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“Thank you, Shelbs. This is amazing.” I put the binder down with the other seven freaking binders on my bed. This puts Carson’s files to fucking shame. I wrap my arms around her and she giggles. When I pull away, her cheeks are flushed in her embarrassment. I don’t think she’s used to sharing this side of herself with others. Can’t imagine many people back home have much need to appreciate a skillset like hers.
She flops back onto her bed and burrows under her covers. Waving and saying she will see me later. I pick up the tin of muffins and my bag and head out the door. No reason to come back up here after dropping these off at Professor Schaubeck’s office, I can just head straight to class.
The hallways are still quiet. Only a few girls awake to get ready for their days at this time. The silence follows me, but it’s like a welcome friend at this point. Much better than the alternative. I tighten my jacket around me. The air this early in the morning has quite the bite to it. The sun will burn it off in just a couple hours and I’ll regret even bringing the damn coat. But for now I’m grateful.
There’s no other students and only a few staff members that I see as I make my way to the language arts department building. Professor Schaubeck had mentioned that while not his official office hours, he tends to always be in his office an hour before his morning classes. It seemed like the best time to catch him without having to run into anyone else.
It seems to have worked out well, because I still haven’t run into anyone as I approach his office. I reach his door and find the light on and the door unlocked, but I don’t see any sign of him. I step out of his office to peek down the hall, but it’s as empty as when I first walked up here. Hmm. I turn back to his desk and that’s when I see a note that he will be back in just a few minutes.
Well, I don’t really need to wait for him. I drop the tin of muffins on his desk and tear a piece of paper from the back of my notebook. Jotting down a quick thank you note, I leave it on top of the tin and make my way back outside to the quad.
It isn’t until after I’ve finished half my coffee that the campus really starts waking up and I see more people dragging their feet to early morning campuses. I check the time, but I still have another half hour before English starts.
I spend some of the time writing more in my journal. It helps me to be as detailed and descriptive in my thoughts as possible. I can’t explain why, but it eases the burden off my chest about things when I have no one else I can talk to. Once I drain the last bit of my coffee, I pack up my stuff and start to head back towards class.
I’m in no rush, so I slip into the bathroom and check my phone one more time. Right on time, there is Carson’s standard morning check in text. It could be sweet if it wasn’t a means to lord his control over me. I sigh as I tap out my usual reply and slip my phone into my bag before moving into a stall.
The bathroom door opens and a group of girls come in just as I lock the stall door. I tamper back a groan as I hear my name in their conversation. Of course they’re talking about me. Why wouldn’t they be talking about me during their morning bathroom run? I just can’t imagine a better topic at 7:50 in the morning while you’re taking a piss before class.
I decide to just wait them out. No reason for a confrontation this early in the morning. Even my coffee can’t prepare me to deal with mean girls this early. I go to pull my phone back out so I can read and tune them out. I’m not particularly interested to hear any new tales about myself.
Only, I’m too late.
Their whispered words cut through me like a knife. The accusations much worse than I thought I would ever face. I never thought I would be tied up in a scandal, let alone one like this. I’ve always been a fairly good girl. Especially when it mattered. All of that comes crashing down around me as I listen to these girls discuss how I got Professor Schaubeck to look the other way after plagiarizing a paper. If I thought the cheating rumor was bad, saying I gave my professor head to avoid getting in trouble is catastrophic.
Chills race down my spine and my stomach roils. The bitterness of my morning coffee preparing to make another appearance. I think I’m going to be sick.
The disgusted tones mix with their judgmental laughter and the sounds of water rushing.
Fuck. I really think I’m going to be sick.
I drop to my knees in front of the toilet and just as I hear the door close and their sneers fade away, I retch up everything in my stomach. This is bad. So fucking bad. Goosebumps break out along my skin as I try to decide what I can do. I can’t go to class. There’s no way I’ll survive this ridicule.
And Carson. I can’t be anywhere in the public eye when word of this reaches him. Everything has already been so bad, just how much worse is he going to be when he hears this?
I check the time on my phone. No new messages. Okay, okay. That’s a good sign for now, Bri. Let’s just think.
The binders.
I doubt there’s anything in them that will help with this, but maybe I’ll find something that I can at least use to distract him long enough to make sure I at least survive our next interaction.
Keeping my head down, I rush out of the bathroom and head back to my dorm room. I’ve never wished to be wearing a hooded jacket so badly before. No one stops me or even notices me, but I can’t get out of my own head the entire walk back to my room.
Once there, time seems to slow and simultaneously speed up as I get lost in my thoughts and pour over each binder now that I’m safely tucked back into my room. A loud whirring rushing through my ears that makes me feel distant from my own body. There’s so much intel, so much I can use to my advantage, but absolutely nothing that gives me an immediate fix.
My heart stops in my chest when I hear banging on the door. No, no, no. Not yet. I still haven’t come up with a plan yet. How does one fight rumors?
The next round of knocks are even more aggressive and I know I’m only making my own fate worse by hesitating.
I trip over my own legs in my rush to jump out of bed while pushing the binders underneath it and out of Carson’s sight. I throw the door open and find him angrier than I’ve ever seen him before. He pushes past me, shoving my shoulder hard enough to make me stumble backwards.
My heart feels like a hummingbird trapped in my chest, beating its wings furiously in an attempt to forcefully break free of its cage. He slams the door behind him and I jump at the sound.
“I don’t know that you’re worth all of this fucking bullshit,” he swears as he looms over me. Fuck. I hate him. I hate everything about him but most of all I hate the power he holds over me. Hate myself for letting him have that power in the first place. This would have all been so much easier if I didn’t give a fuck about the four guys who used to protect me from everything.
I focus my attention on my feet. I have nothing to say to him. He knows the rumor isn’t true, but that doesn’t matter. It only matters what people think, what people are saying. All semester it's been nothing but one fire after another to put out in my name.
“Nothing to say, Darling?” he taunts as he squeezes my hip and steps into my body.
