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I feel like I’ve just been gut punched.
I’ve moved on, but I’m not jumping into marriage. It’s far too soon. In spite of our strong feelings, both Slade and I agree it would be foolish. Besides, I’m not the one who ended our wedding with a long “feel sorry for me” letter. I’m allowed to do whatever I want. He’s not. I’m not the hypocrite. He is.
Was it all a big, fat lie? Was he really just dumping me at the eleventh hour? Was it his way of letting me down easy?
It wasn’t easy. It was like falling from a very high cliff down to the rocks below. He could have ended our relationship at any time during the two years we were together. Instead, he waited to end things in the most humiliating way possible.
He lied to me. Line after line of untruths to wiggle his way out of marrying me. His letter was a fabrication. Otherwise, why would he be able to marry someone else?
I hear people say they see red when they’re angry. I get it now. I swear the entire world turns into a flaming hot fire. My rose-colored glasses just crashed to the floor. It’s like I’m living in Inner Earth with a river of hot lava flowing next to me.
I end my call with Kira, book a last-minute flight, make arrangements for a ride to the airport, and run inside.
chapter thirty-one
SLADE ENTERS MYroom. “What are you doing?”
“Packing,” I spit. I’m not sure I’ve ever felt so angry in my life. Uncontrollable anger. I’m so mad I could scream and never stop.
“I…I can see that. But why? Where are you going?” I hear the devastation in Slade’s voice.
I don’t stop packing or take the time to look him in the eyes. He’ll change my mind, and I can’t let him do it. I have to avoid contact. If he touches me, I’ll sink into his embrace and never let go.
“I’m going because…get this. Blu’s getting married. Isn’t that rich?” If it wasn’t so hurtful, I’d call it ridiculous.
“Married? Already?” Slade’s confused. Join the club.
“Right? It’s absurd. Blu’s actually getting married. He’s got some nerve.” I’m about to erupt like a volcano.
“So soon?” Slade doesn’t understand and neither do I.
“Yes. This soon. Can you believe it?” I grab my toiletry bag from the bathroom.
Slade watches me with worried eyes. “But I thought he had…issues?”
“Exactly. He does. Or so he said. He was lying through his white, but slightly crooked, teeth.” Now I’m just being mean.
Slade’s silent while I continue to stuff my suitcase. “So, what are you doing? Gonna crash the wedding? YellI objectwhen the preacher asks if there’s any reason why this man and this woman should not be joined in matrimony? Give him an earful of a strongly worded speech to make him feel an inch high? Scream in his face and tell him what a jerk he is?”
I shrug and push my hair over my shoulder. “Yes to all of the above. Thanks for the ideas. I hadn’t quite thought that far ahead yet.” I know my actions are hurting him and that’s the last thing I want to do. He must understand how I feel, though.
“He doesn’t matter, Marin.” His words are practically a whisper.
I hesitate, but all I can think about is my red-hot indignation. “Ihaveto do this,” I say, tossing things in my suitcase with unintended force. I’ve never felt so out of control, so outraged—so unlike me.
“No, you don’t.”
Doubt engulfs me. “Maybe not. But this is a huge slap in my face. No, more like a gut punch. A thousand gut punches. I can’t let it go. I just can’t. Please try to understand.”
“I don’t. After everything that’s happened between us, he means nothing.
“No, you’re wrong,” I say, my thoughts spinning through my head with dizzying speed. “What he’s doing means something. It means everything to me. After what he did to me…there’s just no excuse. None whatsoever. Ihaveto do this.”
“You don’t have to do anything.”
I stop my frantic packing and face Slade. It’s a mistake. Everything inside me longs for him and only him. I want to grab him by his scarf and pull him to me for a long kiss like I did earlier. “I’m sorry, but I have to do this. Please try to understand.”
He shakes his head in the negative. “Please don’t go. I’m asking you, no, I’m begging you not to do this. Forget about him.”
