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But what now? What’s next? I don’t have any answers that I can give them. Don’t know how long I’ll be able to withstand the torture of having to see them every day and not be able to touch them. To laugh with them. To just be with them again. But that’s an impossibility for a lot of reasons.
His anger feels like a living thing that pulses between us. Even if he’s here to demand answers, determined to not just leave the past in the past where I needed it to stay, it’s still true that they are angry with me. What are we to each other now? We aren’t friends anymore, we were never more, we can’t be strangers, and yet I could never be their enemy, even if Carson demands it. We aren’t anything. That night ruined everything and I didn’t realize it until it was too late.
Fuck. Carson.
The very thing that warmed my chest only moments ago may be what destroys us all. My blood runs cold. It doesn't matter that they’re here, nothing can change. Fear twists through me, writhing up my throat until it’s hard to breathe and tears spark behind my eyes. Regardless of why the guys are here, no matter what they say to me, how badly I want to run into their arms and beg them to save me, my only option is to hurt them. Hurt them so that Carson won’t destroy them.
Fuck, fuck, fuck. What am I going to do if Carson claims I’m not holding up my end of the deal? After my whole bravado of not changing the terms after the contract has been signed, here the guys show up when the one thing I swore was that I would cut all contact with them. I have no choice but to use their anger at me against them. To stroke those feelings into an inferno of blind rage that very well might consume me in its flames. Even if I’m destroyed, even if it’s them that destroys me, at least they will be free.
When everyone rises from their seats I startle, not realizing that the lecture is already over. I missed it all thinking of the past and what the fuck is going to happen next. If I thought my life was a train-wreck before this class, it’s a certified natural disaster now. Everyone around me starts to leave and even though I refuse to look at him now, I feel Hudson silently watching me, waiting for my next move. I take a deep breath, forcing my façade of indifference back into place as I pack away the stuff I didn’t bother to use. He stands at the same time I do and I have to grind my teeth to stop from saying anything. There is nothing I can say to make him understand, so I don’t bother trying.
My breath is held captive in my throat as I pass him, dreading what he might do or say. Surprisingly he lets me pass without another word, although I feel him trail behind me as I leave. I don’t look back, I can’t, I won’t allow my resolve to break just at the sight of him. I slipped in my surprise, allowed myself to feel something as useless as hope, but I’ve remembered just what is at stake. There is no way out for me. My best plan, my only plan, is to keep up my end of the deal with Carson. No contact. No matter how hard they may make that for me.
I almost think he might follow me the whole way to my next class but when we reach a crossroad in the hallway he tosses me one last taunting smile and stalks in the opposite direction. I watch him go, unable to tear my eyes away from him, not when it has been so long since I have really seen him. I feel my heart sink at his retreating form. I give myself this one moment of longing when no one is watching me. One moment before I have to go back to being the cold and indifferent Brielle. They can never know just how badly I wish things were different.
He doesn’t turn back. Doesn’t catch me staring after him. Relief fills me before a sense of unease unfurls in its wake. It can’t have been that easy. Not that sitting at his side and not being able to reach out to him wasn’t torture, but just walking away doesn’t fit with Hudson’s nature. If he’s here out of some stubborn refusal to let go, why leave without saying a word? Why that last taunting look?
I have to shake my head to clear my wayward thoughts and when I move again, the hallways are almost empty. For the first time in two hours I can take a full breath as I head to Biology alone. That taste of freedom only lasts until I breach the doorway of my next class and my eyes land on the only free seat left in the middle of the back row. Right in between Ashton Chambers and Elias Knight.
My mouth opens, words threatening to spill, though I’m not sure what I could even say, but I am saved from having to decide when the professor snaps, “In or out?”
Their presence pulls my stare back to them and I see Eli smirk, forcing me to accept my unexpected fate once more as I smile back and say, “In.”
Every step towards them feels heavy and forced as I focus on that familiar smirk. It’s never once been pointed in my direction, but I know it all the same. Eli has a plan and it’s going exactly the way he intended. With his gaze locked on mine, I can only assume that I am at the center of whatever it is he’s plotting. I’m supposed to be saving them from the same fate I have succumbed to, not dragging them down with me. They shouldn’t have come here, not for me.
Don’t be silly, Brielle. Why would they fight for me? Give up their spots at OCU for me? They gave up on me weeks ago and I can’t even blame them. Who would want to stay friends with the girl who left without even saying goodbye? The girl who swore she would always choose them. I did keep that promise at least, I just had to make them think I broke it in order to keep it. But I can never tell them that. The fear of the consequences enough for me to hold my tongue.
It seems fear is going to be my new constant companion. After everything I’ve done to try and save them, they’re determined to burn in this hell with me. If for a moment I let my own delusions get the best of me, the smirk on Eli’s face and the callous look in Hudson’s eyes before he turned away from me has brought me back to reality. They aren’t here to save me. Which means they can only be here for one other thing. Revenge.
On me.
They never did know how to let things go without settling the score. Isn’t that what started our whole twisted game in the first place?
I can’t let them see my fear, so I bury it under all the anger that has been festering inside of me. Eating away at me.
I don’t bother keeping the bite from my tone when I slink down into the chair between them. “You really shouldn't be here.” It doesn’t matter that they don’t deserve my anger, that it isn’t even directed at them. It’s my only choice. The only semi-real thing I can show them. They need to think that I hate them, that I don’t want them here. They need to leave before Carson decides to do something worse than get them arrested for a stupid prank. I do mean every word I say, even if they’d never guess the real reason behind it.
Eli snorts a laugh, but it’s Ash’s dark hazel eyes that entrap my attention as he grunts, “That makes three of us.”
“Don’t you mean five of us?” I can’t help but snark.
His dirty blond hair is longer than the last time I saw him, but still as messy as ever, as if he hasn’t stopped running his hands through it. My fingers ache to glide through each strand the way I would to soothe him anytime he got stressed, but I doubt my touch is as welcome as it once was. His stare completely disarms me and silences any other words I may have had for him. Neither of them bother to respond to me, but I catch a glint in Ash’s expression as if he’s analyzing everything about me in order to get the answers he seeks. It puts me even more on guard. I know just how well Ashton knows me. He’s always been able to read me like a book, and this is one spoiler I can’t give away.
I turn my focus back to Eli who hasn’t changed much since the last time I laid eyes on him. His brown hair is still being kept short and neat, his glasses still perched on the edge of his nose as if he is watching everyone and seeing everything. Did he see what was coming? Honestly, I bet it’s the only thing he never saw.
This class is even more torturous than the last with two of them on either side of me. Elias goes out of his way to lean across me to talk to Ashton, his scent clouding every thought in my brain as Ash’s stare burns into me. I can barely breathe as I try to pay attention to what the professor is saying, but it’s useless. The only coherent thought in my brain is how much I have missed them, how I can never let them know that I do. How much I wish that night never happened.
What hurts the most is their utter ignorance towards me. Apart from the few words Ash uttered when I sat down, neither of them bothers to speak to me. In fact, they act as if I’m not even here, like I am invisible to them now. It stings more than it should, even if I know it’s for the best. At least their friendship hasn’t changed, they have always been close with one another, different from how they are with the other guys. I’m glad they still have each other, even if it hurts me to remember what it felt like to be a part of that.
The same as with the class with Hudson, I barely notice it ends, but I am quicker to pack my stuff away now, desperate to get away from them and try to claw back some restraint. Lord knows I’m going to need it for what happens next. I have a short break before my next class and if news has reached Carson’s ears like I’m betting it has, there’s no way he won’t jump on this chance to track me down. I swallow thickly at that thought and stand, halting when Eli and Ash stand at the same time as if waiting for me to move. I glance between the two and again Ash looks solemn but Eli offers me a sharp smile, his brown eyes sparkling with humor as he purrs, “After you.”
Fuck. There are no doubts in my mind that they are up to something. Something that I think is going to get all of us into a whole ton of shit that they can’t even begin to imagine. At this point, all I can do is pray that I can get through whatever confrontation they have planned before Carson shows up.
His hand sweeps out as if he is a gentleman and although I know that isn’t true, my desperation has me moving past him quickly and heading towards the door as fast as my heels will carry me. I don’t notice the commotion until it is too late. Until I am faced with an even bigger nightmare than belonging to Carson.
The flyers are everywhere, the walls, the floors, the hands of every student surrounding me and every single one of them houses a picture of a memory that once seemed so innocent and now looks obscene. My body tightly pressed between Hudson and Zaiden on a dance floor, though only I would be able to tell it’s the two of them. Zaiden is behind me, turned away from the camera so not even his sharp jawline is visible, while Hudson has his face buried in my hair, as if he was telling me a secret. My face, however, is on full display, easily recognizable. My eyes are wide and sparkle with delight, my mouth parted open and my head tilted back as if I were laughing at whatever it was that Hudson was telling me.
My breath catches in my throat as my stare takes in the scene before me just as the hoard of students part and I lock eyes with the final piece of the past I thought I left behind.
