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“For a holiday?” She pulls her eyebrows together.
“Or longer if you want to stay.” She’s so much more than my best friend, but I’m leaving things unsaid. A relationship is a big commitment. If she takes a leap of faith, we’ll be able to see where things go, but I don’t want to add pressure from the start. We don’t need a label until she’s ready to make things official.
“There’s nothing for me in the city.”
I’ve just named things she can do in New York. My gentle approach isn’t working and it’s hard to hide my desperation. I want her to come for us, and I have to make that clear. She needs to understand how serious I am. “There’s me.” I want her to choose me. Take a chance on me.
She licks her lips. “I have a cat.”
“I’m sure he can be shot. I mean, be vaccinated. You could start with a shorter trip like a holiday. See if you can adjust to the big city.” If she wants to see if we can be more, I won’t let any technicalities stand in the way.
“I’m not sure I want to leave my life here. What would it mean for our relationship? What if we fall out?” She bites her nail.
I step towards her, ready to show what I’m offering. She smells like the cattery, but I don’t care. “It’s time you let someone take care of you.”
“I… I… need a shower.”
Trying to be cautious isn’t working. I need her to understand I’m serious. The more she hesitates, the more I realise what I want. “I don’t care if you haven’t showered. My boss was asking about what happened between us and I thought maybe we wouldn’t work, but I have to ask if there’s a chance you’d consider choosing me.” My heart starts to race. She’s always been there for me. She’s the only girl I’ve ever felt close to. Now I’m not sure a friendship will ever be enough.
Her breath catches in her throat, and she struggles to get air into her chest. “You’ve talked to your boss about us? What do you mean, choose you?”
“For the last two months, I’ve been updating my followers about my cinnamon roll hero. They made me realise I’d be stupid not to fall for you. You’re kind, caring, and a beautiful soul.”
“Woah, back up a minute. What’s a roll hero? And what exactly are you offering?” She shakes her head, confused.
“A cinnamon roll hero. It’s a guy or girl that’s sweet and will do anything for the people they love. We’ve been doing this dance around our feelings, but I think I finally understand it. You’re made for me. I want more than what we had before my injury.”
“I took you in when you needed me, I cared for you because I wanted to, and I’m nice because that’s all I can be. My feelings for you are more than friendly, and I’m guessing you’ve worked that out lately, but I’m not a pushover. I can’t uproot my life for you. I have my own life and I like where I am.”
We stare at each other for a few seconds before she turns and heads for the bathroom. I’m taken aback by the fact she thinks I was calling her a pushover. I sit back on the bed, feeling numb. She turned me down. I told her I was interested in being more than friends and she said no.
I’m still sitting on the bed when Lara comes back into the room wearing just her towel. She looks at me on her way over to the drawers where her underwear is.
“I don’t think you’re a pushover,” I say, combing my hand through my hair. My jaw tenses with distaste. It pains me that she thinks this.
“Good, because I’m not. In a different lifetime, I’d love to be your girlfriend, but we work better as friends.”
My stomach sinks. She doesn’t want to take a risk on me. “You’re my one and only. We’ve always been close. These past few months have changed things, though. I’m not sure we can go back.”
“Mallory, we’ll always be BFFs. Nothing can take that away. We can go back to the way things were.” Her voice is high pitched like she’s in pain.
“I think you’re wrong. Sophie thought you had feelings for me before I arrived and you’re the one not willing to even give us a try.”
Come on, Lara. Admit how strong your feelings are!
“I don’t want to lose you. If we blur the lines any more, we will be risking everything.” She puts her hands in mine and squeezes.
“That’s what I do. I take risks and hope they pay off.”
“Well, I don’t.” She moves back and gazes down at the floor.
I spread my arms out wide. “So, tell me what you do want from me. I’ve seen the way your nipples harden when you catch a glimpse of my skin. Your gaze drifts to my lips all the time, and you can’t deny that you love me. Tell me what I’m doing wrong?”
“You’re so… frustrating.”
“That’s not a good enough answer.” I work my way across the bed to stand in front of her. “Drop the towel, Lara.” We both hold the edge as we stare intensely at each other.
“No.”
