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I took a deep breath. Time to do this. I had spent hours writing out my speech, going through draft after draft, and I’d practiced it many times in front of my mirror at home. I’d tried different gestures and facial expressions to accompany the words and had even marked places where I would make eye contact with my sister, her new husband, and various guests. I’d watched videos and read tips about how to be a successful orator, and then I’d practiced more.
It had been good when I’d done it in my bedroom. At least, I’d thought it was pretty good. My goal had been to compliment Aubin and also to demonstrate that she had made the right choice when she’d picked me to be the maid of honor. I wanted her to know that, although I hadn’t been the one to plan the bachelorette party or to help her write her vows or to go with her to choose her wedding dress, I could successfully toast her and Bill. I wouldn’t let her down. I smiled at the audience.
What had I wanted to say, exactly?
I swallowed and started again. “I’m Lissa Frazier, Aubin’s sister and the maid of honor,” I announced. “It’s wonderful, um, to see you all.”
My mind blanked. What were the words that came next? “So, I’m Lissa,” I told them, in case they hadn’t gotten that the first two times I’d mentioned it. “And…here we are at the reception.”
The room was so quiet now. When Giorgos and my sister had been speaking, there was laughter and sighing, and a few times people had called out responses from their seats. Now they sat totally frozen, watching me.
Time for my speech, I said to myself. Time to say all the things I’d memorized, and do the hand gestures, and insert the smiles in the appropriate places. “I’m Lissa Frazier,” I said. “Welcome to the wedding.” That hadn’t been right. What was supposed to come after I introduced myself? I should have brought my phone for prompts, but my sister hadn’t used hers when she spoke and neither had the best man.
No, I didn’t need notes because I had this down pat. I tried to picture the speech on the screen of my laptop, but the image seemed to blur in my mind. “I’m…and…we’re…”
I didn’t dare look at my sister. My gaze flew around the room instead and snagged on my dad. His eyes weren’t on me in return but were instead fixed on a spot off in the distance. He had been talking a lot about the cost of this wedding and maybe he was busy calculating how much his own tab would have totaled up at the open bar. He’d been drinking a lot, I knew, and I also knew that it might become a big problem. There was an empty glass in front of him right now.
“There’s my dad,” I announced. “Hi, Dad. Did you want to say something?”
He didn’t answer and he kept staring like he hadn’t heard my voice, even through the speakers.
“Um,” I said, and tucked a loose piece of hair behind my ear. It was close to the same color as Aubin’s, dark brown, but it was different in that hers had pretty highlights and also did what she wanted it to. Like even after she’d removed her veil, it still looked unruffled and controlled in luxurious waves. Mine was too thick and straight for a curling iron to have a lasting effect and it was currently fighting its way out of the updo that my sister had wanted for all of us bridesmaids. I’d been trying not to move my head too much in order to keep the multiple pins in place, but my hair was going to win this battle.
Now was not the time to worry about the knot untying on the back of my head. I looked at my dad…yes, that was what it was! I had planned to talk about our family. I sought out the only relatives we had in attendance.
“There’s our aunt Shellie,” I mentioned, and pointed to her. My mom’s older sister sat with her husband. They were both checking their phones but she did glance around and wave to the room when I said her name. My cousin Colton also sat at the table with his parents but he was busy trying to chat up another guest, one of Aubin’s old friends from grade school. He didn’t seem to notice my speech, so I didn’t mention him.
I had crafted a few sentences about my mother, something to note her absence but not anything to give the room bad vibes. I didn’t want to bring down the celebration, but I knew that no one else would say anything if I didn’t. I wanted her to have a presence on this special day.
I would need to step delicately.
“My mom isn’t here, since she’s dead,” I stated. Good Lord! That hadn’t been what I’d wanted to say at all. I saw Aunt Shellie’s mouth drop open. “It was a long time ago so we’re all ok, if you were worried,” I quickly added, and she shook her head at me. “I mean, we’ll never be ok,” I clarified, speaking directly to her. “We’ll always have, like, an emptiness where she was in our lives, but we had to move on and…and this is a wedding so we shouldn’t talk about dead people as much. There are so many live people I could discuss. Bill has a lot of family here,” I said. His relatives were watching me with a variety of expressions, ranging from guarded to confused to pretty disdainful.
“There are also lots of friends in the room tonight,” I told them. “Many friends.” There had been a simile I was going to use at this point. Oh, right, I remembered: “Aubin attracts people like a flower attracts bees,” I said, and spread my hands and smiled, the gesture and expression that I’d rehearsed. But that phrase hadn’t sounded as nice as I remembered it from when I’d recited my speech at home in front of the mirror.
“Not that you guys are like stinging insects,” I assured them. “Bees are really helpful to flowers, and we certainly wouldn’t get good fruit production from the cherry orchards around here without them, but they also have a bad rep. I guess some of it’s deserved. I don’t know if anyone remembers when that man in Florida was swarmed by thousands of bees.” Was I talking about dead people again? “He’s ok,” I quickly added, although I was unsure if that was true.
What had I just said? Why was I talking about some guy who’d been attacked by bees in another state? I pulled myself back to the subject of the wedding. “Yes, lots of friends here. Aubin has many friends.” I had written a joke about it but I couldn’t quite remember how it was supposed to go. Something like: “She invited them all even though I heard that Bill tried to tell her that they were only acquaintances and the catering bill was already so high.” No, that hadn’t been right and no one laughed. I poked a pin back into my hair and my eyes went to my father again. “It was pretty rough on the budget. We’re totally fine, though! Because Dad is steadily employed now, and I definitely am. And Bill and Aubin are, also. So we were able to cover the cost of this wedding even though only our side is paying for it.”
I really shouldn’t have mentioned how Bill’s family hadn’t wanted to contribute to this event, which had been another whispered conversation I’d overheard amongst the bridesmaids. I didn’t dare to look over at his parents to see if they’d caught that error, but how could they have missed it? I was speaking through a microphone to a room so quiet that you could have heard a hairpin drop out of my updo, even with the quantity of people in the gold chairs. Besides his big family, Bill had a ton of friends, too. He’d come to work for the Woodsmen football team after a stint with the Alabama Rackers and there were people here from both programs, personnel and players.
Aubin had told another bridesmaid, Emi, that the players’ “yes” RSVPs meant that her wedding would go viral and that would help her business get off the ground. I had worried because of the quantity they might take from the buffet, and it was true that many of them were so freaking large. Like the blonde guy in the back, the one with his hair pulled into a ponytail. I recognized him as one of the Woodsmen defensive linemen and he was absolutely massive. Out of all the people at their table, he was the only one with his eyes still to the front and watching me. The rest of them looked at their phones, their plates, or their fellow guests.
Focus, Lissa. I had wanted to thank the guests for coming. “I know that Aubin is so happy that all of you are here, both the paying and the non-paying sides, and that she really appreciates you ladies finding those giant dresses as she requested. Of course, a ‘request’ from my sister is sometimes just an order…” That was supposed to have been funny. I had meant to make everyone laugh because we all knew that Aubin did have a little habit of asking things that you weren’t allowed to say no to.
The room stayed silent. I felt so hot that I wanted to fan myself. Instead, I tucked back more hair as another piece sprung loose and hung down my neck. I looked among the stony faces in the crowd and spotted my boyfriend, Ward, but I could only see his averted profile because he had turned toward the tables of football players. I knew that he wouldn’t enjoy them watching me up here because he was always concerned about other guys being interested in me, but he didn’t have to worry about that, especially not tonight. This room was full of beautiful, single women and the football players could have their pick of them, as they did with all women on every other night of the year, too.
I poked back my hair and looked down, worried and searching for inspiration. The pink fabric of my dress swathed about ninety percent of my body and I’d also written a joke about that. Maybe it would distract Ward and make him see how ridiculous his fears were about someone else wanting me, especially while I was wearing this.
“Aubin chose these gowns for us. I think a Pilgrim lady would have been happy wearing it, if she didn’t find it too conservative,” I told him and the other guests. “I mean, this is maybe the least sexy thing that a woman could have on her body.” I turned to do the smile I’d practiced toward the table of bridesmaids. “These other girls are usually gorgeous and even they can’t pull off long-sleeved chiffon with a mandarin collar, am I right?”
They didn’t smile back and still, no one laughed. Ward didn’t look appeased, either. Even from up on this podium, I could see how angry he was. I wanted to tell him through the microphone that he really, really didn’t need to worry. My dress covered so much skin that I looked like I was the maid of honor in an Amish wedding, and those football players never would have given me a second glance even if I’d stood up here naked. I’d have to intercept him right away when this speech was over to try to talk it out before he got too upset.
What was I supposed to be saying? Aubin. I was going to tell everyone about her accomplishments.
“Aubin is such an inspiration to me,” I said. “I’ve always admired her so much. For my entire life, I’ve wanted to be just like her.” That was absolutely true and I looked over at my sister now and smiled, a real one that I hadn’t practiced. She had an odd expression on her face, like maybe she doubted my words, so I gave an example. “When she wants something, she goes and gets it, like how she wanted Bill,” I offered. “She saw how cute he is and that was it, he was a goner. But I know how much she loves him. She really, really loves him. She didn’t marry him only for his looks or for his connections to the Woodsmen football team, that’s for sure.”
I said the last part in the direction of his family, and his mom grimly stared back at me. I really believed that my sister did love Bill, because what woman wouldn’t? He was such a nice person, really caring and kind and interested in helping other people. He was good looking, yes, and maybe that had been what had attracted her initially, but it couldn’t have been what her feelings were based on. She must have loved him for his heart, just like his family did.
