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“You know…you’ve never said it to me before,” Ilmari murmurs. There’s a vulnerability in his voice that I don’t know I’ve ever heard before. “It’s been almost four years, and you’ve never said it,” he says with a shake of his head. Tears rim his blue eyes.
“Mars,” says Caleb, mirroring his head shake.
“I feel it every day,” Ilmari goes on, glancing down at the baby. “I see it. I know it to be true. But…will you say it now?” He looks up, holding Caleb’s gaze again. “Will you take this son I name for you, and say it?” He leans forward, holding the baby out to Caleb.
A silent tear slips down my cheek as I watch them.
“Please,” Ilmari murmurs.
Hearing that word, Caleb breaks, his own tears falling. He leans forward in his chair over the baby, gripping Ilmari’s bearded face with both hands. “Of course, I’ll fucking say it.” Then he’s kissing Ilmari’s temple, his forehead. “I love you, Mars. Fuck, I love you so much. I love you. I’ll tell you every fucking day.”
Ilmari breaks too, one protective hand holding Tuomas close as he reaches out with his free hand, fisting the front of Caleb’s shirt, burying his face at Caleb’s shoulder.
It’s only in hearing it now that I realize it’s true. I tell Ilmari I love him every day. Multiple times a day. And Jake has never been stingy with his affection. He hugs Ilmari all the time. He’ll snuggle him on the couch, saying he needs his Finny Bear. Jake’s the best at Christmases and birthdays, making everyone feel special and loved.
I always knew Caleb was the most reserved with words of affirmation. I’ve grown to accept it seeing how well he proves himself with action. But I at least have heard the words. I can’t imagine being in Ilmari’s position, never hearing them uttered.
I cling to Jake, watching Ilmari and Caleb break apart. Ilmari keeps ahold of his shirt and Caleb keeps his hand on Ilmari’s shoulder.
“Will you love our son?” Ilmari asks. “Will you keep him safe as you keep me safe?”
Caleb nods, one hand dropping down to cup his son’s head. “I will.” He leans down, kissing his brow. “I’m gonna love you so much, little guy. You and your daddies. Your mom. Your beautiful brother.”
He glances up, looking at me. The depths of his dark eyes are bottomless as he pulls me in. Ilmari’s soft confession has shattered his walls to dust. “I love you, Hurricane. So fucking much. You made me a father, a husband. You’re the reason I have any of this,” he adds, gesturing around the room. “You make Mars feel whole, but you make me feel seen. You see me, baby. And I pray to god youneverlook away.”
I shake my head. “Never,” I reply. “Cay baby, never.”
He closes his eyes, taking a deep breath, his hands still on Ilmari and Tuomas.
Next to me, Jake shifts, wiping his eyes. “Well, Mars feels whole and Cay feels seen, but you set me free, Seattle.” He tucks the loose strands of dark hair back behind my ear. “Meeting you in that bar is the best thing that ever happened to me. I’m free now. Free to love, free to live. You’re amazing, Rachel Price. You’re a gift.” He kisses my brow and we breathe each other in. I know he feels the same as I do, his mere presence enough to spin me up, even as he calms me down.
Ilmari gets out of his chair and Jake takes my coffee so he can place the baby in my arms. With his hands free, Ilmari cups my face and kisses me. “Mä rakastan sua.”
“Niin mäkin sua,” I whisper against his lips.
“You know, you’ve never said it to me in Finnish before,” Jake teases, looking up at Ilmari.
Ilmari stills. Then he leans over me, cupping Jake’s neck to kiss his forehead. “Mä rakastan sua, Jake.”
Jake smiles bright, one hand on his chest. “Okay, I legit just felt a heart flutter. Why was that so hot?”
Ilmari and I both laugh as he leans away. “I’m already married.”
“Love you too, Mars,” Jake replies.
Ilmari steps back to let Caleb in.
Caleb looks at the baby in my arms before giving me a kiss. “More than my own life,” he intones. “All of you. The five of you. I love you more than my own life.”
I nod, shifting my hold on the baby to cup Caleb’s stubbled cheek. A curl of his reddish brown hair falls over his brow. “You’re mine, Cay. You’reours. These babies. This family. We need you. Love us and let us love you.”
Caleb heaves a grateful sigh as he nods, his shoulders relaxing.
Ilmari steps in beside him.
Next to me, Jake sits up, setting his coffee aside. “I don’t know about you guys, but I’m ready to get the fuck outta here. Why don’t we go track down Kelly, let Mars sign the birth certificate, and we all go home?”
I smile as the other two groan with relief.
