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I shake my head to myself and shut my Art History textbook. I’m not retaining a single piece of information when my mind won't stop spinning with all of my thoughts. My anxiety was through the roof after everything Shelby and I discovered on Carson’s laptop and we aren’t even done going through it all yet. I didn’t know how to face him, didn’t know how to face the guys. Was convinced Ashton would seek me out and I’d break down at the first question.
But it’s been a week of near silence.
It’s almost too much silence.
The guys are up to something, they have to be. I’d be blind not to notice the way they’ve been staring at me in classes. The hushed whispers between them, and the phones always in their hands as they pass them back and forth. At this point, I can’t even bring myself to care anymore about what they plan for me next.
Leaving me alone will never last.
I pull my journal out from its hiding place and try to clear my thoughts by putting words on the pages. It may not be the traditional way to journal, but focusing on each word that flows off my pen to create the precise picture, evoke the perfect emotion, is one of the only things that truly muffles the voices in my head. All the thoughts running rampant finally fall quiet as if to witness all the blood I’ve spilt come together to paint a macabre story that has become my life. Or at least a version of it.
“What are you doing?”
I jump in my seat, turning around sharply as I shut my journal. “Shit,” I curse as I stare at Shelby behind me. She raises a brow at me and laughs, pulling the towel off of her head and running her fingers through it.
“Forget I was here?”
I nod, opening my journal back up to finish the thought I had been writing.
“So what is it?” she asks again, opening her closet and sorting through her clothes as she waits for an answer.
I hum in thought. “Just consider it a backup plan.”
“Like plan B?” She pulls out two shirts, one a plain white long sleeve and the other a green and black flannel. I point to the white shirt.
“With your green suede jacket and those jeans that make your ass look good.” She narrows her eyes at me but I just grin. The jacket looked better on her anyways. Plus, I found the cutest matching booties to give her for Christmas. “And more of a plan Z, like I hope to god it never comes to this but just in case.” I shrug as I turn back to my journal and read over the words I’ve inked onto the page so far. They seem so permanent, like writing them into reality. I could just burn the whole thing, maybe one day I will. One day when I can put the entire nightmare in my past, I’ll burn this book full of a reality I hope I never succumb to.
“I’ll make sure we succeed at least before Plan E,” she jokes as she pulls on her jeans.
I laugh with her. “That’s good because Plan F was to move out of the country, live off the land, buy a couple of llamas, and live happily ever after.”
“Huh,” she huffs, pulling the jacket over the white shirt. “Maybe we should just skip to that one. Llama farming. What could possibly go wrong?”
“I’ll start packing my bags,” I agree, smiling. “You look adorable. Date?” She’s been real quiet about who she’s been meeting up with so often these days, but she gets a cute nervous little smile whenever I ask. She’s also been putting a lot more care into her appearance as of late. It has to be a crush.
She chews on her bottom lip, dropping her gaze to the floor. “I’ll tell you about it if it goes well?”
It’s hard not to grin over her nerves. “Deal,” I agree.
She looks over at the outfit laid out on my bed. Back to the skirt, blouse, and tights combo. So very original. “You going out today?”
I nod. “Carson is back just for the day. Turning in assignments, picking up anything he needs, before he flies out again tonight.”
He’s been so occupied that I have barely talked to him, let alone seen him, and the welcome reprieve has been nice. He’s been so busy with the pharmaceutical company leak and competitors' winnings deal that were supposedly solid in his grasp that he hasn’t even been attending classes. Not that the Dean would say anything, I’m sure his daddy has already written a check to cover any gossip and cushion his son's absence. With everything going on I am surprised he has even found time to come back today, but I’m glad in case he lets slip about any information that might be useful to us.
She snorts, her derision making warmth spread in my chest. “Of course he would demand a breakfast date then.”
I click my tongue in agreement. It’ll be the first time I’ve seen him since the gala. At least my shoulder is feeling almost back to normal. The soreness doesn’t even really bother me now. Just the fear of re-injuring it. “I’ll be fine,” I promise. My mask is back in place, walls thicker than ever. I won’t let it fall crumbling around me again. Not if I want to survive.
She hesitates, but I shoo her out the door. No reason for both of our social lives to implode. I yawn and stretch my arms over my head, rotating my injured arm to test the range of motion. It still freaks me out thinking about it. The feeling of bone grinding against bone. I get chills even recalling the sensation and pain when it popped out of place.
The door opens behind me and I drop my arms back to my sides. “Forget something?”
Shelby doesn’t respond and I start to turn around when I feel someone behind me. A hand covers my mouth. I have one moment of panic, before everything turns black.
ChapterThirty-Eight
She thrashes against me,battling me every step of the way as we exit the dorm, but my determination is stronger than hers. It doesn’t hurt that feeling her fight against me makes me hard as fuck. Wrong, I know, but when I’ve got her thrown over my shoulder and my hand around her legs and ass next to my face, I can’t really make myself care.
