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Poor Brawn. Ben, when we’re in my bed together. He didn’t deserve that. He thinks he broke our only rule, and I guess he did, but I wanted him to. I welcomed it. And I lived to regret it.
While I savor Shep’s fluffy French toast, I scoot closer to Grim. He’s having breakfast with the crew today, and I’m glued to his side, like I often am when he’s around.
He uses one hand to fork food into his mouth, and he uses his other to rub circles on my back. At the apex of each circle, he comes up under my hair and draws a spiral with his thumb on the back of my neck. Each time he does it, shivers of excitement rack my entire body.
Grim loves touch, and I don’t blame him one bit. I’m the only living thing hecantouch without causing it to die. It’s my honor and privilege to be his one anchor for touch in this post-virus world. If he’ll let me, I’ll be even more for him.
I want so badly for him to be my first. I’m in love with him. I’m falling in love, bit by bit, with the others, but Grim is special. He has owned my heart nearly from the first moment I saw him. I’d hoped he would save me from Leon and then I ended up saving him. I don’t know if it’s because I breathed life into him or because he’s just so honest and protective, but I’m completely obsessed with him. I miss him when we’re not together in a way I don’t experience for the others—at least not yet.
I’m determined to give all of myself to Grim, and I only have one more night to prepare. If last night was anything to go by, I’m not nearly as ready as I wish I was. I don’t want to freak out on Grim like I did with Brawn. I don’t want my first time being with a man willingly to be marred by the ugly scars on my memory.
I swipe my last piece of French toast through the maple syrup on my plate and eye Rev. He’s sitting down the table from me, across from Scrap. He’s a long, lean six-foot-five, and his goatee is streaked with gray, like the hair at his temples. His forehead is tall due to a high hairline. It makes me think he has some Native American blood in him. He keeps his long hair tied back, and there are a few dreadlocks and braids mixed in with the light brown strands. He always has on faded jeans and a tucked-in concert Tee, and he accessorizes with a huge oval belt buckle and an even more enormous antique-looking cross on a chain around his neck.
He’s not a handsome man. He’s too intense to be handsome. That doesn’t stop him from appealing to me the way bad boys (or in his case bad older men) appeal to indiscriminate young women with daddy issues—except I don’t have daddy issues.
Despite my attraction to him, he doesn’t seem like the right person to help me overcome my fear of sex. In fact, he’s the last man here that I would enlist to penetrate me for my own good. Just the thought of him moving over me with those crazy eyes and sliding any part of himself inside of me makes me tense with apprehension.
I’ll ask Doc.He was so patient and gentle with me when we spent my second night here together. He’ll keep me calm, and he won’t freak out if I freak out. I just need to get him alone somewhere today.
I nod decisively as I pick up my plate and begin clearing the passthrough window. I think Doc’s headed to the barn soon to take care of the animals. I happen to know there’s a soft pile of hay up in the loft…
I’m staring at Doc’s butt as I wipe down the tables when Jud bellows for me. “Cora! My office! Now!”
Doc snickers. “Someone’s getting called to the principal’s office.” He takes the rag from me and takes over my job, nudging me with an elbow.
Scrap’s coming from the restrooms, wiping his hands on his track pants. He makes a teasing sound that calls to mind a middle-schooler exhibiting joy at another’s misfortune. On the other side of the pass-through window, Brawn is changing a fluorescent light tube without a ladder. He darts a concerned look my way but says nothing. Everyone else still in the lodge watches silently as I walk to meet my fate.
I reach the cracked-open door of Jud’s office and knock, wondering what in the world I did to irritate the big guy this time.
“Get in here,” is his response.
Such a gentleman.Rolling my eyes, I step inside.
Jud’s standing behind his desk, arms braced on the wood as he studies a map.
“Shut the door.”
“I’d rather not.” I don’t know what he has in store for me, but, judging by the stormy look on his face, it’s not good. If I’m about to be murdered, I want witnesses.
Jud’s gaze is a laser beam. “Looks like my kitten needs a lesson in obedience. Again.” He abandons his desk and stalks to me. When he reaches me, he yanks me to him and slams the door all in one move. Then his mouth is claiming mine and my heart rattles around in my ribcage.
My body heats and my hands make fists in his shirt. I can’t tell if it’s to hold him closer or to push him away. His tongue invades my mouth, and for a moment, I like knowing he’s into me. Then I remember what a jerk he is 99.9 percent of the time, and I yank my face from his.
He’s not having it. With one big mitt, he holds my head in place and dives in again. But this time, he doesn’t take from me. He nuzzles my neck, practically bending in half to do so.
“Somebody has some explaining to do,” he purrs as he rubs his face on mine. He’s like a wild animal marking his territory by leaving his scent on it—on me.
“Um—is that somebody me?” I have no idea what I’m in trouble for, but this “punishment” isn’t so bad. At least not so far. Unfortunately, I have a feeling he’s just getting started.
“Yes, kitten. That somebody is you.” He delves into my ear with his tongue, and I shiver.
“What did I do?” I’m breathless.
“You left your scent all over my bed. That’s what you did.” His voice is a feral growl.
“I did?” Oh! I did! He’s talking about yesterday when I napped in his bed…and when I touched myself while Brawn was…touching himself. My cheeks catch fire.
“You played with your pussy in my bed, didn’t you? You were a naughty, little kitten.”
