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Noah chuckles. “Shut up, dipshit.”
“Okay, enough of that,” I say, gently pulling free of Noah’s grip so I can turn and look up at him. “You are evil.” I am seriously debating on how to get him to the bedroom for some alone time. Not now though. I have to control my suddenly raging hormones. That is the adult thing to do… Right?
Adulting sure does suck sometimes.
Chapter3
Brenna
Yesterday was an emotional day for me and Mara. We shared memories of her memaw and all the fun times we had as kids during the Christmas holidays. It was the best time of my life. Back before I was Grinch-like, mind you. I didn't always have a dark cloud over my head, and Mara's family is the main reason for that. I feel like I owe her so much.
I want this Christmas to be all about us and our new lives, our fresh start, and the brothers who stole our hearts. I want the biggest tree we can find and gifts galore under the tree. Hot chocolate nights around the bonfire at the beach. I'd even agree to Mara and her crazy caroling. I know, I'm shocked too.
"Heffa! Let's go! Christmas shopping waits for no man. I need my Starbies too. You know how I get when I haven't had my Starbies in a few hours." Yes, I know all too well what lack of coffee does to Mara. She gets growly like a puppy guarding its beloved bone. When I say growly, I literally mean she growls. It's comical yet scary at the same time.
"Don't I always get you your fix, woman? Second, if you're dragging me Christmas shopping, I need snacks. We can't have both of us turning into gremlins, now can we? I'll settle for a blueberry scone from Starbies. One stop shopping. Now let's roll, princess." I decide I should drive today, since her ass hasn't had caffeine yet, and I don't want to die because she falls asleep at the wheel. Too dramatic? Maybe. Better safe and alive than sorry and dead? Hell yes.
We drive into Cannon Beach first, so I can pick up a sign I had made for Abel's tattoo shop. Yes, it's the one gift I planned ahead on. He loves those eccentric neon signs, so I found a little shop that does custom-made orders. It reads,Just Tattoo It, with a small tattoo gun under the words. Yes, it cost an arm and a leg, but he's worth it. Every month he gives me a small gift for our monthiversary. It's ridiculous but super sweet.
"Oh, Brenna, goober's going to love that! He damn sure better because I know how much it cost. I guess you're even, though, since he dishes out free tattoos to us. Perks of screwing the owner, right? This just means I have to one-up you." Well, she isn't giving him a blowjob, so I'm not sure how she's going to top it, but I'll let her try.
"I'm hungry. Let's go get some chowder and biscuits at Mo's."
Mara huffs at me, and I know what she's thinking before she says it. "Heffa! Really? We've made one stop, and you already need a food break? I honestly don't know where you put it all, and it pisses me off. I look at food and gain weight. It's so unfair!"
I've always had an overactive metabolism. It's a blessing and a curse. Being a chef, Mara tries to watch what she eats, or she'd be as big as a house. No over-sampling her product. That's my job, and I take great pleasure in it. By the way, she caves, and I'm happily being presented with my food. Lucky for me, Mo's is just around the corner, so I didn't have to wait long to get this goodness in my belly.
"Come to Momma, you delicious little thing, you. Bring your friend, Mr. Toasty Biscuit too." I tend to talk to my food and forget I'm not the only one in the room. People stare. Mara rolls her eyes. It's a whole production.
"Sorry, folks, she doesn't get out much. She also forgot to take her meds this morning." Mara taps her head with her pointer finger, to make people think I'm crazy. Well, guess what? She's not completely wrong. Do I give one damn that all eyes are on me? Not one bit. I continue to eat as if there's no one here but me, until Mara interrupts my food fantasy.
"If you're done making out with your food, we have more shopping to do, heffa. I have no idea what to get Noah, so I'm dragging you to every store possible, until we find something worth getting him."
What do you buy a cop, anyways? Kinky cuffs are out since he already owns a few. Let me tell you, it's quite impossible to get out of them too. Abel and I "borrowed" a pair once, and he left me cuffed to his bed while he ran down to his shop. One of his idiot employees had set off the fire alarm from hot boxing the office. I contorted my body every which way I could think of and ended up pulling a muscle in my back. I almost peed the bed too, but luckily Abel came back and set me free before that happened. That was the first and last time I ever let Abel cuff me. No, Mara and Noah never found out. I don't need to add more ammo to my humiliation gun, thank you very much.
Being me, and knowing I can't go the serious route with Noah, I pull into the parking lot of the only sex shop in Seaside. It's a tiny little house on the outskirts of town. Mara's face turns red immediately. Oh, this is going to be fun!
"This better be for Abel, or I swear, heffa! You're not buying my boyfriend one of your dirty little sex toys!"
Hook, line, and sinker.
"Oh, come on, sugar tits! Live a little, will ya? I know you and Noah have a freaky side. Don't think I forgot about your little adventure with his cuffs. Even if you hadn't told me, I saw the marks on your wrists, woman."
Mara's face turns a lovely shade of red. She's either embarrassed or remembering how much fun she had that night. Either way, I force her out of the car and into the shop. To our surprise, there's an elderly lady at the counter, who greets us with a cheery smile.
"Hello, beauties. Welcome to my shop. Anything specific you're looking for today? I have just about anything your dirty little hearts desire." Okay, Grandma, you go girl. There's absolutely no shame in her game, and I think I'm in love with her. I see a glimpse into my future, and she's it. Pimpin' old lady goals for sure.
"Well, my friend here is looking for a Christmas gift for her boyfriend, who happens to be a cop. So, handcuffs are out. Any suggestions?" I look over to Mara who is definitely going to kill me for this one. It's totally worth it, though.
"Oh, good for you, honey. I just got this new Lovense Gush male vibrator in. For those times his lady isn't around? Or maybe some phone sex fun?" The lady is clapping her hands like she just won the lottery. I'm dying—literally dying.
I pipe up to break the awkwardness that I know Mara is feeling. "I'll take two of those bad boys. Abel tends to be a little rough when he's horny, so better safe than sorry."
We walk around the shop some more, and Mara loosens up a bit and actually seems to be having some fun. She picks out a pair of black leather cuffs and decides that's about as kinky as she wants to get right now. I'll wear her down, eventually, but I'm happy she isn't leaving empty handed. Yes, I told Susie, the shop owner, about Mara's last escapade with cuffs, and we were all rolling.
"Think of it this way, honey, your wrists won't chaff now. I'd really like to meet these brothers someday. They sound like a hoot. Next time you stop by, bring them with you, pretty please?" Susie's lucky I got Mara in here at all, so I'm not sure if there will be a next time, but we agree.
Sitting in the car, Mara is still flushed, so she downs a whole bottle of water in a few gulps. Taking a few breaths, she lets me know how she feels about our little sex shop adventure, by saying, "You're lucky I love you, heffa! That was so embarrassing yet educational. I knew you and Abel were freaks, but have mercy! You better never land on one of those shows about sex toys and emergency rooms, or I'm done with you both."
