Page 29 of State of Denial


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That possibility struck a note of fear in her, which was a relief. At least she wasn’t numb to the possibility of screwing up her career.

“So what do I do?”

“Take some time off. Hang out with your sister as she adapts to widowhood. Be there for your kids, her kids. Take care of your husband as he deals with this new thing with his mother.”

“How much time?”

“As much as it takes.”

“Maybe after we close this case.”

“There’ll always be another case, Sam, another reason to keep powering through when you know something’s not right.”

Sam couldn’t deny the truth of that. “I don’t know how to step back. This job… It’s…”

“All-consuming.”

“Yes, it is.”

“There’s no shame in admitting you need a break. No one would blame you if you took one.”

Sam laughed. “Sure, they would. They’d say I was getting special treatment, that I can’t stand the heat, that—”

“Sam,” he said with a kind smile. “Who cares what they say? You know the truth. I know the truth. Joe and Jake would understand. Your squad would happily step up for you the way you always do for them. Who else matters?”

He had a knack for cutting through the bullshit to get to the important stuff. “No one, I suppose.”

Since he’d made his point rather convincingly, he stayed silent to give her space to work it through in her mind. She’d learned during previous times of crisis that he liked his patients to find their own way through the swamp rather than him doing all the work.

“So it’s just that simple? Take some time off?”

“It can be that simple.”

“What about the case?”

“Put Gonzo in charge, or maybe give Cruz a shot at leading an investigation. He’s ready by now, isn’t he?”

“Yes, but—”

“No buts, Sam. You’re as human as the next person. If you need a break to get your head straight, take it.”

For the first time she could remember, her heart wasn’t in the job. The good doctor was right. She would be no good to anyone until she figured out what was making her feel this way. That she could walk into a house with six murdered people, four of them children, and feel nothing was proof she had a problem.

“What do you think?” Trulo asked.

“I don’t know what to think, as I’m in unprecedented territory here.”

“It happens to the best of us.”

Sam took a minute to gather her thoughts. “It has been a lot since my dad died, and finding out that Conklin knew all along who shot him and why. Stahl’s trial, taking in the twins, Nick’s new job, Spencer’s death.”

“I’m honestly surprised this hasn’t happened before now,” Trulo said. “I’ve been keeping half an eye on you from a distance—and not in a stalkerish way.”

Sam laughed. “I see how it is.”

“I care about you, kid. Lots of us do. You’re an absolute superstar in this department.”

“I don’t know about that.”

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