what hurt more was the fact that she knew deep down inside he was keeping something from her. Two steps forward, one step back. She thought that things were so good between them, but maybe she’d been wrong. Lily frowned. That couldn’t be it because John was politely attentive towards her at church, the only sign of any intimacy between them was that his hand rested on the back of her neck, caressing the nape of her hair. The simple touch was driving her nuts.
They had taken a seat at the back of the church in order for him to be able to step away when Radar needed to go out. That was one thing that impressed her: how well trained the large dog was and the fact that the two were inseparable. Radar was family and John would no sooner leave someone behind than his dog. Sure enough, as a hymn began John leaned over and gently kissed her on the cheek.
“I’ll be right back,” he whispered and nodded towards the dog that sat there looking expectantly at them both. Maybe someday Lily could read her expressions but till then, she was utterly John’s other half. Lily nodded and sang softly, simply at peace with the holiday and overjoyed with her life. Even if there were ups and downs, she treasured what a difference it was having John with her. As he silently returned back to the pew where she was standing, she smiled softly at him and saw him return it, his gaze infinitely tender.
“I love you,” he whispered, looking down at her. Lily marveled again at the miracle blessed upon her for being placed in John’s life. When his hazel eyes looked at her, she saw nothing but shining adoration. He took her hand in his and turned back towards the front to listen as they took their seats once again.
She stared at his beautiful profile and felt so humbled to be loved by him. She felt a faint coldness touch her hand and stared mesmerized as he slipped a gorgeous diamond ring onto her finger silently. The square cut diamond seemed so appropriate, so fitting from him. They’d never even discussed rings at any point but seeing it, it was perfect beyond belief.
His eyes were glued forward on the pastor, but she saw the faint, satisfied smile that teased the corner of his mouth. That sneaky man. He’d been hiding his intentions from her and this was probably the reason he’d been curt or stepped away earlier in the day. No wonder he didn’t want her to answer him when he mentioned marriage, he was probably cursing himself for saying it without a ring yet. They had no secrets and she guessed it had been killing him not to spring it on her.
Her eyes began to water with overwhelming happiness and she gave a quick silent nod of agreement. Yes, she would happily marry him because she couldn’t imagine life without him. He brought her hand to his lips, kissing where the ring lay on her finger as if to seal it into place, before holding it against his chest just above his heart.
Epilogue
