Page 24 of Don't Puck Him

I look back and smile. “Yeah?”

“I… had a good time, too,” she says, awkwardly. “I’ll… think about it.”

She gives a quick nod then turns away and walks towards the quad.

Good. I’ve got that much to work with. Things are worse than I thought but not hopeless. She’s definitely avoiding me purposefully. She’s definitely got it into her head that I’m trouble, and if I push her too hard, I’m only going to prove her right.

But she’s also not totally sure. She turned around, after all. She can’t fit what she knows about me with whatever’s got her worried.

I need a plan. There’s no way I’m just going to wait while she works out her own doubts. I need to remind her why she wants me. Why she needs me.

Easy to say. Difficult to do. What if she catches me doing something and gets spooked? What if she falls for some other guy and forgets about me? It’s the kind of thought I know is unhealthy, the kind that always leads me to do things I regret later.

I’ve gotta be careful about this and smart, because doing nothing while those thoughts race through my head is like trying not to scratch an itch. The harder I try, the harder it gets.

I’ve already got my hand on the door handle before I even notice I’m going into the jewelry store.

“Hello, sir,” the woman behind the counter says. “Looking for a gift for someone special?”

I smile. “How’d you guess?”

“It’s a good guess whenever a slightly confused man walks in,” she answers. I roll my eyes. Right now, I’m anything but confused. “Did you have any thoughts for what sort of thing you wanted?”

That’s a good question. I need something expensive enough that it gets her attention, but not so flashy it looks desperate. It should be personal enough to show attention, but not enough that she suspects it's me. Most of all, the sentiment needs to be clear just from the necklace itself. I’m not going to send a message with it.

Immediately, my eyes settle on something. A silver chain with a small, simple circle, like a ring, as the pendant. I point at it. “I like that one.”

“Are you sure?” the woman asks, looking at my clothes. “It’s quite expensive.”

“I said that I like it.”

I don’t just like it. It’s perfect, and it will look beautiful around her neck.Will she wear it?I wonder. I’m not entirely sure. Not that it matters much either way. The point is that she knows someone’s interested in her. Anyone who wants to make a move on her will have to compete with her secret admirer.

I stuff the necklace in my pocket and head home. There, I pull an envelope and a stamp out and make it out to her college mailbox. I don’t think she’ll recognize my handwriting, but I do my best to make it look different. I even considered writing it with my left hand, but that would look weird.

The whole time I’m doing it, I keep an ear out in case Cash pops in. He does it just often enough that it doesn’t feel totally crazy to worry about. Not that he could stop me from sending this necklace even if he did find out, but it’s a complication I don’t need.

Sending the necklace the next day feels good. The thrill of an anonymous lover should buy me a little time to really figure things out. And I can’t help thinking it might be good for her to feel like there’s someone out there who admires her. Maybe it'll make her smile, and I like her smile.

It’s not like it’s false, anyway. There is someone out there like that. Me.

It would all be easier if I could just forget about her. Go back to my old life, hang out with Cash, and not think too much about women. That’s what I should do. That’s what it makes sense to do. But here I am instead, putting necklaces in the mail while looking behind my back to make sure no one catches me.

It’s silly, and there’s nothing I like being less than silly. Then again, it’s also love. There’s no denying that by this point. I love Wren. She makes me feel and act ways I’m not used to. That’s scary, of course, but it’s also exciting.

Of course, the necklace isn’t the last gift I buy her. I have to keep things up. Some of the other presents are expensive, but a lot of them are just simple. I’ll just leave her favorite soda with her name on it, or a flower, or a copy of a book I know she needs to buy for class. Little things. Just making her life a little more convenient. Reminding her someone cares about her.

This isn’t a solution, of course. It’s stalling. Sooner or later, either I let her know it’s me or I do something else to win her back. But what? That’s the question that racks my brain. I want to talk to her, to feel her opening up the way she was beginning to again. To feel myself opening up to her in a way I haven’t with anybody in a very long time.

She’s still definitely pulling away from me, and it kills me. I want to run to her and tell her just how much I love her. Once, I even have a dream about doing it. The two of us are together, walking down the streets, and I just know that this is the right time.

“I love you,” I say to her. “I want to keep you safe and make you happy forever.”

She turns to look at me, but I wake up before she can say anything.

But I can’t do it carelessly.There will be an opportunity,I tell myself. Right now, I just have to wait.

Patience is always the hardest part of love.

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