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A few months ago, I learned my life had been a lie. The man I called grandfather ended up being a murderer and liar. He not only murdered my parents but convinced me it was my fault we lost Harmony, my sister. She grew up in a horrible situation, never knowing she had a brother. In the end, he was never my real grandfather but an imposter who ended my true grandfather’s life to take his place.
My guilt was suffocating. The months following the revelation were filled with alcohol, women, fists, and blackouts. I was trying to build a relationship with my sister.
She gracefully accepted me into her life even after I was the one that dropped her on the church steps and sent her on a difficult path. She defended my actions. I was only six. My grandfather, who I trusted and loved, hated me for it. He wouldn’t even look at me for months because of it. My mother was afraid of him, of what he would do to my sister. At the time, I had no idea what was going on, but my mom discovered my grandfather’s lies just a bit too late to save herself and Harmony. My father died hating me. My mother died trying to protect her family. Harmony grew up never knowing she had a brother. Logically, I know I was too young to understand that game. Emotionally, it’s hard to forgive myself for my actions.
I am the Alpha of the wolves. I had just taken over the role when I found my sister and discovered my grandfather's deception. Needless to say, I have not been fulfilling my destiny as expected. The pack depends on me to get my shit together and be the leader they deserve.
I love being a wolf. There's nothing like the rush I get from shifting and being one with him. It’s powerful having the gift of transforming your body into an animal. I have advanced hearing, speed, senses, and healing. We live a very long time. It can get tricky to fight off boredom over the years, but not as difficult as it is for vampires. They live forever; if they don’t find their mate, they can go a little nuts.
I haven’t thought much about having a mate recently. We know the universe picks a perfect partner for us, but I don’t feel like I would be a perfect mate right now. My wolf huffs in my head, irritated with me. We have a different kind of language with our wolves. We are the same, yet different.
It’s been a week since taking a drink. I had never had a problem in the past. If you ask me, it still isn’t a problem, but I found myself depending on it more and more. I reached for the bottle to take the edge off a bad day. I tried to forget my past.
Almost three months ago, River, my best friend for most of my childhood, came back into my life. He has since been a constant support or pain in my ass, depending on your perspective. He left my life for reasons that I am not clear about. He came back changed in ways I can’t put my finger on.
He has made it his mission to snap me out of my funk in weird and unusual ways. For instance, letting a murderer run through the woods for his life while we stalk him.
River is a tad crazy.
I must admit, though, while I was running in my wolf form, intent on finding and killing him, all my worries disappeared. River has his brand of logic not everyone can understand. But he seems to know when I need his crazy.
Deep down, I am thankful for his return. We fight and argue all the time, yet he brings life back into the pack. He has gotten to know them. He watches them carefully. He sees what makes them tick. He’s been doing what I should be.
My intense anger at myself is consuming me. As much as I love River, it should be me taking care of the pack. It should be me that they come to for support. River went out last night with most of the pack to celebrate a new baby being born. I wasn’t invited. It stung.
Have I fallen so far into my misery?
I stand and grab the bottle by the neck, and using all my strength, throw it at the wall. I watch as it shatters, spraying scotch and glass over the floor.
“What the fuck, dude?” River barges into the office. He looks at the wall dripping with alcohol.
“I was done with it,” I shrug.
“Damn, you could have given it to me,” he whines.
He’s eating a bowl of mac and cheese. My friend can eat anything at any time. His greasy hands grip the fork as he digs in. I don’t know where he puts it. He’s built but still slim. He uses his arm to push his black hair that is falling into his green eyes.
“You don’t need it either. You get crazy ideas when you're drunk.” I lean against the side of my desk.
“I get crazy ideas all the time; no alcohol needed,” he says, grinning.
“True,” I say. “I thought you were working on the car that came in this morning?”
“I’m on break.” He shoves a spoon full in his mouth. “Don’t worry. It will be done on time.”
“Did Marcus come in today?” I ask. Marcus, a pack member, has been causing problems. He never agreed that I was the best wolf for the job of Alpha. He disappears at all moments of the day. He’s been skipping work, leaving it to the other guys. We thought it was because of a woman. We followed him to her house when we got suspicious of his intentions. He was a suspect in some botched turnings a few months ago.
“He came in late,” River says.
“I need to talk to him,” I sigh. “I can’t let him get away with it anymore.”
“You're going to talk to him?” River asks, a slow grin coming over his face.
“Yes, when I was locking up last night, I found him fucking a woman in the back corner of the garage.”
“He’s not mated. Until he is, he can fuck anyone he wants,” River points out.
“I know. But it’s my garage. I told him we would talk today. He’s probably trying to avoid me today because of it.” I pick up a rag and drag the garbage can over to the wall to clean up my mess. Shifters of all kinds are able to have sexual relationships with whoever they want. Until we find our mates, we are unable to grow attached to them emotionally. After we do, we are fully committed to our mates, in every way.
