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It takes him a long time to respond. I wait as his internal debate processes in his expression. Finally he says in a rasp, “I guess maybe I don’t.”
We smile at each for so long I’m afraid I might drown in it. Stella saves us by coming out with my favorite chocolate mousse for dessert.
After we finish, I’m not ready for the evening to end, so I suggest a walk. Arthur readily agrees. We wander the gardens and grounds, talking about possibilities for Arthur’s future career. At one point, he reaches over to take my hand and doesn’t relinquish it.
So we hold hands for the rest of the walk.
It’s dark by the time we finally return to the house. We stand on the patio next to the table Stella has already cleared and just look at each other.
“Arthur?” I ask at last.
He swallows visibly. Inclines his head in his brief nod.
I suck in a breath. “Does that mean...?”
“I’m tired of hiding from life. I’m tired of not allowing myself anything I want for fear it will end up hurting me. I’m tired of always being haunted by the ghost of my father. I don’t want to do it anymore.”
“Then don’t.” I step closer. Reach up to grab a handful of his shirt. “Don’t do it anymore.”
“I want to...” He exhales a shaky breath, almost a dry laugh. “I want to live.”
“Then do it.” I lean closer, tilting my face up toward his. “Do it, Arthur.Live.”
He groans. His expression cracks. He takes my face in both his hands and leans down into a kiss.
I respond immediately, still clutching at his shirt with one hand and reaching up to grip his ponytail with the other. I’m bombarded with wave after wave of pleasure and excitement—but also that deeper sense of ownership.
It’s been growing day by day, and I’ve never been able to shake it.
I doubt I ever will.
***
WE KISS UNTIL IT’Sentirely inappropriate behavior for a patio where Stella or Billy might wander by. Arthur’s got me pushed up against the half-wall surround, and one of his hands is between my legs.
He’s always been so completely controlled I wouldn’t have expected him to lose it quite so quickly, but he seems to have forgotten where we are.
“Maybe we should take this upstairs,” I manage to gasp when he breaks the kiss to mouth his way down my throat.
He jerks and grows still like he’s trying to make his mind work. Then he huffs as he pulls his hand out from between my thighs. “Good thinking.” His cheeks have darkened. His hair was pulled back at the nape of his neck, but half of it has escaped messily out of the ponytail. His eyes look even darker than normal. He gives me a wry, clever smile.
He’s the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen.
“Let’s definitely go upstairs. Fast.”
He chuckles at that and takes my hand as we walk inside and then down the hall and up the stairs. We reach his room first, so that’s where we go. By mutual agreement, we start working on our clothes, pulling off our shoes and socks. I take off the light cardigan I’m wearing while he pulls off his watch and then takes off his shirt, dragging his white undershirt off over his head afterward.
I stare at his bare chest, distracted from disrobing by the sight. His arms and shoulders are nicely developed, but his abdomen is slightly soft. Irresistibly touchable.
He sees me staring and glances down at himself. “Disappointed?”
“Not even close.” I move toward him, reaching out so I can squeeze the extra flesh on his sides.
That makes him laugh again as he unhooks his belt. I’m watching as he unfastens his pants and pushes them down his legs, pulling them off so he’s left wearing nothing but a pair of black boxer briefs. He’s already hard. I can see the shape of his erection beneath the snug fabric.
My heart is racing with excitement now, and my breathing is uneven. I love the sight of him. I want to touch him all over and have him touch me. But I’m also a little nervous. It’s been a while since I’ve had sex, and I’ve never been particularly skilled or adventurous.
What if I can’t give him what he wants? What if I’m not what he wants me to be?
