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“I’ve been thinking about it. I always think about you, so of course I’ve been thinking ofwhy.And one of the conclusions I’ve come up with is… everyone says I’m certified crazy, and they don’t understand why. They don’t know how to control me.”
He pauses, and I wonder if he expects me to say anything. I’m this close to agreeing that heis,in fact, completely insane, but then he keeps going.
“Maybe I am. And when I’m with you? I feel like I have a reason to be. It’s you. You make me feel crazy in the best way. You’ve already seen the worst in me. You’ve seen the length I’m capable of going to to get what I want. There’s nothing to hide now. Isn’t that amazing? Isn’t that so…simple?”
I can’t find anything to say. My heart is pounding, and I wonder if he can feel it. I don’t know if I want him to. Nothing about this issimple.
I shouldn’t want to be the reason someone feels crazy. I shouldn’t want to enjoy the fact that he is giving himself excuses so he can act any way he wants toward me.
But there’s a certain power in that, isn’t there? To know that I make Caden King lose his mind.
I startle as the sound of my phone ringing feels like a fire alarm in my head. “Holy fuck,” I gasp. That scared the shit out of me.
I go to grab it before reality comes crashing into me. I’m not in my room. I’m in Caden’s bed and can’t move because his arms are securely wrapped against me. We were chatting and just fell asleep. We must have shifted during the night because he’s now spooning me and holding me so snugly I feel like I’m a kid’s blankie and he’ll die if he drops me.
“Turn that shit off,” he growls in my ear.
Someone doesn’t like being woken up.
I reach for my phone.Xiis written on the screen.
Fuck!
I forgot to tell Xi I wouldn’t go to his house yesterday. I pick up in a hurry.
“Where the fuck are you?” he barks into the phone.
“Oh my god, I’m so sorry. I—”
“Do you have any idea how fucking worried I’ve been? You were meant to come at ten last night, and I called you about a hundred times, Bil’s. What the hell happened to you?”
“I’m okay. I’m sorry. I…” I’m out of lies. I have no idea what to tell him. “I was with…”
“Where are you? Right now, where are you?”
“On my way home,” I lie, and I can clearly hear the panic in my voice. I’ll be surprised if he believes me, so I add, “I slept at a friend’s house.”
“Who? A guy friend?” The jealousy in his voice is so apparent I recoil slightly.
“It doesn’t matter if it was a guy or not. Look, I’m going home now. I’m sorry about worrying you and missing our game night. I’ll see you at my dad’s tonight, okay?”
I hang up before he can say anything and turn to Caden. His arms are still wrapped around me, although he’s now wide awake.
“He wants to fuck you,” he says, hushed. I can see so in his eyes that he’s not happy about it. Caden wants me, and he’s not the kind of guy who deals well with competition.
“Stop it. He’s my stepbrother.”
Another lie. Xi is my stepbrother, but we’ve always had an ambiguous relationship. Xi protects people. That’s his thing. With me, he’s always been a little too protective, and I’ve grown to enjoy it. His hands have lingered in inappropriate places in the last year, and I’ve let him.
And this summer, we crossed the line.
We didn’t have sex because I wasn’t ready, but we kissed during one of our famous game nights. It was ravenous and lustful. It was so perfect we couldn’t stop there. I let him make me feel good with his fingers, and he asked for nothing in return except that we never mention it to anyone.
I’ve come to like his overprotective behavior and the way he’s constantly checking up on me. The fact that it’s annoying me right now just because I’m with Caden means something I wasn’t ready to admit to myself.
I don’t want Xi anymore.
Because I desperately want Caden. My ultimate rival.
