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I OPEN THE door to my apartment and look around the space. Nothing’s changed, yet it’s different. It feels different, looks different.
I close the door and head straight to the kitchen for a glass and a bottle of red wine. Then I run a bath and lie back in the dark. I slip down under the water, my hair fanning around me, wishing the wine would kick in and numb me.
I take a deep breath and slide further so the water covers my face. When my body needs to take a breath, I stay there, my arms floating up to the surface of the water. As my lungs scream for air, I stay there.
I’ve asked myself so many times: how could he do this? How could my father know he was killing himself, leaving me, and do it anyway?
Lying here, drowning in betrayal and deception, I understand.
The intercom sounds, dragging me from my trance. I sit up quickly and breathe rapidly, holding my throat.
I climb out of the bath, wrap a towel around me, and head into the lounge. I hit the lights, dimming them quickly when the brightness irritates my pupils.
“Hello?”
“Dayna, Christ.” Teddy exhales, long and hard. “Let me in before I kick my way in. I swear to God I will bring this place down.”
“I don’t want to see anyone, Teddy, least of all you.”
“Dayna, I didn’t know. Open the door.”
“No.”
“Open the door right now, Dayna. You know this is nothing to do with me. I want to see you.”
I drop my head to my hand on the intercom, battling with myself. He’s still Teddy. Whether it’s the right decision or not, my thumb presses the button, and I hear Teddy enter the building.
I quickly switch my towel for leggings and an oversized jumper then answer the door. I don’t know what to say to him, so I leave him there and head into the kitchen for another wine glass, filling one for Teddy and topping myself up.
The best thing about Teddy being adopted is that I don’t see Arthur’s deceitful face when I look at my friend.
“Seems like you and Clark have the same idea,” he says, sitting in the corner of the sofa closest to my chair. “Drink yourself into an oblivion.”
“Yeah, well that’s always been Clark’s way.” I pull my knees onto the sofa and hold up my wine glass. “This is a new development.”
“I’ve called you fifty times, Dayna. Rachel has tried you. Clark is going out of his mind.”
I scoff. “My fault, I guess, all of this.”
“Stop being so hard, goddamn it. Everyone is hurting. You’re not the only person who was lied to.”
I don’t raise my voice to match his. I don’t have the energy. I just stare at the wine in my glass. “‘Lied to’ is an understatement, Teddy. I just found out my father was a cunning, manipulative cheat. He let me think all these years that my mother left me and didn’t love me. Worse than that, I find out his best friend in the whole world, the man I’ve trusted with my own life, my company, everything, gave Caspar Kahn and Harold Layton what they needed to sabotage my father.”
I kick my legs out from under me and move to the window, draining half my glass in one gulp. “He killed himself because he found out his best friend betrayed him. And for what?” I turn sharply. “Money.”
“Dayna—”
“Do not try to reason with me, Teddy. Was it worth it? My father’s life for a retirement fund?”
“No. Nothing is worth that.” He stands and comes next to me in the window. “I’m not here to defend Arthur. I can’t even stand to look at him. But know that he’s sorry, truly sorry.”
I search Teddy’s big brown eyes and find honesty. Every limb in my body aches. “How did you find out?”
“Clark told me. He was worried about you and asked me to come straight over. When you weren’t here, I figured you’d go to Arthur. So I went there.” He shakes his head and takes a large drink of wine. “He was inconsolable. I know it doesn’t change things, but you should know that. He told me how he’d given Caspar the information he needed. He regrets what he did.”
“Did he know what they were going to do?”
He shrugs. “I don’t think he thought beyond the money. I can’t defend him, I won’t even try, but I don’t think he could have anticipated the explosion and the extent of the damage they caused.”
