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I stir and try to open an eye but pin it closed again when the light feels like it’s piercing my eyeball.
‘Good morning, sleepy.’
I roll onto my back on my leather sofa, realizing I’m in my apartment, and try to piece together last night. Paddy’s bar. Scotch. Home. More scotch. Sarah taking off my jacket and shoes on the sofa.
‘I think I’m dying,’ I groan, dropping my hands over my face.
‘You look like shit.’
I can well imagine, if the throb in my head is anything to go by. ‘What are you doing here?’
‘Besides bringing you these?’
I open one eye again and see Advil and a coffee in her hands.
‘You’re an angel.’
‘I know.’ She takes a seat on the sofa opposite mine as I drag my sorry ass up to sit.
‘What time is it?’
‘Six.’
I groan again, dragging a hand over my face.
‘Becky called me last night, I’m guessing as soon as you left her place. It didn’t take long for me to work out where you were. I figured you’d think about taking this all out on Edmond. I also figured you’d turn to your nemesis: Johnnie Walker Blue Label.’
For all the good it did, because that same pain in my chest and in my gut is back. ‘She’s married.’
Sarah crosses her legs and purses her lips. ‘She told me.’
I close my eyes because I don’t want to see her sympathy, and I drop my head back on the sofa. ‘How could she lie to me about that?’ My eyes burn behind my lids and my throat tightens. ‘How could she make me fall in love with her and not tell me?’
‘I’m so sorry, Drew. I really am. I can only imagine how you’re feeling. But… she called me and told me she’s going to London.’
I swallow Advil as I bring my head forward to look at her. ‘So, she’s gone back to him.’
‘That’s not what she said. She just said she had to go to London.’
I can’t remember the last time I cried. I was probably a kid. But now, I have to stand and walk to the window to distract myself from doing just that.
‘Drew, I think she told me because she knew I would tell you. I don’t know why she’s going there, but I think she wanted you to know. I think it’s a cry for help.’
‘Or she’s going back to him.’
‘It’s possible. But she’s been here for months without him. She hasn’t spoken to anyone about having a husband. In my experience, some things are too painful to talk about. She walked away from him.’
It comes back to me now, my conversation with Edmond last night. I turn to Sarah. ‘Edmond said she was in a bad relationship. She told me she didn’t want to be in a relationship because she was figuring out who she was. Maybe she figured out and wanted him back.’
Sarah nods. ‘Perhaps. I can’t answer that.’
I stare out to the horizon, searching for the answer. Looking for anything to tell me what in hell I’m supposed to do.
She’s married. She loved a man enough to marry him. Maybe I should respect that. Let them work it out. God knows, if she was mine, there’s no chance I’d let her go.
But she isn’t.
With a sound that’s somewhere between a wail and a growl, I thump the windowpane with the side of my fist. I see Sarah flinch from the corner of my eye, and I turn my back on her completely, resting my fists on the window and hanging my aching head between my arms.
