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I drop my hand from my necklace immediately. I didn’t realize anyone knew my nervous habit. I do it without even thinking. My parents gave me this necklace for my sixteenth birthday with my birthstone. Holding onto it gives me the same comfort as talking to Mom on the phone.
Shelby narrows her eyes at me. “She always does that,” she tattles on me. “I swear she spends more time playing with her necklace than she just wears it.”
Vanessa cocks her head and raises her brows, waiting for me to tell her what’s going on. I wrack my brain trying to figure out a way out of this conversation.
“It’s just stressful being stuck between the guys and Carson.” I finally land on the half truth. I’ve been careful not to let Vanessa figure out what the guys have been doing since they got here. The last thing I want to do is stick V on them. Girl can be scary and she’s ruthless when it comes to protecting me. Just like everyone else in my life. Maybe that has always been the problem. I never learned how to defend myself.
“I don’t understand why you don’t just talk to them,” Vanessa starts.
“Because they’re jackasses,” Shelby scoffs. I glance at her warily. She knows V and Hudson are twins, but I didn’t tell her that I’ve been keeping the rumors and scandals from her. She wouldn’t understand why I don’t want her to be mad at the guys on my behalf. I can’t admit that I deserve every ounce of ire they’re throwing at me.
“Can’t argue with you there,” Vanessa agrees and I chuckle. “But seriously, B. They followed you there for a reason. They miss you. Just talk to them. Whatever happened I’m sure you guys can figure it out. You always have before.”
Tears fill my eyes at her words. Talking to them won’t do anything but get me into more trouble with Carson. Nothing but maybe end our lives. Money can get you out of a hell of a lot of things. But not this. Not with that video. I shiver just thinking about it.
“I can’t, V,” I whisper. Shelby wraps her arm around my waist, leaning her head on my shoulder. I lean into her comfort, thankful she isn’t saying anything.
“Why not?” V demands, her own temper getting the best of her. As protective as she is of me, the guys are her family too. I’m finally hitting my limit with her. She’s been patient with me, but that line is coming to an end. “Because you know they wanted you to choose one of them? Because you know they all wanted more with you and thought it was actually going to happen and then you went and chose fucking Carson? I mean of all people, B. I just don’t understand.”
I shake my head, denying her words. “It was never like that, V. You know that.” I can’t even bring myself to touch on the Carson thing with a ten-foot pole. Vanessa knows me better than anyone. Knows that I was falling for the four people in the world that I had no right falling for. She knew how close I was to breaking down and seeing if we could cross the line.
“I was nothing but a good friend to the four of them.”
She snorts. “You keep telling yourself that, Bri.” She snaps her head around, almost dropping her phone. “Wait!” she yells. “Is that what happened that none of you are telling me? Did you confess to one of them,” her eyes widen, “or all of them, and they rejected you? Is that why you ran off with Carson? That can not be possible. Oh my fucking god. I’m going to kick those idiots’ asses.”
I laugh, a slightly hysterical edge to it. “That’s not what happened, V,” I attempt to explain but I can tell by the look on her face she isn’t buying it. “I’m with Carson now. That’s all that matters. It isn’t fair to any of us to get stuck in the past or get lost in what ifs.”
“I just don’t understand.”
I give her a small smile, hating myself for forcing her in the middle of our chaos. “You don’t have to understand, Babe. You just have to accept it.” My eyes are watering and I clear my throat. “I gotta go, V. Talk soon.” I don’t give her a chance to argue back, or even say goodbye. Her crestfallen face is already seared into my mind.
Shelby’s arm drops from around my face and she lifts her head from my shoulder as she begins to fidget in her seat. I place my phone back onto the table and sigh, wiping my eyes. I feel even heavier after that phone conversation than I did before.
“So, umm,” Shelby starts, not looking me in the eyes. “This kinda makes the whole, I fucked Z thing a whole lot worse now that I know you used to have feelings for him.”
A surprised chuckle escapes me. I hadn’t told her about our past on purpose. She already blames herself for an honest mistake. It hurts when I think about it, but that was Zaiden’s intention. He wanted to take away the one good thing I have in this place. Force me to think about him with other women every time I look at my roommate.
“It doesn’t change anything,” I reassure her. “You didn’t even realize I knew him when you,” I can’t even bring myself to say it. “Met him,” I finish awkwardly. She flinches as I trip over the words. “I really don’t blame you, Shelbs. I don’t want to let him take you away from me.”
She smiles and drops her head back to my shoulder. “I promise that’ll never happen. Firmly team Bri, no matter what else they pull.”
We stay silent for several moments, just sipping on our coffee. She doesn’t lift her head from my shoulder when she asks, “Was V right though?” I wait for her to continue, clarifying what she wants to know. “Did one of them reject your feelings?”
I shake my head. “Then why did you choose Carson?”
I hesitate. She doesn’t know as much as Vanessa. Doesn’t know how the guys and I used to be. Or that I used to openly dislike Carson. “There were a lot of reasons why Carson was the best choice,” I answer simply.
She hums in thought. “That doesn’t sound like love,” she finally says.
“Love isn’t always what you think it is. My decision was based on nothing but love.”
At least that much is true.
Shelby hums again and I tense, just waiting for her rebuttal. “Well,” she sighs, “at least you have a super hot best friend.”
I snort, surprised by the comment. “Very conceited of you,” I tease.
“Oh no.” She shakes her head, smirking now. “I was talking about Vanessa. Can not get over how goddamn gorgeous that woman is.” She waves her face with her hand dramatically, the angsty atmosphere breaking up as I laugh at her antics.
