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We’re breathing hard and laughing as we jump up and down with the music. It’s exhilarating to let loose with Zane. He simply doesn’t have any social anxiety. I love how relaxed I feel with him.
When the song ends, we clap for ourselves. The music changes to the soft and slow poignant tunes once again.
Couples join together for a slow dance and Zane follows suit, taking me in his arms without hesitation. No big deal, simply going along with the crowd.
I tell myself it means nothing and follow his lead.
His arms wrap around my waist and we start to sway to the music.
At first, we’re stiff and it’s more than obvious we’re not a couple who are familiar with each other.
The sounds of the stringed instruments used in traditional Chinese music meets my ears. The erhu, pipa, and guzheng combine with the dizi flutes, taking me away to another time and place.
I move closer and rest my head on his chest. I can’t hear his heartbeat above the music, but I can feel it pounding against my ear in a steady rhythm, like it’s about to break free and burst out.
I feel his arms tighten around me, bringing me even closer. We were so uncomfortable at first, but now our bodies meld together naturally. We’re a perfect fit. He feels natural and right, like I’m where I belong.
I let my hands leave their awkward position on his biceps. They travel up his arms, to his shoulders, and slowly wrap around his neck.
He hugs me even tighter and I do the same until I don’t think a breath of air could fit between us.
I’ve danced many times in my life. Never this close. Never this intimate. I could stay in his embrace forever. Nothing has ever felt so right to me, so mind blowingly perfect. It hits me then. I’ve never felt so attracted to a man. The strength of my attraction takes me by complete surprise. I mean, his biceps, abs, and chest have no manners and like to stare at me, but I’m guilty of staring right back.
The truth is I’ve been attracted to him from the get-go, but didn’t want to admit it. I’ve been fighting my feelings, trying to remain true to Ryker.
Now I let those feelings take over and consume me. I hold him close and realize this is what I’ve been missing, what I’ve been craving. Zane has the magical ingredient I want. This is it. I’ve found it. I gently rub his neck.
With no warning whatsoever, Zane pulls away and takes a step backward. Surprised by his actions, I meet his troubled gaze.
I feel slightly mortified at my behavior. He must be wondering about my intentions.
I am too. What am I doing?
At the same time, I see the intensity in his eyes, the powerful concentrated stare he’s sending me, filled with uncertainty and doubt. It’s clear he’s shaken to his very core. His eyes tell me his emotions are wild and uncontained.
I take a step back, my reaction primal. I was wrong to think he didn’t have an intense bone in his body. He’s bursting with raw emotion.
Yet I have no idea what he’s thinking. Have I shocked him? Probably.
“We should go,” he says.
Consumed with guilt, I nod. “Okay.”
He’s right, we can’t do this.
Until I figure out my relationship with Ryker, I’m not really a free agent.
This can’t happen.
chapter sixteen
~
NOTHING HAPPENED BETWEENZane and me. Not really. But my mind went there and I can’t ignore that fact. A mental betrayal is still a betrayal.
I bang on the piano keys harder than necessary, releasing my anxiety. The end has been brewing between Ryker and me. It’s time to face it head on. I have to talk to him.
It leaves me in an awkward position. I wish I hadn’t left my perfect studio apartment. I checked. It’s already been rented. That door is closed to me.
