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“Are you kidding?” I reply. “Tess was here.”
“I heard that!” Tess calls.
“I got you a coffee,” Jake laughs, handing me my cup. “And we can help you shower if you’re up for it. Mars brought all the stuff you asked for.”
I take the cup eagerly. It feels so warm against my palms. I lean my face over it, breathing deep. God, this scent is nirvana. I’m trying to give myself grace, but the feelings still creep in at least once a day. Am I monster for beingthisexcited about not breastfeeding my own baby? Because I literally cannot wait to drown my liver in coffee and booze. It feels like I should be feeling sorry about that, but holding this coffee, it’s hard to remember why.
“Tess, I didn’t get you anything,” Jake calls over his shoulder, snatching up his own coffee and handing one to Caleb. “Want Cay to go to Starbucks for you?”
Caleb punches his shoulder. “Volunteer yourself, asshole.”
Tess and the nurses laugh. “I’m fine,” she says. Then she glances over at me, biting her lip. “Actually…hey, uhh…what if I take my godson on a little trip down to the cafeteria? I’ll just get a coffee down there.”
All three of my guys go still as statues. Yeah, she’s terrible at subterfuge. Her voice got all high and squeaky at the end.
“Oh shit,” says Jake with a big grin. He spins around to face Kelly. “Are the results in?”
“The results are in,” she replies.
“Okay, breathe everyone,” he says, hand to his chest. In his crisp white t-shirt, black athletic shorts, and backwards Rays cap, he looks every inch my Sporty Ken doll.
“I’ll just come back in a bit,” says Tess, hitching Jamie up on her hip. The sound of his happy gurgling follows them out of the room.
Caleb slips around the end of the bed to snag the empty seat by Ilmari, peering over his shoulder as Ilmari feeds the baby.
“So, how y’all wanna do this?” says Kelly. “Want me to read it out for you? Want me to write it down, and y’all can read it out when I leave?”
“Just tell us,” Jake begs as Caleb says, “Write it down.”
She looks to me and I look wide-eyed back, my coffee raised halfway to my lips. “Well, I can’t decide—”
“Babe, it has to be you,” Jake urges.
“No way,” I say, shaking my head. “Nope. I birthed these babies back to back. That was my job. I’m out. You’re all deciding this.”
“Write it down,” calls Ilmari softly.
Jake sighs. “Fuck, that’s two against one. Write it down, Kels.”
With a smile, she shakes her head and pulls a pad of blue Post-its from her scrub pocket. She makes a show of turning around and using the wall to write on. Then she folds up the little Post-it and hands it out to Jake.
“What?” he squawks. “No way! I can’t take it. God, are you kidding me?” He slinks away from her, ducking around the end of the bed to go sit on the arm of Caleb’s chair.
“Well, someone has to take it,” she teases, extending her arm.
All three of my guys lean away, like she’s offering to let them pet a rattlesnake.
“God, just give it to me,” I say, holding out my hand.
“You sure, mama?” she says, one dark brow raised.
“Yeah, hand it over. This way means I get to know first,” I add, leveling a smirk at Jake.
“Hey, no fair,” he cries.
“She literally just offered it toyoufirst,” Caleb reasons. “You could have read it to yourself and swallowed the paper. You could have kept us dangling for another hour. You chose to chicken out instead.”
“Fuck,” Jake mutters.
