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Nothing gets under his skin like that smirk does. And she knows it.
My only problem is it has another meaning too. One that doesn’t just get under my skin, but burrows right down into my soul and fuels the very worst parts of me. The doubts and insecurities.
It’s her mask. Her familiar fall back in order to hide whatever is going on in that little fucked up head of hers. She’s hiding. And not just from me, but all of us. Maybe even herself.
Scar bounces on her feet as she pants, the little gasps of breath begging to draw my attention down to her lips. I fight the battle as my lips twitch and I shake my head at her.
Even when she’s lost in the chaos of her own mind, she never stops being able to entice me, to draw me into her storm and make me beg for more. Never stops being aware of what her broken pieces do to mine.
“What you thinking about so hard there, Big Guy?”
Her usual snark doesn’t hit quite the same when I can see the remnants of her earlier hesitation and confusion lingering in her eyes even now. Ever since she saw Charles again, some of her shine has been missing.
No matter how well she tries to fake it, she can never quite hide all the turmoil that’s brewing in her veins. I can feel the angry, pulsing winds tearing her apart against my skin. Each one its own lash, ripping my skin open and making me bleed as once again she fights against her trauma as it tries to drag her back under the surface. Her storm has always called to me, but now it threatens to take me under with her.
“All the things I’m going to do to you once I get you under me,” I snark back, my own fake grin in place. She doesn’t want to hear my worries. Not right now. She isn’t ready to confront what’s eating away at her. I’ve never been good at slowly dragging things out of her.
Noah and Declan can coax her into spilling her guts, into realizing her own truths. I always push her just a little too far, a little too fast. Making her run, making her hide.
“Confident today, are we?” A small twinkle enters her eye and my grin relaxes into something slightly more natural. More real. If only I were more confident. Maybe then I wouldn’t feel this way. Like I’m losing my grip on my own sanity as I watch Scar choose to suffer alone rather than lean on me.
“I’m always confident in my ability to get you on your back.” Her surprised laugh soothes the wounds her distance causes. We all have things we’re good at. This is where I thrive. In my ability to draw her out of herself when she goes dark. To find the joy and happiness in the shadows.
I throw myself across the ring, wrapping my arms around her waist and taking her down to the mat with me. Her laughter grows and I nuzzle my nose against her throat, relishing in the pounding pulse I can feel under her skin as I drag my tongue up her neck.
“I love your laugh, Ladybug,” I confess like it’s a sin. My words make her pause and she arches her body up into me. “I just wish it was enough,” I finish heavily.
She tenses under me and I squeeze my eyes shut, trying not to regret the words that slipped free. I hadn’t meant to say them. Not here, not now. I just can’t get the sight of her listening to Noah talking to Charles out of my head. The look of contemplation as she listened to his words, the smile when he laughed at Charles’ poor attempt at a joke. The hope that she couldn’t quite hide.
I lean up on my elbows to look down at her face. She’s frowning as she looks up at me, waiting for me to meet her eyes. When I do, I find the storm brewing there, no longer trying to conceal it from me. Satisfaction purrs to life in my chest. A familiar beast raising his head at the sight of her anger.
She arches a brow, daring me to repeat myself. I shouldn’t like that reaction as much as I do. But at least she isn’t hiding from me. Everything she’s feeling is written plainly on her face. Sharing with me. Being open with me. Just me.
“Just what isn’t enough for you?” she demands when I don’t answer her silent question.
“Pieces of you,” I answer without hesitation. A grunt escapes me as fire burns in my belly. I huff out a breath. Little brat knocked the wind out of me. My head rocks back against the mat as she straddles me, leaning down over me.
“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” No sign of her earlier smile or laugh left on her angry features.
I smirk up at her. That inner beast riding me hard. I may not be able to coax it out of her the way the other guys can. Might not be the one she chooses to open up to and work through her emotions with, but I can’t just have her happiness. I’ll never be happy with only pieces of her while she keeps others hidden away.
“You’re running again,” I challenge her. “Hiding from me.”
She slams her fist into my chest this time and I cough out with the force behind it. “I’m right fucking here,” she pants out.
We all have our talents. Mine include getting this wonderfully annoying woman above me to smile and also to piss her right the fuck off.
“Are you?” I ask and throw my shoulder into hers, knocking her off balance. She’s quick to move back and diminish my opportunity to get her under me again. She rolls backwards and lands on her feet, still crouched with her hands hovering above the mat. Ready and waiting for my next move.
I get my feet under me and stand tall, towering over her. “Cause it feels to me like you’ve been a million miles away. You spend more time lost in your own thoughts than I’ve ever seen you before. Even more than before you left us.”
She comes at me hard, distracting me with an uppercut that I just barely manage to dodge before she gets me in the chest with a roundhouse kick. It knocks me back several steps, but I don’t let her steal the advantage. I crouch low, faking right and waiting for her movement to match mine before turning on a dime and landing a hit on her left side.
She’s quick to respond with her own kick but this time I’m prepared for it. I catch her foot in my hands and yank her towards me, bringing her down onto her ass. I fall on top of her as she bangs her hands against my chest. “How long are you going to hold that against me?” she demands.
I sigh, my own anger at her distance ebbing as I see the emotion pouring off her in tangible waves. I didn’t want to hurt her. “I’m not,” I promise, raining kisses down on her face. “I told you I forgive you and I do. I know that I had my own blame for that.”
If I thought that would appease her, I was wrong. Very very wrong.
