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She smiles and bends down to my level, ruffling my hair affectionately. "I know, sweetheart, but Uncle Jimmy is coming over for something important. After he leaves, you can go play with Tristan and Derek, okay?"
I nod, still a little sulky, but the promise of playing with Truth and Dare later cheers me up a bit. "Okay, Momma, but make sure Uncle Jimmy doesn't take too long!"
She chuckles and gives me a gentle hug. "Don't worry, my darling girl. He won't stay long. Now, why don't you go pick out your favorite toys, and we'll get ready for when he arrives? You remember what to do?"
I eagerly nod, rushing off to my room to fetch my favorite dolls and games. I hope Momma is right and he doesn’t stay long. But I know what I need to do when he visits. Keep out of sight and don’t make a sound.
I don’t know why I even have to keep doing this every visit, why I can’t be playing with Truth and Dare. Uncle Jimmy knows I’m here, he has been visiting since before I can even remember. But Momma is always making sure I’m home and hidden whenever he visits. Always making sure I remember not to come out when the adults talk. No matter what.
While I'm busy playing with my toys, I can hear the soft murmur of voices as Momma and Uncle Jimmy talk in the living room. I can't make out their words, but the tone tells me it's a grown-up conversation.
The serious murmur of voices gets louder and the sound of Uncle Jimmy's voice growing angrier. I can feel his anger in the air, and it makes me uncomfortable. I want to go and hide, but I also want to know what's happening.
Curiosity gets the better of me, and even though I know I’m not meant to I cautiously make my way toward the living room, trying to stay hidden. I peek from behind a corner and see Momma and Uncle Jimmy standing face to face, their expressions angry.
"You can't back out now!" Uncle Jimmy's voice is loud and furious. "You knew what you signed up for!"
Momma looks worried, and scared. I don’t like seeing Momma scared. "I know, but I can't do this anymore. It's wrong, Jimmy. I can't keep going down this path."
"Wrong?" Uncle Jimmy's voice is so angry. "You’re in too deep now! You can't just walk away! You think you can just quit? That's not how it works!"
Momma takes a step back, her hand covering her mouth as tears appear in her eyes. "I never wanted any of this to happen! I never wanted to hurt anyone, and I definitely never wanted my daughter anywhere near this!"
Uncle Jimmy growls at her; he reminds me of a wild dog I saw once. His hand grabs Momma's hair and twists. I know it would hurt because it hurts when Momma brushes my tangles, so I’m not surprised when she cries out. I want to go to her, but I’m so scared. “I dragged your pathetic fucking ass from the gutter with that baby in your arms. I gave you a place to raise that brat, I’m the one that gave you food and clothes for both of you and all you had to do was work for me and not complain.”
Momma is crying and making the same noises I make when she pulls on my tangles. I can see her hands trying to make Uncle Jimmy let go of her hair. Why won’t he let go of her and go away? Momma is upset and I just want her to stop crying. I want it to be a good day again so I can play with Truth and Dare.
She must know he isn’t going to let go because she tries to scratch at him. “You just wanted me to deal your drugs and manage your whores and bend over for you on command.”
I didn’t understand what Momma was saying. I wish I knew what to do, I’m so scared.
Uncle Jimmy grabbed Momma’s neck and shook her again, he needs to stop that, she isn’t a doll. Please someone make him stop. “And now you don’t want to, you pathetic bitch, you don’t have another option. You will do what you’re told, darling, or you and that brat will be out on the street again. That means sucking my cock and letting me fuck that cunt when I want, as well as making sure those other whores are working for the drugs they put in their veins.”
He lets Momma go and she falls down. I want to run to her, but I can’t get myself to move from my hiding spot. She has told me so many times to stay hidden. I’m trying so hard to be quiet so he doesn’t hear me and get mean and angry with me like he is with Momma.
I can see she is getting up and I’m happier now. But she looks upset, and that makes me upset. “No, I won’t. I watched Beth almost overdose on those drugs while those men did terrible things to her, all while my little girl played with her sons. I won’t do it anymore. I’m taking her and our kids out of this hell you have us in.”
She is so brave to stand up to mean Uncle Jimmy. I want to be brave like her when I’m older. I can't bear to watch Momma get hurt like this, and I want to run to her, but my feet feel glued to the floor. My body doesn’t want to disobey her. I can't move, I can't make a sound. I just want this nightmare to end. Can’t I wake up now, please.
Uncle Jimmy's face twists with rage, and he grabs Momma by the hair again, pulling her close to him. "You ungrateful bitch!" he hisses. "After everything I've done for you, this is how you repay me?"
Momma is in pain, I can see it on her face, but her voice is so strong. "I never asked for any of this, Jimmy. You forced me into it, and I won't let you ruin my daughter's life too. We're leaving, and there's nothing you can do to stop us! Being a cop doesn’t mean you own us."
Uncle Jimmy slaps Momma hard across the face, making her stumble backwards. Tears are streaming down my cheeks now, and all I can feel is fear shaking my whole body.
"I should have known better than to trust a worthless whore like you!" Uncle Jimmy snarls. "You think you can just leave? You aren’t going anywhere. You will be here till I say otherwise, and when that happens, that little brat will take your place. I can already see her and that junkie whore’s brats are going to make a good team for me, they even call her their Little Darling.”
I feel sick to my stomach, my heart is going so fast in my chest as Uncle Jimmy's cruel words echo in my ears. I don’t know how someone could be so evil. I don't want to hear any more, I just want to go far away from here.
But I can't leave my Momma. I can't leave her alone with this monster. I need to be strong, just like she's always been for me. I can't let him hurt her anymore.
My body won’t move though, and it’s getting harder to see through my tears.
I do see when Momma jumps at Uncle Jimmy though and I almost cheer for her being so brave. “Don’t you dare fucking touch her.”
I wish I understood what they were saying. I wish I could just tell Uncle Jimmy to go away. I just want to cuddle my Momma and make her happy again.
Uncle Jimmy seems surprised by Momma’s sudden movement. He shoves her away roughly, and she stumbles backwards, trying to regain her balance. Her eyes lock onto mine for a brief moment, and in that look, I see love and a fierceness like she is a warrior. Momma won't give up, not for herself, and certainly not for me.
