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I pause, surprised by the question but not upset. “No. It really doesn’t. I’m not sure why since I don’t remember anything after it happened. Don’t get me wrong. It still hurts. When I think about it in a focused way, I’ll definitely start crying. But it doesn’t feel... new. It doesn’t make any sense.”
“The whole thing is kind of crazy, but I guess our minds do crazy things sometimes. At least you don’t have to go through all the stages of grief again. That would be terrible.”
“I know. Had I... Had I resolved things? About my dad?”
She picks up a pair of high-heeled boots and admires them. “Yes. I think so. You were getting there. You’d been going to counseling, which I think was helping. It was hard—because you were so conflicted. Your dad wasn’t the easiest person to love.”
“Yeah. That I do remember. I was really angry with him—for pushing me into giving up my whole life to run away with him. But it feels like a lot of that is settled too. I don’t get so angry when I think about it now.”
“You’d worked through a lot of it.”
“No matter what he did, it was my decision. I didn’t have to go with him.”
“No, you didn’t. As I told you many times.”
“I should have listened to you. I was stupid.”
Jenna reaches over and rubs my shoulder. “You made a mistake, but you loved your dad. Love makes us do all kinds of stupid things.”
“I guess.” I wander over toward the purses, seeing a small satchel I like the looks of. “Sometimes I wonder what my life would be like if I’d stayed put. Kept my job and my apartment. Maybe I’d be married to Carl.”
Carl was the guy I was dating at the time. We weren’t serious, but it felt like there might have been potential. I lost him with everything else, and the truth is other losses were a lot harder.
“I doubt it. He was too nice for you. You need more of a challenge.”
I make a face. “I don’t know why. A nice, simple guy sounds pretty good to me right now.”
Jenna snorts and changes the subject. “So how are things with Arthur?”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean are you getting along okay? Is it weird? You didn’t know him very well six months ago, and now he’s... there.”
I keep looking at the purse, opening the zipper pockets and inspecting the lining, needing the slight distraction it provides. “It’s very weird if you want to know the truth. He said we became friends.Friends. With Arthur Worthing. It’s... weird.”
“He seems like a decent guy.”
“I think he is. It’s just that he’s always been my dad’s friend. Not mine.”
“He was younger than your dad.”
“Sure. But he’s still got to be almost twenty years older than me. And he’s one of those people who never lets anyone else in. He doesn’t open up, and he doesn’t let me see what he’s thinking.”
I say the words instinctively since that’s always been my impression of the man. But I suddenly realize hehasopened up to me—at least a little—in the past couple of days. That conversation in the car yesterday felt almost deep, and it revealed a lot about Arthur’s character that I hadn’t known before.
Maybe he isn’t who I’ve always assumed.
I clear my throat. “Anyway, he’s basically a stranger, and there I am, living in his house.”
“Maybe you can get to know him again.”
“Maybe. But is it worth the trouble? I’m not sure that I’m going to stay there for very long. He won’t let me do any work in the library yet, but surely there’s not that much left to do if I’ve been working for six months. I’ll try to finish it up, and then I can find a real job—maybe closer to you—and try to start my life again.”
“Is that what you want?”
“I think so. What else can I do?”
“I don’t know.” Jenna’s expressive face twists like something is upsetting her. “Maybe you’ll get your memory back.”
