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“You’ve been distant,” I murmur softly as I approach her slowly. Her gaze doesn’t even flick my way as she continues to stare out the window. She must have been expecting me if she was in here waiting. I have no doubts she was aware the second my presence filled the doorframe.
“So have you.”
I flinch at her response, knowing she isn’t wrong. Even before Charles turned my world upside down, there’s been this ever-growing cavern of space that continues to push us further from one another. A cavern we both have equally contributed to and neither have done anything to try and bridge the gap that was created the night of the gala and the following morning.
Declan was right. We allowed her desire and needs for closure to come between us. We put our anger and our fear before her healing. He has the power to devastate her all over again, to betray her once more. Regardless of the story he’s told, there’s no foolproof way to know we can trust him. All we have is our own intuition. It feels woefully underwhelming when it comes to the possibility of losing Letty all over again. After we just started to get her to move forward. It feels like too big of a risk.
She doesn’t react as I step behind her and wrap my arms around her waist, pulling her flush with my body. After a moment of hesitation, her body relaxes and she sighs out her relief as she melts into me. I can only do so much to protect her, but I can support her.
It isn’t my choice to make. I repeat the sentiment to myself over and over again and tighten my arms around her waist, dropping my lips to her exposed shoulder.
“I’ve missed you,” I whisper against her skin, enjoying the way goosebumps rise along her sensitive flesh. Even now, as we struggle to gain balance on uneven ground, I know her as well as I always have. I can still read her, still elicit such a response from her. Still know she’s mine as much as I have always been hers.
She doesn’t respond, but I don’t need her to. Not this time. I know she’s missed me too, missed all of us. It’s been weeks since that night at the gala and none of us have been quite alright. The answers we’ve been searching for–the entire purpose behind building everything that we have–are right there at our fingertips. All of a sudden it seems as if the closer we get to our end goal, the more we have to lose.
We started down this path with the objective of becoming invincible, strong enough to tear down those who stole her power from her when she was too weak to do anything about it.
Forgiveness and healing were never our end goals, only blood and chaos. She never wanted to be anyone’s hero and I only ever wanted to be hers. That doesn’t stand true any longer. Neither one of us expected to build everything else that came with it. This family, this home. This innate desire to want to do and be better. To not only get revenge but maybe even to heal and soothe our old scars as well.
I never thought it was possible. Not for either one of us. I thought we were too broken, too lost, too many fragmented pieces to ever even dream about putting ourselves back together again. But somehow, each new person that has entered our lives and stayed has helped both of us rebuild ourselves. I’m questioning everything, especially after the revelations of the night.
“I don’t think I can ever forgive him,” I whisper into the heavy silence of the room. Her body tenses in my arms, but she doesn’t pull away from me. I force myself to take a deep breath and push through everything else. All of my reservations, all of my insecurities and fears. “From where I stood, on the outside looking in, he was always a part of the problem. Always pushing you into a role that never really suited you. A box that was far too small for the way you always shined. I hated him before he ever turned his back on you. Before he let his friends hurt you. Before he stood back and did nothing while your life fell apart and disintegrated in your hands.”
My chest aches as I think back on all the years Kade and I watched her from afar, lying to ourselves that she was happy and safe. Too young to recognize the cracks in her facade for what they were until there was nothing but those very same cracks and holes left. I press my nose against her throat and breathe in her scent that is so uniquely her. It never fails to ground me, to remind me of how far we’ve come. To remind me that everything that really matters, I already have.
“Maybe I was wrong about all that, wrong about him. Wrong about who I thought you were and what you needed before I even really knew you. He has a lot to say about what happened back then,” I trail off when she snorts.
“Yeah, I heard.”
My pulse races as the words register and worry replaces my agitation. If I’m still reeling, what’s going through her head?
“You guys weren’t exactly quiet,” she teases, almost too lightly for the subject matter. Instead of easing my nerves, it makes me nauseous. I know her well enough to recognize her deflection skills.
“Letty,” I whisper, her name a desperate plea for her to stay with me, to not shut down, not push me away.
Her head knocks back against my shoulder, revealing more of her face to me. Her eyes are closed, but lines of confusion and apprehension give away the battle raging behind them. She purses her lips, as if she can’t quite decide if she should say anything or not.
“I don’t know, Luca,” she finally admits on a sigh. “Back then, I was too naive, too lost and confused to realize all the little details that didn’t line up. All the things Charles pointed out? They’re true,” she huffs, running her hands over her face. She lifts her head off my chest and turns in my arms, finally opening her eyes to meet mine.
Fire isn’t green, but I swear that’s what I see burning in her eyes. Green flames that consume her, lost in memories of the past. Analyzing all the bits that never quite made sense to her and seeing them in a new light.
“I realized it a few years ago,” she admits. “The group home, the neighbor, even the way I was able to run away with you. All these little inconsistencies that didn’t match up with the world I knew. I thought there were answers lying in those discrepancies. I just never thought they would lead back to him. Lead to a truth I didn’t know to brace myself for.”
I hold my breath, my lungs burning as I wait for her to continue. To let me in.
“It should be a good thing, this revelation. It should ease the hurt his betrayal caused, dull the sharp pain of abandonment that chased me for so many years. That caused me to push you all away for so long.”
“But it doesn’t?” I phrase it as a question, but I don’t need to. The battle waging in her eyes is enough of an answer. It’s the same one I’ve been grappling with since I left the office. Since I accepted his version of events doesn’t sound like a lie, even if I’m not ready to accept it.
Finding out the truth doesn’t change the years of rage and hate for me. How could it change the years of her suffering?
“His story is the most plausible explanation. I never found anything that led back to anyone else. Could never formulate any motivations behind putting me in the group home, or for someone to save me. I’d chalked it up to fate or good karma, but we both know I’m not a big believer in either of those things.” She huffs a laugh, sounding more tired and worn out than I’ve heard her be in a long time. “I let it go because I decided it didn’t matter. Those answers weren’t going to lead me to my revenge, so I moved on.”
Her words don’t carry any emotion, nothing to enlighten me on how she’s actually feeling over the discovery. Delivering them as if they’re just casual observations, inconsequential facts, when really they change everything.
I’m not the “how does that make you feel” type of guy. That’s all Declan. Noah and Ryder are better for that. Fuck. Even Kade is more in touch with his emotions and how to communicate them than I am and he regularly beats people to death instead of going to therapy. Yet, I feel like I have to try.
“But they do. They do matter because you still care. You wanted to forgive him even before today.”
