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Her mouth parts open and her features soften as understanding dawns on her. “I grew up having to do a lot for my mom. There were more times than not that she just wasn’t able to survive on her own, let alone raise a child. My father never cared enough or stayed home often enough to actually help. When he was there, he made a point to make everything worse. I don’t remember a time when I relied on anyone other than myself. But somewhere along the way of taking care of my mom, of only getting her kind words and gentle touches when I did things for her, I started to believe I was only worth love when I was being useful.”
I sigh, closing my eyes as I grieve for the naive kid I once was that had his heart broken so many times by a mother who only truly did the best she could. Scar’s hand cups my cheek, brushing her thumb over my closed eye. “I grew up and realized that isn’t true, but I still find that same comfort in knowing that you need me. I love the feeling that fills me when I get the chance to tend to your needs. When I see you relax at the slightest touch and know it’s because you associate me with a calm.”
I open my eyes to meet hers, surprised to find them shining with unshed tears. Not of hurt feelings though, of hurt for me. For what I went through.
“Noah,” she whispers. “When they took you from me, it felt like a part of me was missing. It would be easier to lose a limb than lose you.” I laugh lightly, but she squeezes my cheek in her hand, shaking her head. “No, you don’t understand. I thought that I would never be sane again if I didn’t get you back. I don’t associate you with calm, you are my calm. My peace in the storm. My safe place to land.”
Her hand falls to my chin, gripping it tightly, forcing me to look in the face. “I do need you, Noah. But not because of how you take care of me. Not because of the things you can do for me. Because I love you. For you. You’re mine.”
My heart races as I find myself speechless. My cheeks heat and I know I’m blushing. Her satisfied little smirk tells me everything I need to know about the expression that must be on my face. So many emotions rush through me all at once. Things I’ve never felt before, not even with Scar before.
I’ve known I’ve loved this woman for a long time. How could I not?
She crashed into my life and gave me everything that I was missing out on in life. She helped connect the parts who I am that I had accepted with the parts that I had buried. Accepted me at every turn, put her trust in me even when it scared her.
I smile at her, catching her cheek in my own hand. This feeling bubbling up in me is so much better than the contentment I feel when I know I’m needed. This is elation. A buzz of euphoria. Of safety. Of being loved.
“I love you, baby girl. For the softness you share with us, for the serrated edges you bare to the world. For the way you love and the way you hate too. For your passion in everything you do and your addiction to coffee. Even for the way you don’t see how you take your chaos and turn it into something beautiful. Everything about you makes me love you more, even when it makes me want to wrap you in bubble wrap.”
I move closer to her, my lips just a hair’s breadth away from hers.
“I love you, Scarlett Everhart. For every piece of who you are, who you once were, and who you still have yet to become. Wherever this path leads us, I will be at your side. Loving you.”
Switchinggears toplanning Poison seems odd, but I think Scar needs the distraction.
Every day keeps getting messier and messier. Romano has sent person after person trying to infiltrate our ranks. Our people are going missing on a weekly basis and there’s nothing we can do to stop it.
Sure, we are landing more hits than we’re taking, but every hit lands hard on us. Especially Scar. Despite her hardened exterior, she has the biggest heart of us all. Every loss hurts her. Feels like a personal failure.
Thinking about the future is exactly what we need. We have a lot to look forward to once we clear Romano from the board. Planning for our steps after this war finally comes to an end gives us the push we need to stop focusing on the destruction. Reminds us not of all we’ve lost, but everything we still have coming.
We know that we will be the last ones standing, we refuse to accept any other outcome.
This new club, Poison, is at the top of that list. All of us feel the same excitement that Jade had when she first brought it up to Scar.
A sex club to explore your kinks. A safe place to learn about yourself and push yourself out of your comfort zone. We all have our own reasons for being excited about it. But it’s easy to put our attention on it when everything else is so dark around us.
I pull up to the lot and the hairs on my arms raise before I even have the car in park. We are supposed to be meeting with the contractor today to finalize the building plans, but I can immediately sense that something is off.
I watch Scar out of the corner of my eye and see her guard is also up. Her body is tense as her eyes roam over the flattened landscape around us. They’ve cleared the debris away from where the base of the building used to reside. It is now in several piles that will be getting cleared out over the next several days.
Neither of us are able to place the odd feeling right away. We check with each other for confirmation before pulling out weapons and exiting the vehicle at the same time.
I pause after I slide out of my seat, keeping my door open and my back pressed against the frame as I hunch forward. I trust that Scar is in a similar position on the other side of the vehicle. We both know to trust our instincts and not rush into situations.
When nothing catches my attention, I begin to ease out of my position, sliding against the car as I make my way to the front end. I’m left feeling slightly more at ease knowing we are both wearing Kevlar, as it has become our new habit since Romano has gotten increasingly aggressive.
I mean fuck. None of us expected him to actually take a shot at us at our gym. We were prepared for it, sure. But none of us thought a guy would actually show up there and attempt to attack one of us.
At least it ended quickly and quietly. I know it left Jade and Britt quite shaken up though. Something I can’t help but feel guilt over. I know Scar does too. We never wanted to drag more people into our darkness. They just kept seeming to find their own way there. We’ve found a home here in the shadows.
Scar appears at my side, not as tense as she had been in the car, but not calm either. Suddenly, I wish we had the others with us. Everyone had been busy when we left and I was selfishly excited to have some time with just the two of us. Moments alone are few and far between. But now, I’m missing the backup.
“What are you thinking?” I ask.
She rocks on the balls of her feet, her eyes never stopping from rolling over the area around us. The property is at the end of a long road, there’s forest on one side and the bay on the other, nothing but open land on the other side and behind us.
“Not sure,” she admits. “Something is off, but I don’t think we’re in danger at this moment.”
