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Braxton points angrily at Orson. “So feeding on himwaslike feeding on us?”
The way Max looks at me kills me a little inside. “Are you attracted to Orson, Asha?”
I cut my eyes at Orson, who is pretending as if he couldn’t be less interested in this lovers’ quarrel. He’s pulled back up to the desk, his fingers punching the keys with remarkable speed. Whether he’s actually typing words or not, I don’t know.
“Look, Max, I feel a connection to all three of you, alright? But you know what? None of you are my priority. There are helpless Blood Pack members out there who need me.That’smy mission.That’smy reason for being. Got it?”
“Maybe we should get everything out in the open,” Braxton suggests, but his tone suggests he’s just going to make this fight worse. “No more lies.”
I turn back and fix him with an intense stare. “Braxton…”
But he continues, “The guy who attacked us today, he’s the same one youletslip through your fingers last time, for some reason, isn’t he?”
“Excuse me?” shouts Max, clearly irate with the both of us. Orson remains unreachable in his hacking bubble. “You let that, thatthingthat attacked Braxton and myself go?” He shakes his head in disbelief. “And then you told Braxton about it, but not me?”
“Don’t take that personally,” says Braxton coolly, “we didn’t think you’d keep her around if she told you, so I made a judgment call.”
“So it was a conspiracy,” says Max, crossing his arms over his muscular chest, rage flashing in his eyes.
“No, I wouldn’t call it aconspiracy, but it was just another thing she didn’t want—”
“ENOUGH!” I scream, silencing all but the crunch of keys beneath Orson’s spry fingers. I slump on the edge of the bed, trying to get my thoughts together, trying to figure out how to keep this fight from spiraling even more.
“Asha, tell me the truth,” says Max. “Was that man your lover?”
I laugh at the sheer ridiculousness of it. “No, Max. He was—heis…” It’s hard to form the words.
“Who, Asha?” Max’s voice is deathly calm.
I take a deep breath. As much as I want to hold this secret to my chest, right now I think only the truth will help, and I can’t see how the truth will hurt my brother or me further. “My brother. Simon.”
Max and Braxton exchange looks. “Your brother?” Max repeats, his anger falling away like a trick of the lights. “Her brother.”
I take a deep breath, trying to ignore the way tears sting my eyes. For some reason, it hurts to have them know, like opening a wound and showing everyone the mess. This is my mess. I’m trying to clean up, and I guess I have no choice now but to tell them everything.
“Yeah. When the Blood Mages attacked, there wasn’t a lot of time to think. All havoc broke out. Everybody was running for their lives.” Images flash through my mind unbidden, and my hands clench into fists. “But Simon needed me then. Instead of helping him, I ran. I blamed it on the chaos, but it was a choice. A cowardly choice. Ever since I’ve been carrying this guilt about him, knowing deep down that it’s my fault what happened to him. If I’d just been braver…”
I hang my head, taking a shaky breath. “I saw my mom die that day, heard my sister screaming for her life in her last moments.” I can still hear her still, as clear as the moment itself. “My brother is all I have left. I’m the reason he’s twisted now. It’s my responsibility to stop him. Only…” Tears prick my eyes. “I don’t know if I’ll be able to do it when the time comes. I mean, if—if I have to…tokillhim. I don’t think I can be strong enough.” I take another breath.
Killing him. I didn’t want to do it, but now I see he tricked me. His pleas for me to save him wasn’t to show me that he still existed somewhere beneath the dark magic. It was just a way to survive longer, to do more harm to this world.
“I’ll do what needs to be done.” I look up at Max. “But if there’s any way of saving him, I have to try. Do you understand?”
Max takes a seat on the couch beside me. “I get it.”
“Do you?” My voice breaks.
He wraps an arm behind me. “I do. Because I’d do the same for my brother.”
Braxton comes over, and then Trouble’s head is on my knee, staring into my eyes. Braxton begins to rub my arm. “We’ll do everything we can for you.”
My vision blurs. “It’s just too much.” My brother. All the death. The responsibility of my pack.
A crying fit breaches my composure and both brothers consol me as I fall apart. Their anger gone. Their softer sides all that remain. Even while I try to fight the thoughts about the many ways I’m broken, unrepairable, undeserving of comfort, I’m amazed by their gentler side. It settles something inside me. Soothes my wolf. Takes a weight off of my shoulders.
“I’m sorry,” Max apologizes. “I lost sight of what mattered for a minute.”
“Me, too,” Braxton echoes, sweeping strands of hair from my eyes.
