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“Was.”
“Sorry?”
“Was. You used the past tense. My reputationwasstellar.” I let my legs fold. Flop. There I sat beside the butterfly garden in disgusting running clothes, staring out at the sea as if it held all the answers.
She cleared her throat. “It’s taken a bit of a hit, Elias.”
“Yeah, yeah, I know.” I shoved my hand into my lank hair as my calves started to cramp. That’s what not stretching after a run does. I unfolded my legs and reached out to touch my toes with one hand. “Go on.”
“Your reputation gave us room to negotiate a rather narrow clause the last time we sat down with legal. If you recall, before we went into those negotiations, I strongly recommended that we sit down and discuss your sexuality and tastes with the studio at that time. That we perhaps have you come out in a controlled way that the studio could get behind with a major push of PR to quell what turned out to be the wildfire we now are trying to extinguish.”
“Are you scolding me?” My toes started to curl painfully. “Ouch, fuck!” I jumped back to my feet to walk off the cramping. “You do realize that it is utter bullshit that anyone has to come out, right?!”
I stormed down to the large chess set and kicked the queen to her side. Fucking world. I hated that this was even a thing. What did it matter who I took to my bed or what I wore under my clothes? What the fuck did that have to do with my acting skills?!
“Okay, Elias, I know this is upsetting, but don’t kill the messenger here.” Her voice was as cold as her vodka on the rocks.
“Sorry, right, yeah. I should have listened to you, but it was just so fucking scary.” I bent down to the right of the queen and then lifted up a smaller white pawn. I felt a kinship with the pawn for some reason, so I toted it down to the dock as Elle poured herself another drink.
“Look, I’m sorry for being a witch. I’m exhausted, and one of my other clients just had to be bailed out of the L.A. lockup after a public indecency incident. Why the hell can’t men keep their dicks in their pants?”
“That is a question for the ages,” I mumbled as I pulled off my sweaty shoes and socks.
“Yeah, I know.” She blew out a long, weary breath. “It sucks. This whole thing is utter bullshit, I agree. I don’t care what you do in the privacy of your home, Elias. And millions of fans don’t either.” I snorted. The last time I dared to check into social media, it had not looked like a love fest on my Facebook page. “But the studio does care. This kind of uproar is going to affect the success of any of your future projects. Your target audience is straight males.”
“And they are pissed,” I said, letting my toes dangle in the foamy water lapping up around the bouncy dock. She didn’t reply. There was no need. Her firm was keeping a close eye on my social media accounts. They could see the smoke billowing out of the dumpster just as clearly as I could. “So, what did legal say? Exactly?”
“They’re examining exactly when you triggered the clause. They are asking some rather pointed questions of me about your past relationships and when it was you decided to be a gay cross-dresser.”
“Jesus Christ,” I groaned and then listed to the left. The white pawn and I both fell to our sides. It hurt, but I let my head rest on the round base of the large chess piece. “Did you explain—”
“Yes, I did. I played Lady Gaga and everything. They’re quite disgruntled that you signed with them years ago knowing that you were of this persuasion—their words, not mine—and kept it a secret while they trusted in your reputation. They also mentioned that triggering the morality clause is reason enough for them to terminate your contract.” I wanted to cry. Or shout. Or punch something. Maybe all three. “It’s a lot, I know. But there are options they might be willing to offer when they decide to cut loose. I’m praying that they do not come after you for collateral damage. I don’t think they will. What I think theymaydo is sever your current contract with partial pay. Termination of the agreement with a hefty severance package would be a good thing, Elias. They’re going to have to walk a fine line here because they cannot be seen as firing you because you’re gay. I’ve already had calls from several LGBTQ legal groups that are frothing at the mouth to leap on the studio.”
“Yay for my fellow queers,” I muttered.
“You jest, but that is a pressure that the studio must take into consideration.”
“Ugh, I’m an asshole. I’m sorry. Go on.”
“You’re fine. This whole shitstorm makes me want to get drunk and go kick your ex in the face.” I snorted in miserable commiseration. “So, what we’re going to do is keep on them to see your current contract through, then they can cut ties if they wish. We will not fight them. They’ve given you tons of money in exchange for a successful movie franchise. Once you’re free from Four Winds, we’ll start shopping you around to other studios. Less uptight ones. I know of at least one in Manhattan that would love to sign you.”
My cheek was starting to ache. I slowly sat up just as the sun peeked over the horizon.
“Fine, yeah, that’s fine.” I felt as if Mola Ram had pulled my heart out of my chest and there was no Dr. Jones to stop the sacrifice. “I’m tempted to sue that rat fuck bastard for all he has.”
“Rat fuck bastard being your rat fuck bastard ex?”
“Yeah.” I swung my feet left and right, toying with the soft tide ebbing and flowing.
“Well, that is certainly an option to explore, but I’d not do that right now. The studio is trying to play all of this down and if we filed suit, it would blow right back up again. Your name wasn’t mentioned at the top of the news hour today, so that’s progress.”
Wow, that was progress. Go me. “Is Paul in on all of this?”
“Of course, he’s sitting in on all the calls and advising as your lawyer. You can call him later today for his thoughts on things, but I’m pretty sure we’re both in alignment for the moment. Stay there and stay out of the limelight.”
“Be a good, quiet little gay,” I mumbled and then shoved the pawn into the sea. That had felt really good. Then I realized my father would wonder why I’d fed his beloved lawn chess piece to the sharks. That was a sadness that I couldn’t handle on top of the mountain of grief that I’d brought with me. “I have to save a pawn. Keep me informed. I’m sorry all of this blew up on us. I really thought I could trust him.”
“I know. Love makes us do stupid shit. Keep your head down. I’ll be in touch. This will all end well, Elias. Your team will make sure of that.”
