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The final pieces of the puzzles of my past click together in my mind. Enough for me to truly understand why I had to endure all of the trauma I did. Why it didn’t end with just that one night. Why I could never feel safe until I forged myself into a weapon.
Tears stream down my face. My body shakes in Declan’s arms. Their words all fall on deaf ears. I can’t hear them. I’m too busy processing it all. Men who were nice to me, who had families, kids of their own. Men who knew me. Really knew me. Didn’t hesitate to tear me down. To tarnish the crown they put on my head.
I want to hurt them. To destroy them. To hear them beg and whimper and watch them bleed before finally stealing the life from their eyes, the oxygen from their lungs.
I just woke up and I’m already exhausted by the emotional turmoil rising and falling through me. My body has a physical response to the emotions I can’t even begin to process.
I was right to be scared. To fear the answer. Somehow knowing makes that night all the uglier, all the more humiliating and painful. It makes every wound that much deeper, cut a little bit closer to the core. Anger at myself for not seeing it. For not noticing the lingering looks sooner, the odd behaviors, the manipulation that occurred after. The way the school stood back and allowed the sharks to circle me in blood-infested waters. For allowing the Dean to put the blame on me and never seeing it for what it was.
I was right to be scared. But I was wrong about it shattering me all over again.
I’m not breaking this time. I’m not alone anymore. I’m not the same girl they once knew and this time, we’re going to meet again on my terms. I’ll be the one with the blade. With the power. With all of the control.
But first, I need to let it all go. So I do.
Luca has already taken control of starting a plan. Declan, Kade, and Ryder all hold me together. I’d bet money Noah is already sitting behind a computer. They’re doing everything I should be doing, so I don’t have to. So I can let go.
I can feel the pain and mourn a life I thought I had stopped mourning long ago.
Sobs wrack my body, but this time I hear every word Declan, Kade, and Ry whisper to me. Each one gives me the strength to hold on. To not get sucked down into the whirlwind of despair building in my soul. I can feel this pain without drowning in it. Because I have them.
It could be minutes, or hours later when my tears finally subside. I feel wrecked. Broken words and half thoughts have slipped free as I tried to purge the thoughts from my brain. The guys stare at me with a mix of awe, devotion, and empathy in their eyes. They feel my pain as if it’s their own.
There was a time I would have thought this breakdown would be a sign of weakness, but my men have taught me better. I’ve never been stronger than in this moment. As I let my emotions bleed out of me the same way they did that night as I laid in a pool of my own blood. And just like that night, I’m going to stand back up, pick up the pieces and put them back together. Build an even stronger armor around my bruised and battered heart and get ready to become the predator.
I have my prey in my sights, and soon it will be time to pull the trigger.
They won’t be ready.
Chapter Twenty-Nine Luca
She must be fucking insane.
I’ve questioned a lot about the woman I love. A fucking lot. I’ve even questioned things about myself. For all the insanity we seem to thrive on, the chaos she sets out to create, the thrill I get from fighting with her over it.
But this is the first time I’m really tempted to duct tape her mouth shut and throw her ass in the closet to wait for us to finish our game plan. Without her. She’d never forgive me. It just might be worth it.
My hand stings as I slam it down on the desk. Everyone jumps except for Letty. She meets my death stare with one of her own. She knows exactly what I’m thinking.
“You have lost your fucking mind if you think we are going to play some sick and twisted version of show-and-tell with those godforsaken photos, Letty.”
She has broken many times over the years, in different ways. She’s even come close to killing herself. She has the visible scars to prove it, and I have the mental ones. Being in love is supposed to be the best feeling in the world. The person makes your world make sense, becomes your home, is a source of comfort and peace. Scar is that for me. Sometimes. She also makes my blood boil, drives me to drink, and has taught me what true fear and grief are.
It’s hard to be in love with someone who doesn’t care if they see tomorrow.
She’s not that fragile girl anymore she is firmly tethered to the here and now. Logically, I know that. But when she broke at seeing the photos Romano had, when she fully lost control to the chaos, I truly thought we may not be able to bring her back. I was terrified that was it. The demons of her past had finally claimed her from me, just when I had been starting to let my guard down. Just when I believed I’d be able to keep her. When I was starting to believe we could all heal and truly move on from our dark pasts. It all began to crumble as she fell apart.
We’ll always be who we are. Born from the shadows others forced upon us. But I thought we’d finally escaped from the chains that had kept us tied there. A few photos were enough to shatter her, and that dream of mine as well.
We’re still in a fragile place of healing, of growth. Setbacks are understandable, but how many can we truly handle before we give up entirely? I can’t handle losing Scar. I’m not strong enough. There’s nothing in the world worth risking her healing. The photos Charles found will do nothing but take her back to that night.
“I’m not saying pass them around the fucking circle, Luca,” she growls through gritted teeth. Her anger is as palpable as my own. Good.
Her anger is better than her sadness. Her pain.
Even hearing their names, learning who they were, recognizing them from her past, it made the memories worse for her. She can put on a brave face now, show all of us how strong she is, but I saw the scared girl from that night still lurking in her eyes.
“There’s nothing left to be found in those photos. Not for you. Not for me. Not for any of us.”
