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I don’t stop, I keep moving, letting my fingers trail along the spines of each book trying to force calm into my veins, but still my lungs burn for something I can’t seem to provide. In through the nose, out through the mouth, over and over, until I feel dizzy, until I reach the next stack in search of more solitude, only to find one of the reasons for all my pain.
Elias.
He looks startled when he sees me, like I was the last thing he ever expected to find in these stacks. I wasn’t exactly expecting to see him either. We both freeze as our eyes rove over the other. I watch as his stare goes from startled, to angry, to confused, and I see the moment he notes my puffy cheeks and red rimmed eyes. I haven’t looked at myself in the mirror, but I can only imagine how atrocious I look. I see the second he goes to move towards me and offer me comfort before he hesitates and remembers we aren’t the same people we were before that night. Remembers he’s one of the root causes behind my tears tonight. Yet still, I can’t hate him. Can’t hate any of them. They’re working so hard to destroy me and they have no idea how close I am to true destruction. Of being so broken they won’t even recognize me anymore.
It would be easy to blame them. To abandon them and save myself. But all the years of love and friendship can’t be so easily erased. Not for me anyway. Carson was always going to try and take me. I can’t believe I never saw it before. How dark and dangerous his obsession was. What he was truly capable of.
He’s the epitome of a snake in the grass. Just waiting for the opportune moment to strike, to sink his fangs into my flesh and flood my veins with his venom. My throat clogs and I struggle not to gag as the ghost of Carson’s taste still haunts me.
I just want it gone. Want to never experience it again. Want something to chase away the aftertaste that is slowly driving me insane.
When Eli’s eyes finally reach mine, something inside of me snaps.
If I’m going insane, I might as well dive headfirst into it. There is no stopping me, no hesitation, I just close the distance between us and slam my lips to his and pray that a kiss I have fantasized about a thousand times is enough to erase all the misery inside of me. The second our lips touch I realize it’s more than I ever could have dreamed of. Every thought about Carson drains from my body, the aches and burns left from his touch all fade away. The only thing that matters is the way Eli doesn’t hesitate to hold me against him. Hold me together. A kiss from my Knight to chase away all of my nightmares.
ChapterEighteen
Everything inside of me stops.
The endless noise, the countless questions, the limitless plans, all of it ceases to exist the second her lips connect with mine. I freeze, but only for a second. One second, that’s all it takes, one second to forget this war we have been fighting and claim her as my own.
My body moves on autopilot as it molds into hers like it knew exactly how to fit as I press her back against the shelf. Her lips enchant across mine as I let my tongue slip out and tease against the seam of her lips requesting access, and when she tips her head back and allows it to me, I moan deeply.
She’s kissing me, Brielle Montgomery, is actually kissing me. Not just kissing me, but owning me, obliterating every other thought in my mind that isn’t centered around how her tongue feels as it caresses against mine. I feel myself hardening in my jeans as one of my hands grips the back of her neck to keep her in place, and the other pulls her in closer by the hip. She moans into my mouth and I feel fire burn down my spine as that sound travels over me, a sound I have fantasized too many times to even count, and it’s even better than any of the ones I imagined.
Her own hands twist into my hair, her fingers gripping it tight like she is holding onto me with everything she has, like she might fall apart if it wasn’t for that hold. I kiss her harder, deeper, longer, just desperate for the taste she is offering me after being denied for so long. In this moment there is no war, no Carson, no other guys, it’s just me, her, and this kiss.
The hand at her hip travels down to her ass and I give it a firm squeeze before I move to part her legs and press myself between them, capturing her gasp in my throat as my jean clad cock presses against her center and my hand slides into her hair to fist it. But instead of spurring her on, she freezes, our actions catching up to the reality of what we are doing.
She pulls back as if my lips are poison and I note the glossy look in her eyes. I would think she was on the verge of crying if her red stained eyes and cheeks didn’t tell me she already had been. What the fuck?
“Brielle, I…” My words trail off as she stares at me breathlessly, waiting for me to say something, anything, but every thought dies on my tongue with the taste of her still swirling.
Any light I might have thought I saw in her eyes, drifts away in an instant and before I can open my mouth again she is pushing me away from her. Escaping our embrace and stalking out of the stacks with me hot on her heels.
She doesn’t even freeze when she spies Ash sitting at our table, who looks up with shock and confusion on his face as he watches her running away, before turning back to me and no doubt noting my swollen freshly kissed lips. I can’t look at him, all I can do is watch her leave and squash down the need inside of me that wants to beg her to stay.
Ashton is in my face before I can take my next breath. “You kissed her.” Not a question or even an accusation, nothing but a fact as his eyes flick between my own and my lips.
I take a deep breath, trying to slow down my heart beat and soften my fucking rock hard dick, that Ash only has to drop his eyes to see if he wants. “She kissed me,” I finally exhale. “Probably some bullshit attempt at trying to stop us from going after her. It meant nothing.” My sad attempt at deflecting isn’t lost on him and we both know it.
“It meant nothing,” he scoffs. “Really? Out of all the lies you could make up right now, you are going to insult me with that one?” He’s mad, at me or Brielle, I’m not sure, probably both, and as much as I wish it didn’t, guilt starts to churn in my stomach under his knowing stare.
“She made her choice, Ashton, it wasn’t us.” I spit the words at him with more venom than I intended as I move back towards our table and start packing away my stuff. For some reason, this no longer feels like a place I can relax.
“She wore red on Tuesday,” he snaps. His voice pleading with me to understand, but understand what? I’m already confused enough at the moment. The last thing I need right now is his doubts too.
“What does that even matter, Ash?” I sigh as I run my hands through my hair. Apparently a nervous habit I’m picking up from him now.
He narrows his eyes at me like he can’t believe I have to ask. I tighten my hand into a fist at my side. Frustrated with the disappointment in his eyes as he looks at me. Why at me? He doesn’t look at Brielle that harshly. Not even after he just watched her walk away from me. Again. But I’m the one that gets his ire?
“All she wears now are beiges, soft grays, baby pinks, and other stupid muted colors that don’t fit her at all. As if she only has access to her mother’s closet. That’s how she’s dressed every day since she arrived at BSU. Maybe even before that for all we know. But not yesterday. Yesterday she wore red. A black and red flannel that didn’t fit her new image at all.”
I scrub my face with my hands. Apparently he’s been paying a hell of a lot more attention to her than I had noticed. “Why are you saying that like it means something?” I demand. I haven’t gotten enough sleep for all of this bullshit. First her and now even Ashton. Two people who I thought would always be on my side. Who would always be able to understand me. And now, it’s like we are all speaking different languages.
“Because it fucking does,” he spits harshly, making my own temper rise to match his.
“Then just fucking tell me what it is you want me to get so goddamn badly.” He flinches at my tone. I’ve never lost my cool with him before. The other two? More times than I can count. But never with Ash.
