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Her words physically wind me. I stare at my sister and swallow the enormous lump in my throat. “I’ll be in shortly.”
She nods, presses a hand against my shoulder and takes Izzie inside. My favourite girls. Somehow, my father didn’t manage to ruin them. If taking the heat from him all my life helped with that at all, I wouldn’t change a second of it.
I sit on the wall of the porch, my elbows resting on my jeans, my hands pulling at my tousled hair, trying to counter the headache that’s building at the base of my skull. Eventually, I give in and open the door to the lions’ den.
The hallway has been painted since I was last here a few weeks ago. The top and bottom are teal, separated by a white dado rail. The wall mirrors and photographs have been replaced by silver frames, and the chaise longue has been reupholstered in cream fabric. My mother has a wholescale interior makeover whenever there’s change in her life, the same way normal women might get a haircut or buy a pair of new shoes. This could be pre- or post-wedding decorating. I stop in front of one of the mirrors. I adjust the hair I just messed up then pull my shirt straight and tuck it back into my jeans. Here goes.
I open the door to the lounge and find the room is full of people. Kathryn and Izzie are on one of three sofas next to my brother-in-law, Joe, who dips his head in greeting. Martin Wiltmore is standing in the middle of the room. He’s so tall his head is close to grazing the crystal chandelier, which hangs low despite the high ceilings. His wife, Sara, sits close by on the end of another sofa. She reaches for her glass of champagne when she sees me, blatantly uncomfortable and looking for something to do with her hands. The room is silent but for Izzie shouting, “Ucca Cark.”
Frederick Hamilton meets my eye with a look of sheer disappointment. He’s treated me as his own for years, as long as I’ve been good friends with Jay. A week ago I was supposed to become his son officially. Now, I’ve upset his entire family, and I don’t know what I can do or say to make it any easier. Penelope stands from the sofa closest to me and walks in my direction, pausing just inches from me. I know what’s coming. It happens in slow motion, yet I don’t try to stop it. Penelope’s flat palm strikes my cheek. Damn, that woman can slap.
She raises her hand for a second time, her expression full of venom, and I grab her wrist as lightly as I can while stopping her impending blow. “Penelope, I never set out to hurt Connie, you know that.”
“You did hurt her, Clark. She’s at home, alone, because she thinks the world is laughing at her. You broke her heart and her self-esteem.”
“And I’m sorry, Penelope, so, incredibly sorry. But we aren’t right for each other. I know that now, and she will too.”
There’s a shift in her demeanour, subtle though it is. “I hope you’re right.”
“Big man!”
My younger brother, seven years my junior, rescues me. It’s never been confirmed for the record that Spencer was an accident, but I like to tell him so regardless. With affection, of course. He pulls me in to a masculine, back-patting embrace, and conversation resumes in the room behind us. “Fucking saved me, kiddo,” I say for Spencer’s ears only.
“How you holding up?”
“Besides getting a bollocking or a beating every time I step foot out of my apartment, not bad.”
He laughs and grips my shoulders. “Man up, Layton. How’s work?”
“Trade you for your job in a heartbeat.”
“No chance, man. I’ll take being ignored because I make documentaries for a living over being Harold’s bitch, any day. You’ve been hit with the older brother curse.”
My kid brother really has no idea how jealous I am of his life. He flies under the radar. He gets a say in how his own life goes. A freedom I never had. Then there’s Kathryn. She’s the star of the Layton show, having already borne a grandchild and being a senior financier. Me, I’m the biggest disappointment in the family.
“Yeah, well I got to drink before you,” I tell him.
“And bang birds before me.”
I quickly glance around the room to confirm we’re out of earshot. “Come on, Spence, pick your company.”
“Sorry, man. Right, I’m going to steal some meat before it hits the table.” With that, he leaves for the kitchen and abandons me on the wrong side of enemy lines.
I play with Izzie, bouncing her on my knee, talking to her despite rarely receiving a response, and I count down the minutes until lunch. At the table, I sit next to Kathryn, flanked, in accordance with Izzie’s orders, by a high chair to my left. That suits me fine. Entertaining Izzie has meant I haven’t had to speak to my father. My mother is still sour with me, so her conversation is mostly directed at the Wiltmores and Hamiltons.
I catch Frederick’s eyes more than once, and I’m racked by an overwhelming sense of remorse each time. He’s a good man. The Hamiltons are a nice family, and now I don’t think things will ever be the same between us. When our parents first talked me into going on a date with Connie, Kathryn warned me that it could end badly, that I could lose close friends. I didn’t listen. As ever, she was right.
When Frederick excuses himself before dessert, I follow and stop him by the lavatory door. “I am sorry, Fred, genuinely. I wish I’d never started up with Constance, because then I’d never have hurt her. But I want what you want, really. I want to see her happy. She wouldn’t have been happy with me, not in the long run.”
His thick grey-black brows scrunch, almost touching in the middle. “In some way, Clark, I’m pleased you ended it. She still has a clean slate to meet the man she should be with.” He pats my cheek, and there’s still a trace of paternalism in his touch, no matter how small. “You’ll be a good man one day, Clark, and Constance will get the life and husband she deserves. But she’s my little girl, so don’t ask me to forgive and forget just yet.”
“I can understand that. Listen, I want to see her. Do you think she’d be okay with it?”
He tuts and drags air through one side of his mouth. “She might. Her mother won’t be.” He looks back along the hallway to the dining room. “I suggest you take off now. She’s staying at home with us. I can buy you an hour, but if Penny catches you there she’ll be reddening your other cheek.”
“Thank you.”
“And, Clark, if you do or say anything to hurt her…”
