AllFreeNovel
Share Us
six
Past
––––––––
I’M EXHAUSTED BUT ODDLYexhilarated as I climb into Arthur’s SUV after another appointment with Dr. Walters.
As always, he scans my face as I pull my seat belt on. “Good appointment?”
“Yeah. I think so. It was hard but good. It feels like I’ve had a few minor breakthroughs.”
“Anything you’d like to share?”
After living and working with him for more than two months, I’m used to talking to Arthur now. I’m also convinced of the fact that his questions aren’t idle or mere courtesy. He wants to know how I’m doing and what I’m thinking.
It matters to him.
So I explain to him what I talked through with Dr. Walters today—about how I’ve always let my father control me, believing I needed to do what he wanted in order to earn his love and how it’s only now I’m realizing the problem was never the things I did but that I didn’t understand what love is supposed to be.
Arthur listens, occasionally murmuring affirmation or asking a clarifying question. We stop by our favorite ice-cream parlor and get waffle cones, continuing our discussion.
When I’ve finally shared everything, we sit in thoughtful silence until I ask, “What about you?”
“What about you?”
“Did your parents screw you up too?”
He gives a dry huff. “Oh yes.”
“Your mom died when you were pretty young, right?”
“Yeah. I was twelve. My dad was a hard man. Your father did love you—even if he got everything wrong about how he did it. I have no proof that my father loved me at all. My mom was softer. I think she did love me, but she was completely cowed by my father’s authority, so she wasn’t able to protect me much even while she was alive.”
A chill runs down from my throat to the base of my spine. “Did he... Did he hurt you?”
“Physically, only once or twice. When he was drunk.” He’s staring out the window next to our small table.
“There are other ways to hurt a child.”
“Yes,” Arthur murmurs, rough texture in the brief words. “There are.”
“I’m sorry. Is that why... Is that why you never had many friends?”
“I guess so. I think I learned to live alone, to not trust anyone to genuinely care about me. The other kids never really liked me when I was a boy, but they never picked on me. Because I’m a Worthing, I was off-limits for bullying. Mostly they just left me alone, and I thought that was simply who I am.”
“Did you try to have relationships? When you grew up?”
“Sure. I made some friends. Like your father. I did try. And I dated. I went through phases when I dated a lot. But nothing ever... clicked.” He sighs and closes his eyes. “I look back now and can understand why. You were right about me that night in the library last month. Every single word. I was always holding back, hiding who I really am so I would never be vulnerable. So I would never feel the way I did as a kid, desperately wanting my dad’s love but never getting it.”
