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She smiles at me.
“Thank you. I appreciate it.” She looks off into the distance. “You know? Having your dad leave just like that hurt. A lot. The betrayal I felt consumed me and I couldn’t see past it. But then, one day, I picked up a cigarette and I was able to smoke it without having him putting me down. And I felt good about that. I still hurt, of course, but each day that passed I was able to do more and more of what I used to do before I married your father and not have the weight of his recriminations to put me down.” She looks at me then.
“It took me this long to realize we weren’t happy. We weren’t even right for each other.” She shakes her head. “So much wasted time.”
I remain silent. I have no idea what to say to all she is laying on me, so I let her talk and just listen, because that’s what we both need. She needs to have her full a-ha moment shared and I need to understand why their thirty years together just crumbled out of the blue.
Looking off into the distance again, she says, “I know your dad cheated on me, here and there. Looking back now, I can see that I didn’t make his life easy, and he didn’t make mine easy either. We would bicker about this world and the next, but it’s like we were determined to stay together no matter what. We were both miserable, but none of us wanted to throw in the towel. And I think that was a mistake.” she sighs. “This last person he cheated on me with, he is still with her, you know? I think with her he saw how things were supposed to be. How things could be for him if he just took the step. So he did.” Looking back at me, she adds, “And I’m grateful for it. Had he not found her, we would still be living under the weight of self-imposed shackles that were slowly killing us and we didn’t even notice it.”
As my mom talks, I can’t help but compare what she is saying about her relationship with my father, with mine and Maverick. It’s like water and oil, night and day.
But that doesn’t mean anything, right?
“Mom? Is it worth it?”
“What, dear?”
“Love. Is love worth it if it hurts so much?”
Looking right into my eyes, my mom takes my hand.
“Honey, love iseverything. It is worth every pain, every struggle, every tear. Because love, even this skewered one I had with your father, brought me you. And I wouldn’t change that for the world.” She smiles. And tears start pooling in my eyes, clouding my vision.
“Besides, love, when it’s right, is the best feeling in the world. And I wish it for you with all my heart.” Now a tear falls down her face too. And I can understand that it carries the weight of all the mixed emotions she is carrying inside. “Same as I wish for me. Because now that I’m free, I want to find love too. Real love.”
Chapter Twenty-Four
Maverick
Fuck,ImissNoelle.It’s been days since I last saw her, which was when the incident happened, and I can’t get her out of my head. This is my first day back. I’ve been working from home, trying to keep my distance and to get some perspective, but it is impossible.
Sitting in my office, I recline on my chair and look at the ceiling. Could she really be roleplaying with that disgusting prick? The more I think about it, the more doubts I have.
I know what I heard. I could almost taste her fear, but was it really fear or is she just that good an actress?
I don’t think she was acting at all. She was rejecting him, through and through. Right?
I can’t seem to escape this whirlwind of thoughts no matter how long it passes because I have no answers for any of my questions.
It doesn’t help that Sara is constantly reaching out and inserting her jabs here and there. I wonder if she thinks that if she can take me away from Noelle, she is next in line? Because if she does, she is in for a rude awakening.
There is a knock on the door that pulls me out of my musings. I sit up straight again.
“Yes?”
Speak of the devil. Sara struts into my office and I barely contain a groan. What now?
“How may I help you?” I ask dryly.
She sits in one of the chairs in front of me and crosses her leg. Her skirt is short today and her thigh is on show. It’d be an erotic sight, if this was not Sara. If it was Noelle, I’d be on her in a second.
I inwardly groan. I have to stop thinking about her. But I can’t because my heart calls out to her every damn second of the day and I have no idea what to do.
Sara throws me a sober look and says, “You look tired. Have you been getting enough sleep?”
“A few hours, here and there.”
“Trust me, I understand how you feel.”
