AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“Rakas,” Ilmari murmurs. “You are well?”
He’s a light sleeper, so me shifting in my seat probably woke him up. I turn to face him with a soft smile. He’s wearing a Rays hoodie with the hood pulled up, casting his handsome face in shadows. A small number thirty-one is printed over his chest.
“M’fine,” I reply.
“You’re uncomfortable,” he says, reading me like a book. He flips up our armrest and pulls me to him, nestling me against his chest. He’s so broad and warm, my own Finnish furnace. His large hand brushes up and down my back as he leans down to kiss my head, propping himself up against the window. “Can’t sleep?”
I nuzzle into him, my arm draping around his waist. “Iwasasleep…”
He sighs, his hand stopping its movement. “The dreams again?”
“It’s fine,” I say, pushing off his thigh with my hand to lean away.
I’ve been trying to keep my weirdness to myself, but I’ve woken up more than once twisting up in the sheets or crying out in a panic, so my guys caught on pretty quick that something was wrong. You don’t know determined until you’ve lived with three men desperate to cure you of your pregnancy-induced nightmares. I can’t complain if it means I’m now getting served cups of chamomile tea bedside. Nightly hand and foot massages are also now a requirement. Oh, and my side of the bed is fluffed with enough soft blankets and pillows to induce hibernation.
But all of that waits for me at home, which is still thousands of miles away. Up here in the air, I just have to tough it out like everyone else.
Ilmari sighs, following me as I sit up in my seat. It can’t be that much longer. Maybe I’ll just read for a little while.
“You need to rest,” he says. I feel his breath warm against my cheek. That softly spiced smell of his cologne fills my senses, telling me I’m home. But even his presence isn’t enough to totally wash away the feelings evoked in the dream.
“I’m too wired to sleep,” I reply.
Too freaked. Too upset.
Yeah, we’ll stick with wired.
His large hand drops down to cover my little bump. My heart flutters, even as I feel my pulse settle. He’s here. He’s with us, holding us, protecting us. I rest my hand over his, basking in his warmth, my thumb tracing circles on his skin.
To know the way this man loves this baby, to watch him melt at every doctor’s appointment—it’s my new addiction. The first time we heard the heartbeat, I figured Jake would cry. IknewI would. We weren’t prepared for Ilmari. It’s the first time I’ve ever seen him get misty eyed, let alone cry fat tears. Safe to say my mascara didn’t survive that first ultrasound.
And now Ilmari’s protector mode is off the freakin’ charts. You’d think I morphed overnight into a Fabergé egg. Jake had to physically restrain Ilmari when Morrow accidentally elbowed me on the stairs while boarding our last flight. Poor Morrow was falling over himself with apologies while Jake held our brooding goalie back.
“What happened in the dream?” he murmurs, his hand brushing softly back and forth over my bump.
I sigh, leaning my temple against his forehead. “It’s silly. It was just a dream. Or like, a twisted memory or something,” I say, trying to brush the whole thing off.
“It’s not silly to me,” he replies. “I can feel your worry. I see it here,” he says, lifting his hand from my stomach to trace his finger over my furrowed brow. “Talk to me, Rakas. Your burdens are mine to carry, remember?”
I nod, swallowing down that thick lump of emotion in my throat. “It’s always the same,” I say, not daring to look at him. “Every night, I fail them or lose them…or they run away. I can’t hold on. Can’t be what they need. I’ll mess everything up—”
“Shh,” he murmurs, his thumb brushing my cheek. “No, my love.”
Shit, when did I start crying?
I sniff, blinking my eyes to stop more tears from falling.
“You will be such a wonderful mother,” he says, his breath warm against my cheek. “Mun Leijona, I cannot wait to see how you will care for this little one,” he adds, his hand back on the bump. “You will be the best mother.” As he speaks, he splays his hand proudly against me. He kisses my cheek, his lips soft, even as his beard tickles.
I lean into him, letting the cadence of his voice calm me.
“You are my beating heart, Rakas,” he goes on. “Soon it will split in two. This life you carry will take half of me away from you. I’ve never been a father. I have no example to follow, but I’m not afraid. We lead with love, yes?”
I nod as he leans in closer, kissing me again. “I don’t want to mess this up,” I say, voice catching.
“We will make mistakes,” he replies solemnly. “But between the four of us, this child will know nothing but love. May it have your courage and Caleb’s strength, Jake’s unwavering kindness—”
“And your patience,” I add, turning slightly to face him, my hand splaying over the thirty-one on his chest.
