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He’s right. The ocean takes my pain and makes it her own. It’s not mine anymore. I’ve given it away. I feel empty inside, like the blackness is gone. It’s been replaced by hope, of dreams waiting to be fulfilled, of a future patiently waiting to be noticed.
Slade pulls me close again and tucks my arm in his, ensuring he doesn’t lose me. We stare out at the moonlit waves, the tips foamy and white, as though they’re waving hello.
He leans toward me. “Well?” His face is masked by darkness, only a sliver of moonlight illuminating his eyes.
“You’re right. That’s the best thing I’ve done since I’ve been here. Better than crying. I feel liberated.”
The corners of his eyes crinkle, letting me know he’s smiling. “Confession. I haven’t actually done that since I was eight. Gotta say, it felt invigorating.”
“Thank you,” I say, my lips close to his ear. You know, the good-looking one.
Slade tilts his head. “Let’s get you out of this wind.”
Thoughtful, but this is a memorable moment, and I don’t want it to end. I could stand out here on this beach all night with him, absorbing his comfort.
He escorts me back to Sheridan House. We’re both quiet, lost in our own thoughts. We enter through the main door, not into his private quarters. A few guests are in the sitting area, enjoying light conversation while sitting by the fire. Martha and Ernest are there. I avoid eye contact with them at all costs. If there was a hotel called the Sheldrake close by, I’d think they were stealing wallets.
I remove Slade’s jacket and scarf. When I hand them to him, I’m careful not to let our fingers touch. I can’t handle more tonight. Slade is a stimulant to my soul. “Thank you, Slade,” I say again.
His eyes smolder back at me. “Would you like me to walk you upstairs?”
“It’s okay. I think I know the way.”
He nods with a slight grin. “Sleep well, Marin. Rest easy. Your soul is not, and never has been, anywhere near black.”
He has seared my heart. It will not bleed again.
I walk to my room slowly, knowing my life has changed forever.
I’m just not sure how.
chapter eleven
IBURY MYtoes in the warm sand. My hands follow, letting the sand sift between my fingers as gravity pulls it down. My nails are filled with sand, and I don’t care. Getting a little dirty, feeling at one with nature, is somehow freeing. The salty ocean air fills my lungs, breathing new life into my soul.
It's Saturday. I’ve officially been here for one week.
I’ve avoided Slade for the last couple days, making excuses about why I couldn’t join him and Joss for dinner. Headache. Stomachache. I’ll figure out something to avoid him this evening.
Our magical night on a dark beach was just Slade being Slade. He takes care of his guests. There’s no reason for me to read more into it. He did nothing to imply he wanted anything more than to help me through a rough spot. I didn’t expect to find beauty in that experience. It was there, though. I don’t know if he felt it too.
Our imaginary tryst exists only in my head. It’s enough to continue to help me forget about Blu.
Marin and Blu, boo-hoo.
That’s my new rhyme. It’s the best one yet.
Joss’s request that I not hurt Slade bothered me. After all of his kindness, I can’t take Kira’s advice to enjoy avacation flirtation. I can’t use him like that.
Instead, I watch him from afar and let my imagination do the rest. We’re married with two children already. My fantasy life is alive and well. My mom used to say I could be trapped in a room by myself and never be bored. It’s the truth.
I imagine sitting on a park bench while I watch Slade with our two rough-and-tumble little boys who are the spitting image of him. He doesn’t sit on the park bench and watch his children. No. He plays with them. He goes down the slide, climbs the monkey bars, and swings. All the while I can hear his laugh ringing through the air. As for me, I don’t join them because I’m busy proudly rubbing my huge belly. I’m pregnant with our next little one and we already know it’s a sweet little girl. The thought of Slade breathing this life into me makes me tremble.
It feels so real I can hear the laughter of our little boys joining Slade’s laughter. I feel happy and peaceful in my perfect scene.
I let out a long sigh. If only. I wish it were true.
All at once, another body plops down beside me on the sand, making me squish my eyes shut so I don’t get any grit in them.
