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Chapter Twenty-Two
Ava
I scrubbed as much as I dared. Any more, and I would have made myself bleed. I stood under the spray and cried. I cried because I couldn’t seem to get the blood off my hands. I fear I won’t be able to close my eyes to sleep, even though I am exhausted. I stood in a stupor, watching the dirt and blood swirl down the drain. When I looked in the mirror for the first time, I lost it. My brain shut down, and the hunter's face flashed in the glass.
Kerian is the most selfless man I’ve met. He’s cooking me a meal, bandaging me up, and all I can think about is River. River will understand. Kerian assured me he was fine with it, and I had to believe him. I do believe him. His face held nothing but care and honesty.
“Cupcake.” River shuts the door behind him. I’m still on the counter where Kerian put me, not having the energy to move.
He steps between my legs. He gives me a knowing look, and I let the tears flood my eyes again.
“I can’t stop seeing the blood, River,” I whisper. “I see his face.”
“The man you killed,” he whispers, and I wince. “You had no choice.”
“Maybe I did,” I say desperately.
“What could you have done?” He rests his hands on my thighs.
“I could have reasoned with him,” I say weakly and look away.
“Tell me. Tell me what happened, the details.”
“I was running. It was shortly after they let us out of the cages. I was so disoriented. It was hard to see where to go. I found a group of trees, and I remembered my knife. I put my band on my leg, but I had to get in my pants to get it. Once I did, a hunter walked towards me. He said things. He wanted to have sex with me.”
“I bet he didn’t say it as nicely as you did,” he guesses.
“No, he pushed me against the tree. He grabbed me. He didn’t see the knife in my hand. He was sure I wouldn’t be a threat. I panicked. He was surprised when I stabbed him in the throat. He fell back and took me with him. I pulled the knife out, shocked at myself. I watched him die. He bled so much. My hands and the knife were covered in it.” I hold out my hands, relieved I got all the blood off. “I hid the body. I covered him with leaves and branches. I searched his pockets. I took his candy bar, water, and his gun. I climbed the tree and waited. I enjoyed eating the candy and drinking the water. How could I? How could I enjoy it, River?” I ask, desperate for answers. I stare into his knowing eyes and grip his shirt.
“You were trying to survive. Our survival instincts kick in when we are put in an impossible situation. That hunter would have hurt you in ways I don’t want to think about. It was either him or you. I am so fucking grateful you killed him.” He wipes my tears. “Do you wonder how I ate dog food? For years? Do you not understand how I killed? I did. I killed my share of hunters. It was either them or me. I chose me. I would choose you every time.”
“It’s going to be hard to move past it. I’m glad you did what you had to do,” I say.
“You have to believe that of yourself too. I am so fucking proud of you. You kept it together. You stayed safe. You protected others when you didn’t have to.” He squeezes my thighs.
“The second hunter was drunk. I used the gun from the tree. I didn’t kill him. I just wanted to take him out of the game.”
“You did well. Taking a shot from the tree is impressive. So many others would have panicked and frozen. You were a warrior. I’m going to frame that knife.” He smiles.
“Are you over your time there?” I ask curiously.
“Mostly. I had a moment when we walked into the woods. It brought back memories. I thought of you and got my shit together.” He shrugs.
“I know it doesn’t compare. You were there for years.”
“Time doesn’t matter. Two people can go through something traumatic, something totally different, but feel the same amount of fear. You will get past this. We will be here for you.”
“Thanks, River,” I say softly. “I’m very grateful to you both.”
“Your mates are thankful to have you back with us. You’ll have to forgive our protectiveness. We won’t let you out of our sight for a long time.” He smiles crookedly.
“For once, I won’t complain.” I put my hands over his. “I feel safe with you. I’m going to demand both of you sleep beside me, too.”
“That’s not a hardship, cupcake.” He touches my face gently. “Is this from Brice?”
“Yes.”
“I’m glad I had the opportunity to pay him back.”
