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Hunter's eyes slid to Logan and then back to Jake, a carefully neutral set to his jaw. "I'm sure we can figure something out."
"No sweat." Logan lifted his chin in Jake's direction. "I'll go get some stuff together if you want to wait. Or you can swing back by later if you have other stuff to do."
"He'll wait," Hunter answered. Grabbing a carafe and a few mugs, he cocked his head toward a nearby table. "Come sit."
Water dripped off the tips of his hair and trickled down the back of his shirt, mingling with the cold sweat that had sprouted at Hunt's invitation. Or was it a command? Jake trudged across the room and slid into a chair, his nerves vibrating on a knife's edge of danger and betrayal. Was there a name for a state of being both terrified and resigned to it?
In preparation for this restock errand, he'd taken a bar of soap to the lake and attempted to scrub every speck of Zorah off his skin. Jake had scoured his skin nearly raw to erase the evidence of his crime. Yet, he was so drunk on Zorah that he could still smell her on himself, like she'd invaded his senses so completely she was inescapable.
It wasn't far from the truth. He only prayed Hunter wouldn't notice. The Alpha poured out a dark liquid into the two mismatched ceramic mugs. Its bitter smell itched the inside of Jake's nose.
"Is that coffee?"
"Nah." Hunt set the pot aside and took a sip. "It's straight chicory, but it's the best we've got."
Jake lifted the pungent herbal brew to his lips with a steadiness that hopefully resembled a normal person. Sampling a quick taste, he appreciated the way the earthy sharpness focused his spiraling thoughts. He drank deeper. He could get through this. One minute at a time.
Hunter leaned back and stretched his legs out under the table. "In OT, I heard trading boats were starting to arrive from Central America with coffee. That would be something, wouldn't it?"
Jake took another slow slurp. "Can't even remember what coffee tastes like."
"Yeah, well... maybe that's for the best. I'm sure that makes this shit more tolerable." Hunter lifted his mug in a mock salute. "How's it going up there?"
Jake's stomach clenched uncomfortably. "Not bad. Got the roof on and a tarp secured before this rain started."
Hunter frowned. "You probably haven't been getting much done in this weather."
Jake almost choked. No, he hadn't been getting much done from a construction standpoint. From a fucking a hot-as-hell Omega standpoint, he'd been exceedingly productive.
"No, not much." He slanted a look at his old friend. "Did you send Colt up there to babysit me?"
Hunter lifted a shoulder. "I thought you could use some help. Or company." He paused, as if considering his words. "Colt's a good guy, always been loyal, good intentions, tried to be fair to everyone, but he blames himself for this shit with Cal and Della. It's gotten in his head in a big way."
Jake spun the mug in a slow circle. "Guilt'll do that to you."
He wasn't clear on all the details of what went down the night of the fire, but the bare-bones whisperings painted a clear enough picture. Somehow Cal ended up chained in the basement of a burning building, with Colt, who held the only key, nowhere to be found. Cal escaped and lived, minus one foot.
Jake felt for the guy. Well, all of them, to be fair. Any kind of weakness in the AfterEnd could be fatal, and now Cal had to reckon with his disability while caring for his mate for the rest of his life. And Colt... hard enough to make a mistake and fuck up your own life, but to mess up someone else's? That kind of thing twisted you up for good. Zorah would attest to that. As would he.
Had he ever found a way to forgive himself for what happened with Ava? It shined an unflattering light on this whole mess with Zorah. Was he doing it all over again? Making the same selfish mistakes? What would he do differently, if he had to do it again? Come clean? Fess up? Plead his case and ask for mercy for her and their unborn child?
With Ava, he'd never had the chance. Or had he and just didn't take it? Had he been too much of a coward, too content to put his head in the sand and convince himself they'd never be discovered? He'd known she was pregnant; he'd known the jig was up, and he'd done nothing.
The opening and closing of drawers and clinking of dishes from Logan moving around in the kitchen filled in the gap in conversation. Jake traced the table's wood grains with the tip of his finger and cast another sidelong glance at his friend. Hunter sipped the acrid, measly approximation of what they really wanted, and the question burned in Jake's mind: is that what he was doing? Accepting the paltry scraps of what he truly wanted — Zorah as hismate— because he was too cowardly to stand up and fight for something better? Was he, like Colt, taking up permanent residence in his self-imposed purgatory?
Were the keys right in front of him? A simple conversation to get it all out in the open. "Listen, man, something crazy has happened and I need you to hear me out." The words burned on his tongue. "She wanted my help. She came to me. I know I should've turned her down, but I think... it's crazy, but I think she's my mate."
Hunter reached for the carafe and topped off their mugs. "We should be okay for winter, I think. With food. We might have to trade a bit more than I'd like with those pricks in River Bend, but we'll do it if we have to."
Jake's head jerked up at the mention of Zorah's home. "What's their problem?"
"They're a pain in the ass." Hunter scrunched up his face in disgust. "It's a sort of post-apocalyptic gated community if you can believe such a thing fucking exists." He snorted. "Unfortunately, it's also a major trading hub between the Cascades and OT. They get first dibs on stuff that comes from the east, high-demand things like nails, glass, wiring, some medicine, stuff that gets scooped up before it ever makes it to OT. So, we try to stay friendly with them."
The chicory fizzed like acid in Jake's stomach. "But they're assholes?"
Hunter sucked down half his refill in one gulp. "Oh yeah. They didn't build any of what they have there. Alphas came in and took it from some Betas, if I remember correctly. It happened a long time ago, but they bullied their way in and claimed ownership of this prime spot and then convinced themselves they were so clever for building it up to what it is. They have a bunch of stupid ideas about their own importance, and I wouldn't fuck with them for a pair of tweezers if we didn't absolutely have to."
"Shit." Jake stared into his mug, wishing he could drown himself in it.
