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Frankie: So you prefer men. Any particular reason for that?
Candy: Probably because I’m straight.
Frankie: Okay, that makes sense. So you prefer to play in private. With just one partner or multiple partners?
Candy: Usually with just one partner.
Frankie: Have you ever played in a public setting?
Candy: Once or twice. It’s not really my jam.
Frankie: I understand. When did you first find out you like this kind of play?
Candy: I’m a late bloomer. I’ve only been doing this for a few years. I got a divorce five years ago, and I just wanted something different. I wanted to try something I’d never tried before, so I got online and looked around. When I found a BDSM chat room, I was intrigued.
Frankie: How long after that did you actually get into the lifestyle?
Candy: I kind of dived right in. That’s not really the norm for me, but like I said I had just gotten out of a marriage, and I’m not getting any younger, so I wanted to try things.
Frankie: Do you have a specific partner you play with?
Candy: No, I’m not interested in a relationship. But there are people out there who play only with each other.
Frankie: I see.
Candy: I’m happy to talk again, but I’m running late for a meeting.
Frankie: That’s okay. Thank you so much for your candor, and I’ll definitely be in touch with you again. Is there a certain way you’d like to be credited in my article?
Candy: Yes, call me Candy.
Frankie: You got it, Candy. Thank you again.
Next, I reach out to one of the men who didn’t want to take part in the group chat. He agrees to message with me.
Frankie: I understand that all the clubs here in the area require confidentiality agreements, so you can’t tell me the names of the clubs or where they are, and you probably won’t want to use your real name, either. Is there a name you’d like to use in my article?
Erik: Yes. Erik.
Frankie: Very well, Erik. How long have you been involved in the lifestyle?
Erik: About ten years at this point.
Frankie: May I ask how old you are?
Erik: Of course. I’m thirty-five.
So that means he started when he was twenty-five. Interesting.
Frankie: How long have you known that you’re interested in this kind of thing?
My heart beats rapidly as I watch the three dots move.
Erik: I think subconsciously I’ve always known. I like regular sex as much as the next person. It’s great. And I enjoy it. But I always felt like something was missing. I crave danger. I crave the forbidden. I crave taboo.
Frankie: Why do you think that is?
Erik: I don’t know. Maybe because my life is a little bit mundane without it.
Frankie: It is? What do you do for a living?
Erik: I’m a medical doctor.
Frankie: What kind of doctor?
Erik: I prefer not to say.
Frankie: Why? Because you think it would make you more recognizable?
Erik: Maybe. Maybe I just don’t want to say.
Frankie: Does anyone in your life know that you participate in this lifestyle?
Erik: No. It’s very private to me.
Frankie: I understand. So does that mean you have a specific partner that you play with? Or do you play with multiple partners?
Erik: Multiple partners, but not multiple people at the same time. I play with only one person at a time, but I’m not in any kind of relationship.
Frankie: Why?
Erik: Because I choose not to be.
Frankie: Are you a Dominant or a submissive?
Erik: I’m a Dominant.
Frankie: What do you like about being a Dominant?
Erik: You’re probably looking for some kind of answer that makes sense. Like I love having control over my partner. But that’s not really it, at least not in my case. My sub is my equal in every way, more so than in a conventional relationship in some ways.
Frankie: I’m not sure I understand.
Erik: My submissive consents to everything I do. We talk beforehand about what her limits are and what my limits are. About what I expect out of the scene, about what she expects out of the scene.
Frankie: So in that respect, you’re both getting what you want.
Erik: Exactly.
Frankie: What kind of activities do you engage in with your partners?
Erik: Bondage, flogging, sometimes nipple torture, labia torture.
Labia torture? Good thing he can’t see my face about now.
Frankie: Can you elaborate?
Erik: Bondage is pretty self-explanatory, I think. I like to use leather bindings, sometimes silk. I don’t use ropes very often because I never took the time to learn the intricacies of it.
Frankie: And flogging?
Erik: What about it?
Frankie: What instruments do you use?
Erik: It depends on my partner, but most of them like what I do with a riding crop.
I gulp audibly.
Frankie: And the rest?
Erik: What do you mean?
Oh, God. He’s going to make me say it.
Frankie: Nipple torture.
I can’t bring myself to type “labia torture.”
Erik: Right. Nipple torture. Most submissives love that. Especially if they have sensitive nipples. I use clamps for the most part.
