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My throat tightens. My eyes feel like someone struck a match at the sockets. I need to get out of here. I head downstairs, pull on a t-shirt, and start packing my case.
“I take it you slept with her.” Spencer is standing in the doorway, yawning, stretching casually, as if the whole world isn’t falling down around me.
“Not now, kid.”
“Leaving seems a bit extreme.”
I launch the pair of jeans I’m packing at the wall and drag a hand over my face. “I don’t know what else to do. She was going to leave. Am I supposed to let her leave?”
“You don’t hate each other. Far from it. Why don’t you try the not packing up and leaving approach for once? Then the pair of you might stop fucking up so badly.” He walks away, scratching his back and creaking his neck.
Another text from Connie lands on my phone. PLEASE. I NEED TO TALK.
Christ, what do I fix first?
I run from my room and bound up the staircase a second time. She’s standing by the window, looking out across the white horizon.
“I’m not going.” I step into the room and wait. She eventually turns to face me. “I told you last night that I broke things off with Connie because I loved her but I wasn’t in love with her.”
“Clark, please.”
“No. You can listen to what I’ve got to say because I’m here. I’m here and I’m not going anywhere, Dayna. Not this time.”
A fresh tear traces a path down her beautiful face, and my ribcage starts to feel like a lead weight crushing me. I’d give anything to take away her pain. And the best I can do is give her honesty.
“What I didn’t tell you was that the night before the wedding, I found out my father had been having an affair. Do you know how he justified it? He said he was married to the woman he was supposed to marry. What he meant was, not the woman he wanted to be with.”
She folds her arms protectively across her chest. “What has that got to do wi—”
“I realised then that I’d both feared and idolised my father all my life. Until that moment, when I lost whatever respect for him I had left. I didn’t—don’t—want to be like him, and I knew that if I married Connie, there was every chance I’d one day end up following in my father’s footsteps.” All I want to do is go to her, but I’m afraid if I do, she’ll retreat. “I wasn’t in love with Connie, Dayna. She was the woman I was supposed to marry, but the woman… the woman I want to spend my life with is standing right in front of me.”
Her shoulders shake as she takes a short, shallow breath.
“I love you, Dayna. I do. I always have. I don’t expect you to trust me, not yet. But I’m not walking away. Whether you want me as a friend or whether you want to be with me in every way, I’m here, in whatever form you’ll take, because I need you in my life. It’s you. Only you. It’s always been you, Dayna. I was just the dickhead who couldn’t get his shit together. And I’m sorry.”
“I can’t do this again. Nobody has ever hurt me like you. You broke my heart and I just don’t know if you can fix it.”
I nod because I have no idea what else to do.
“You were supposed to be married, Clark. I’m not your rebound.”
“But I’ve told you…”
“I know. I heard you. But it’s raw. You say you’re not in love with Constance but maybe you’ve just lost the fire. You do love her. You said as much. All we have is lust. Don’t mistake that for more than what you have with her. You can’t spend the rest of your life with lust, Clark. At some point, the spark will fade. Go get it back with Constance.”
I’ve never believed people really see red mist when they’re angry enough. Until now. “What the fuck? Dayna, fucking listen to me.”
“I am.”
My phone starts ringing in my pocket, and I take it out to shut the thing up. Connie’s face is lighting up the screen.
“Is everything okay?” Rachel’s voice comes from behind me. She’s at the bedroom door, in silk pyjamas and furry boots. “That’s an obvious no,” she says, coming into the room.
Shit.
“Answer it,” Dayna tells me.
She’s staring right at me as I accept the call. I try to tell her I’m sorry in a look. “Connie, is everything alright?”
