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Dante led me to the room and motioned for me to enter.
“Go on, I figure I’ll let you have some time alone with the old man.”
Part of me wanted to turn around and get the hell out of there. The beeping from inside the room caused my head to spin, and for a second, I felt like I couldn’t move my legs forward to actually enter the room.
But somehow, I managed.
The TV was on, but turned down low enough that it might as well have been off. I saw Dad before he saw me, he was staring at the TV, an old episode of Law and Order played out on the screen. I wasn’t sure if he was actually watching or just staring off in the distance.
Then he turned his head ever so slightly and saw me.
“Gabe.” His voice was weak, and he started coughing as soon as he said my name. He tried to sit up taller in the bed, but I stepped to his side and urged him to not move too much.
“Yes, it’s me,” I said, unsure of what else to say. “Just relax, Dad.”
He stopped moving and just looked at me.
The once large, strong man had whittled down to a mere shell of the person he once was. He’d lost at least a hundred pounds and was nothing but skin and bones. His eyes were sunken in and surrounded by dark circles. He wasn’t a young man when I last saw him, but he looked closer to ninety than his actual age of fifty-eight.
After my father caught his breath, he just looked at me for a long time. I wasn’t sure what to say, so we sat in silence for several minutes.
He surprised me with his words once he spoke. “Gabriel, my son, I’m sorry.”
“Sorry?” I couldn’t recall ever hearing those words pass his lips. “For what?”
“For everything,” he said. “For being a shitty dad, for not letting you boys and Ava know how much you meant to me.”
It felt like there was a vice grip on my heart. For a second, I thought I might be having a heart attack, but no, it was just an intense rush of feelings from hearing my father apologize.
I didn’t want to tell him it was okay, it wasn’t. I settled for the truth, “I appreciate that, Dad.”
He continued. “I know you can’t possibly forgive me, and I don’t expect that. But I hope that whatever you do, you always put your family first. Don’t make the same mistakes I did.”
“Don’t worry, I won’t,” I said, and it was the truth. Being raised by him had made me feel fiercely protective and loyal to my own family. I would never imagine putting my children through the same bullshit he put us through. “My children, Bella and Ava, they are my world. Nothing, not work, money, success, or anything else, will ever come before them.”
“Good, son, I’m glad to hear that,” he said. He began coughing, but once it settled down, he surprised me once again. “I love you, Gabriel. I may not have always shown it, but I love you, son.”
Hearing those words from my father’s mouth made the grip on my heart even stronger. I couldn’t breathe for a second or two. Finally, once I could speak, I managed to choke out, “I love you too, Dad.”
And I meant it. I knew that I did. Even through everything, I loved that old bastard. I may not have forgiven him, but I loved him.
“Because I love you, Gabriel, I think you need to listen to my next words very carefully...” He trailed off as he coughed, his body shaking violently with each hack, his face twisted into a painful look. I so badly wanted to do something, anything, to help him, but knew I couldn’t.
Before he could finish what he was trying to say, a nurse popped into the room with a cheerful smile. “Morning, Mr. De Luca. Ooh, I see you have company. Is this another one of your boys you keep talking about?”
Dad nodded between coughing, and managed to choke out the words, “My oldest.”
I introduced myself, “I’m Gabe.”
“Oh right, he has talked about you a lot. Said he missed you,” the nurse said as she injected something into Dad’s IV. “I’m glad you could make it in to see him.”
“What are you giving him?” I asked.
“Just something to ease his pain, though it may make him sleepy, I’m afraid.”
“It’s fine, his comfort is key,” I said.
“Fuck being comfortable,” my father said. “I want to stay awake.”
