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Jim cackles again in an incredibly unnerving fashion, but since he saved my life and all, I indulge the old bastard and his delusions. I don’t know what Jim or anyone else around here knows about my money, but it’s probably in my best interest not to ask.
“You’re talking a bunch of nonsense, Jim. But I’m too hungover to argue so… better show me what you got.”
A wife.He means a mail order bride, right? This jackass has lost his mind…
* * *
ChapterTwo
Trinity
Lachelle yanks my iPad out of my hands violently. What the hell is wrong with my bestie and why can’t she support me on this? It’s a great idea.
She looks at me like I have eight heads and exclaims, “Icannotbelieve you made a profile on this website. JULIUS! JULIUS, can you please come tell Trinity that she iscrazyand I’m not going to let her sell her body to some creep.”
My best friend’s sexy husband comes around the corner shirtless. Lachelle knows I would never act on my thirst, but I can’t help but notice how fine her man is. I wolf whistle at him and Julius turns beet red.
“I-I… Trinity, I trust you know what you’re doing. Lachelle, baby, I love you very much.”
Ha, it is so easy to throw that white man off balance. Julius is tough as shit, don’t get me wrong, but he’s not used to women who make slick comments and tease his giant country boy ass. They’re cute together though and I want a man of my own.
“Great,” Lachelle says, glaring at her baby daddy. “Thanks for the help, Julius.”
“How about I get you ladies margaritas? I’ll get you a virgin drink, baby,” Julius offers, desperate to smooth things over with my cranky best friend.
“Thank you,” Lachelle says, leaning the iPad on top of her growing baby bump like it’s a damn shelf. Then she turns her attention to my profile and wrinkles her nose before commenting again. “Girl, did you say that you weighed 120 lbs? He can see your picture, you know.”
I snatch the iPad away from Lachelle.
“Keep your negativity to yourself, girl.”
What do men know about weight? All he can see is ass and titties. If I shave 50-100 lbs off my actual weight, who the hell is gonna check me? Nobody.
“I just can’t believe you’re doing this. There are plenty of men around here. I found Julius,” Lachelle says, practically begging me to sit around this town with her staying thirsty and single while I watch her dramatically limp around that redneck who blows her back out every night.
I want a dick-induced limp too.
I make a desperate effort to explain myself to Lachelle. “He showed up on your doorstep like a stray cat and you had to wait until you were forty to find him. I can’t wait until I turn forty!”
“You’re thirty-nine and your birthday is in two months,” Lachelle says.
“Exactly. I’m dried up.”
“That’s misogynistic and backwards, Trinity. Women don’t lose their value or ability to find love just because we turn forty.”
I roll my eyes. Lachelle wasn’t so forward thinking when she first met Julius. She wasn’t sure if a guy who preferred blue jeans and a t-shirt to suits could handle her bougie ass. Look at her now — feet up, pregnant as fuck, waited on hand and foot by a guy hot enough to be a starting high school quarterback on atelevision show.
Maybe the best way to find love in this shitty dating economy is to just take a chance – put yourself out there. Make a profile. Get on a website. Dosomething.And I don’t mean those stupid ass apps. I need to find somethingserious.
“We don’t lose our ability to find love. Fine. But we have to compete with women who have tiny waists and whose titties haven’t started sagging yet,” I explain to Lachelle. “My nipples are about to touch my belly button. I need to do something.”
“You aren’t competing with anybody,” Lachelle says. “I can’t believe you’re the one acting all hopeless about love.”
My stomach tightens. Okay. I’m the happy-go-lucky friend. The friend who never bitches. The friend who is always down to take a trip to Puerto Rico or Vegas for the weekend. But I have my own shit going on. Shit that even my best friend doesn’t know about because it all started long before I met Lachelle – it all happened when I was just eighteen. Just old enough to sign a contract.
At least with this contract, I actually know what I’m getting into.
“This isn’t just about love, Lachelle. I have bills to pay. Big bills. I shouldn’t have gone for that second master’s degree and it doesn’t matter what I do. Love or not, if something doesn’t change, I’m screwed.”
