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“My former girlfriend, who broke into Gigi’s home and attacked her, forcing her to defend herself with deadly consequences,” Cameron said, his expression grim. “I’m Detective Cameron Green.”
“We’re both struggling with intense feelings of guilt and regret,” Gigi added, “which is a lot of pressure on a new relationship that was making us very happy until this most recent event upended everything.”
“I feel horrible for having brought that woman into Gigi’s life, when she was already dealing with enough after what happened with her ex,” Cameron said. “Now her career is on the line as the department investigates the shooting. I’m sick over the whole thing.”
“I hate that I had no choice but to kill her to save myself,” Gigi said. “I don’t blame Cameron for anything that happened with her, but he has enough guilt for both of us. I don’t want him to feel responsible for her hurting me, but how can he not?”
As they spoke, Sam was heartened to see their hands tightly clasped together, presenting a united front even as they expressed fear for their new relationship.
“It’s often very difficult to accept the consequences that result from the actions of others,” Dr. Trulo said. “The important thing is to remember you weren’t in control of what she did. You’re only in control of how you react to it. Having some insight into both incidents beyond what you’ve shared here, I happen to know you did everything you could to manage both situations before they exploded into violence.”
“And yet, we both feel like we could’ve and should’ve done more,” Cam said.
“What else could you have done?” Dr. Trulo asked.
“That’s what we lie awake at night thinking about,” Gigi said.
“You have to find a way to let go of the guilt,” Gonzo said from behind Sam, surprising her as she hadn’t seen him come in. “I learned that the hard way, and I don’t want to see anyone else I care about suffer the way I did by wallowing in things I couldn’t change. Through a lot of therapy and time with our good Dr. Trulo, I’ve learned that guilt is like a cancer. It’ll eat you up inside. And it won’t change anything.”
“Thank you for sharing that, Tommy,” Dr. Trulo said. “I hope you don’t mind me saying how proud I am of the progress you’ve made since the senseless murder of your partner. You’re one of my star patients.”
“No offense, Doc, but there’re a lot of other reasons I wish you were proud of me. I’m learning to make peace with my lack of control over what happens around me.”
“I’m proud of you for many reasons, Sergeant,” Dr. Trulo said. “I’m most proud of you for the journey you’re walking through grief and how you’re leading by example.”
“What do you do when you’re so angry with the person who died that you can barely think of anything but the anger?” The words seemed to erupt from Angela. “What do you do then?”
Sam was taken aback by the force behind her sister’s words.
“He’s left me with a nightmare to deal with, two little kids, another on the way, and even knowing he was sick doesn’t make it any less of a nightmare. I’m furious with him for doing this to me.”
“Your feelings are completely valid, Angela,” Dr. Trulo said. “You’re allowed to feel any way that you do about this unimaginable loss.”
“Will I be angry with him forever?”
“No,” a woman Sam didn’t recognize said. “I’m Hilda, and my husband was killed in an armed robbery. He was the one doing the robbing, though, so he got what was coming to him. At least that’s what people said afterward. ‘You play the game, you pay the price,’ they said. I had three kids under the age of ten, and I was blinded by anger for years afterward. But the anger doesn’t last forever. It can’t. You have children to think about, and they’ll show you the way out of the darkness back into the light. Follow their lead.”
“Thank you.” Angela gave Hilda a grateful smile. “I needed to hear that.”
“I wish I could say it was my pleasure, honey, but I wouldn’t wish this journey on anyone,” Hilda said. “Please know you’re not alone.”
“I’m beginning to see that,” Angela said. “It helps to know others understand.”
“We do,” Hilda said. “All too well.”
A few others shared their recent struggles, their frustrations with the slow-moving criminal justice system and the unexpected secondary losses of friends and family members who’d faded away, as well as the blessings that had come from connecting with new people.
As always, the meeting made Sam feel uplifted and devastated all at once. She and Tracy waited to walk out with Angela.
“She has my number,” Roni said when she delivered Angela to her sisters. “She’s promised not to be afraid to use it.”
Angela hugged Roni. “Thank you so much.”
“Any time.”
Roni hugged Sam and Tracy and said her goodbyes.
“It’s amazing to meet someone else who’s expecting her late husband’s baby,” Angela said, resting a hand on her protruding belly.
